


You Broke me, But I'll Fix You Anyway

by Soap_Queen



Series: Lost and Found [2]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Clexa is Endgame, F/F, F/M, M/M, angst :), fluff :)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-23
Updated: 2021-02-11
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:47:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 59,952
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27688493
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Soap_Queen/pseuds/Soap_Queen
Summary: !MINOR BELLARKE WITH CLEXA ENDGAME!Clarke and Lexa find their way back to each other in completely different settings and circumstances.!Although this story can stand alone, I HIGHLY recommend reading part one first!
Relationships: Anya/Raven Reyes, Clarke Griffin/Lexa, Octavia Blake/Lincoln
Series: Lost and Found [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2024762
Comments: 170
Kudos: 120





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> I'm taking suggestions for series names because I have no clue what to put. I feel like "Lost and Found" is so generic, but it truly describes their love story...so..... :)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We see what life has been like for the group two years later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Mentally preparing for the hate this chapter will get*

_ 2 Months earlier: _

Clarke woke that morning to a warm body wrapped around her. This has been the case for almost two years now. In fact, tomorrow is her two year anniversary with them. “Morning,” he whispered.

“Morning,” she kissed his forehead.

He hummed before whispering sleepily, “Can you cook breakfast this morning?”

“Sure baby. What do you want?” she asked while playing with his hair. 

“Hmm, omelets and bacon?” he asked.

“Perfect,” she said while rolling out of bed, “I’ll bring it up when it’s done.”

“Thank you baby,” he said while kissing her retreating arm. She laughed as she got up and put clothes on. She threw a shirt on over her underwear and went to the kitchen to begin cooking. 

She made her way to the kitchen and turned on some music. She had installed small speakers in the kitchen, so she could dance around while she cooked. Usually her boyfriend, Bellamy, would get up to dance with her, but he had a late day at work the previous day, and Clarke knew he was tired. Still, it was one of her favorite parts of the day. 

When she was finally done cooking, she got a call from her long-time best friend, Octavia. “What’s up, bitch,” she answered the phone with a smile as she plated her and her boyfriend’s meals. 

“You should really be nicer to me since you’re dating my brother,” she made a gagging noise which made Clarke laugh. 

“What can I say, he’s hot,” Clarke teased, knowing her friend would be grossed out.

“Ew! Stop! I’m only letting you date him because then you can be my sister-in-law,” Octavia cringed through the phone.

“Letting me date him?” Clarke asked with a laugh, “I’m a grown woman, Octavia. I make my own decisions.”

“Pffft, bullshit. You might be 20, but you’re just as childish and indecisive as you were at 18. I still have to choose what you eat when we go out,” Octavia teased.

“There’s too many options!” Clarke exclaimed defensively, “Anyway, what did you call for? Surely it wasn’t just to hear me gush about your brother.”

“I have news, but that’s for another day,” Octavia said, knowing she called just to let the curiosity eat away at Clarke.

“No! You know I’m too impatient!” Clarke complained. 

“I’ll tell you in school today,” Octavia promised, and Clarke agreed with a groan.

“Alright, I gotta go. Your baby of a brother is awaiting breakfast,” Clarke joked.

“You spoil him,” Octavia grunted.

“Only a little,” Clarke agreed with a shrug, “Bye, Octavia!” She then hung up the phone and carried her and her boyfriend’s plates up to their shared bedroom. 

She handed him his plate as she sat down next to him. “Do you have class today?” he asked. 

“Sadly, yes. I have Art, music, and psychology. At least it’s only three classes,” she shrugged as she informed him.

He groaned before saying, “I’ll miss you.”

“Mhm,” she hummed, “I’ll miss you too.” She quickly finished her food and placed a kiss on his head, “I’ve gotta run, but after class, I’m all yours.” 

“All mine?” he asked suggestively.

“Mhm,” she hummed as she got up and put pants and socks on, “and don’t stay in bed all day!” 

“I’ll get up later,” he promised, and Clarke nodded as she walked out of their apartment and to school. 

The walk to the college campus wasn’t far from her apartment, so Clarke didn’t have to leave until a few minutes before her class started. On the walk, she met up with Octavia and Raven, and they walked together as they always did. “So, share your news, O,” Clarke prompted.

“Okay…” she trailed off for a moment, “Well, it’s not for sure yet, but I think I’m pregnant!”

We were quiet for a second before we all cheered. “Are you sure you and Linc are ready for that? You’re still only 20 and you have a lot of schooling to go through,” Clarke asked. She didn’t doubt her friend's motherly abilities. In fact, from experience, she knew Octavia would be an amazing mother, but she wanted to make sure they were financially and emotionally ready for a baby.

“We’ve talked it through a lot and because of Lincoln’s service in the military, he’s got a lot of benefits, and he’s pretty stable financially. He also said he’s going to quit once the baby’s born, and he’ll work for his uncle’s company,” Octavia explained.

“Sounds like you’ve thought this through,” Raven noted, and Octavia nodded.

“Then we’re happy for you,” Clarke smiled while putting her hand on her friend’s shoulder.

“Don’t tell Bell! Oh my god, don’t tell Bell!” Octavia exclaimed frantically which made her friend’s laugh hysterically.

“Your secret’s safe with me, O,” Clarke assured her friend, and she saw the girl exhale a breath of relief, “You’ll have to tell him eventually, though.”

“Yeah, I’m trying to think of a date. Lincoln is still out on deployment until next month, so I’ll tell him then. I’ll probably tell Bellamy around then,” Octavia said.

“Sounds good,” Raven agreed, and Clarke nodded. 

Clarke waved to her friends a few moments later as she turned towards the art building. When she entered the art building, she took her usual seat in the back of the class and began sketching while she waited for the lecture to begin. The art teacher was almost always late, but Clarke didn’t mind. In fact, she really loved and respected her art teacher because she was kind of a free spirit. She was definitely a little quirky, but that’s what made her a great art teacher. 

“Welcome class,” she said jogging through the door with a stack of items in her hand, “Sorry I’m late.”

The class merely nodded as she got situated, and she soon began ranting about art. Clarke, unlike most students, loved her little rants because she actually stayed on topic and her points gave Clarke more perspective. “Today is a free draw day since I was late and didn’t make a plan,” the teacher laughed at herself, “you’re free to go if you wish.” The class cheered and everyone except Clarke left. 

While the teacher was ranting, Clarke had begun sketching an image, and she wanted to finish it before she left. She felt a presence behind her shoulder, and she knew the teacher was watching over her shoulder. “That’s gorgeous,” the teacher complimented.

“Well,” Clarke blushed slightly at the praise, “It’s only a sketch.” The sketch was of the female body from behind. The woman was entirely naked, but her middle and legs were covered by a sheet. All you saw was her long hair and some of the muscles on her back.

While Clarke was dating a man, she had many female partners and crushes, and she didn’t make it a point to avoid showing that side of her. Bellamy also knew that she was bisexual, and he didn’t care. He had simply nodded, and the two often talk about attractive female characters they see on tv. It’s one of the reasons Clarke respects Bellamy; he respects her. 

“Still, it’s detailed,” the teacher pointed out, and Clarke took a moment to look at the details of the image. That’s when she recognized who she was drawing; someone she hadn’t seen in years. She slammed her notebook closed as if it had offended her- it did- and she began putting it away. “Sorry,” the teacher apologized, assuming she had set Clarke off.

“Oh, no. It’s not your fault,” Clarke laughed a little uncomfortable.

“Okay…” the teacher trailed off, “Have a nice day Miss Griffin!” she yelled after the retreating student. 

Truthfully, Clarke had never stopped drawing the teacher. Even though there was a deep hatred, mistrust, and anger towards the woman, Clarke still had a close bond with her. She had played a huge role in where and who Clarke is today, and for that reason, she will, unfortunately, never forget the brunette teacher. Even if she wants to. 

Clarke shuddered and shook her head before walking to her music class. She really loved this class because although the teacher was pretty strict, Clarke valued his opinion. He was an older guy, but he really did know his music. 

When Clarke entered, she was the first person there because she was a little early. Well, she was the first student there. The teacher was always early and punctual. “Welcome Miss Griffin,” he said, and Clarke nodded while finding her usual seat in the back. Oddly, she never lost her love for seats in the back of the class. 

“Hi Mr. Jones,” she smiled, and the old man returned the gesture. He loved that Clarke, while shy, was always polite. Plus, he thought the girl was extremely musically talented; Clarke was one of his most promising students. 

“If you want to get started,” he suggested, knowing Clarke always tried to stay ahead, “We’re reading pages 20-30 in the music books today before we have our time to practice.”

Clarke nodded and grabbed her book. The book was actually very informative, and Clarke probably would’ve read it of her own volition. It spoke a lot about proper methods for playing guitar, singing, playing the piano, and other instruments. It also spoke about the intricacies and history of music which Clarke found fascinating. 

When she finished the reading, she put the book down and saw that everyone else was in the class and reading. She looked around the room, and when she made eye contact with the teacher, he jutted his head towards a locker in the room. 

Everyone in his class had a space to keep any instruments they had, and Clarke had kept her favorite guitar here. She quietly got up and walked to the locker that held her guitar. She pulled it out, opened the case, and removed the guitar. She turned it over and inspected it. 

It was actually her father’s guitar that she got after his death. Seeing as she was the only one who could play, she was immediately allowed to have it. She loved it because she had many faint memories of him playing it when she was upset, and she loved the feeling she got from being close to it. She ran a finger over the inscription on the bottom, that she had added beside his initials, “Do what scares you.” She smiled nostalgically before beginning to tune it. The lockers were in a room separate from the classroom, so she wouldn’t be disrupting anyone.

After it was tuned, she began playing a tune she needed to practice. Since she moved to go to school in L.A., she had been doing gigs at local pubs and bars. She usually sang songs others wrote, but she sometimes sang originals. Lots of people came just to hear her play, and it always warmed Clarke’s heart. 

Eventually, she heard the teacher enter to dismiss them, and Clarke put the guitar back in its case and then in the locker before exiting the classroom to go to her psychology class. She heard her phone buzz on the way, so she looked down.

**Bellboy:** _ I miss you already :( _

**Griffindor:** _ I miss you too :( Only one more class! _

**Bellboy:** _ I’ve got a surprise planned when you get home :) _

**Griffindor:** _ Really :) _

**Bellboy:** _ Mhm. See you soon, love. _

**Griffindor:** _ That’s all I get :( Meanie _

**Bellboy:** _ See you soon babe >:) _

Clarke chuckled at her phone before putting it back in her pocket and entering her class. This was the only class she didn’t sit in the back in because she sat with Octavia who liked to sit in the middle rows. She found her friend and sat beside her. 

“Do you know what Bell’s planning?” Clarke asked while raising an eyebrow at Octavia. Her friend merely smirked. Clarke shoved her and exclaimed quietly, “You do know!”

“Maybe, but I’m not telling,” she said while making a zipping motion over her lips. Clarke huffed before turning to her desk to focus on the lesson.

After her class was over, Clarke practically sprinted to her apartment to see what Bellamy was surprising her with. When she entered the room, her boyfriend was holding bags of stuff, and she gave him a curious look. “How do you feel about taking a road trip?” he asked curiously with a smirk.

Although Clarke was still weird around cars, she had learned to enjoy road trips as long as she trusted the driver. “Sounds great,” she smiled. 

“Alright, I’ll get our stuff in the car, and you can just sit and look pretty,” he smiled while placing a kiss to her cheek. Clarke chuckled and started going through her homework for school. They were nearing the end of the year as it was April, so most of it was simple studying. She decided to put a few of her books in a backpack to bring with her in case she had time. 

“Ready?” he asked when he came back with his backpack slung over his shoulder. Clarke nodded excitedly while jogging out the door with Bellamy following behind. She jumped in their jeep, and she saw that Bellamy had put the doors back on for her. He usually drove with the doors and roof off, but he knew it made Clarke uncomfortable. She smiled discreetly at him. It’s the little things that make her love him. 

“Where are we going?” Clarke asked after they got on the highway. 

“Home,” he smiled.

Clarke smiled back. She had been mentioning going back to Arkadia for a while now. She hadn’t seen her family face to face in almost two years because she wasn’t sure how to go back without seeing  _ her.  _ Now, Clarke didn’t care if she saw her. She wanted to see her family. She knew Madi missed her a lot, and she missed her little sister. She was 11 now, and Charlotte was 17. They had both matured a lot, and Clakre couldn’t wait to see them.

“God, I love you,” she smiled while leaning over to kiss his cheek. He smiled and intertwined his freehand with Clarke’s which he knew always gave her butterflies. She kissed his hand while turning on the radio and preparing for the 10 hour drive from LA to Arkadia. 

They made it through about 7 hours of driving before Clarke finally said that they needed to stop for the night. She wanted to complete the drive in one stretch, but she decided that she wanted to get there around the same time that her sisters would be returning from school the next morning. 

When they got to the hotel, Clarke and Bellamy plopped themselves down on the bed and cuddled into each other. They were in agreement that they’d sleep now, and they’d leave immediately when they woke up in the morning.

In the morning, the pair grabbed breakfast in the lobby after realizing they were hungry. They talked and wished each other a happy anniversary before cleaning their meals and getting back in the jeep for the last 3 hours of the car ride.

When they finally arrived, Clarke knew that her mother was the only one home, and she sprinted through the door to see her. She immediately found the woman reading a book in the living room, and Clarke jumped on her. “Clarke!” her mother exclaimed as she pulled her into a hug. Abby had known Clarke was coming because Bellamy had pre-planned the meeting, but she wasn’t told what time they’d arrive.

“Hey, Mom,” Clarke smiled while releasing her mom from the hug. 

The two had grown quite close despite not seeing each other for years. Her mother and her talked about everything, so Clarke also knew her mother had found a guy that she was quite invested in. “So, where’s the boyfriend?” Clarke asked while looking around the room.

“I could ask you the same question,” her mother chuckled after not seeing Bellamy enter the room.

“Shit! One minute, Mom! I should probably help him bring the bags in,” she chuckled, and her mother laughed while pushing her to help the older boy.

Abby was actually quite fond of Bellamy. Her only problem was that he was 6 years older than Clarke. Still, she saw how happy the boy made her daughter, so she learned to love him as well. Not to mention, it also meant that he was more likely to be financially stable and more mature than boys Clarke’s age. 

Once all their bags had been brought in, Clarke sat on the couch next to her mother while Bellamy sat next to Clarke with an arm around her. “I didn’t tell Madi and Charlotte that you’d be here today,” Abby smirked.

Clarke smiled evilly while nodding. She had hoped she’d be able to surprise them after all these years of not seeing them. She was also interested to see how much they had matured physically. They never really facetimed because Charlotte didn’t like cameras, and Madi said that it was “more reason to come back.”

“So, how about that boyfriend?” Clarke asked again.

“His name is Marcus,” Abby said while narrowing her eyes at her daughter. Clarke laughed and put her hands in the air in submission, “and he’s great. The girls love him too. He’s not your dad,” she paused for a moment, “but he’s a sweet guy.”

“I’m happy for you, Mom,” Clarke said while hugging her mom. It had hurt a bit when she first learned of her mother’s boyfriend, but she also knew that her parents had divorced before her father ever died. Her mother was bound to find someone new whether her father was alive or not. Clarke also knew that her mother wasn’t trying to replace her father; she was simply looking for someone to love her in that way. 

The three chatted animatedly until they heard the front door click. Everyone immediately stopped talking and turned their attention to the door. Soon, a young brunette entered the door, and Clarke almost started crying. She had to put a hand over her mouth to stop herself from startling the girl, and she felt Bellamy’s hand on her shoulder for support. He knew how important Madi was to her. In fact, he had offered to let her live with them if that’s what Clarke wanted eventually, and Clarke loved that he was so accepting of her family. She also was aware that it was probably because of his family, or lack thereof. He knew that what Clarke felt for Madi was akin to what he felt for Octavia. 

“Madi?” Clarke squeaked. The younger brunette looked so much older that Clarke almost hadn’t recognized her. 

“Clarke?” Madi asked, confused. Her voice was a little hopeful, but mostly sad as if she didn’t believe that it would really be Clarke. 

“Oh my God,” Clarke whispered as she got up and pulled Madi into a bone crushing hug. 

“Clarke!” Madi exclaimed with so much excitement that Clarke couldn’t help but cry a little. “You look so different,” Madi complained when they finally pulled away enough to look at each other.

“I could say the same about you,” she noted as she laughed with tears in her eyes.

“I miss you,” Madi sniffled into Clarke’s neck.

Clarke ran her fingers through the younger girl’s hair as she whispered, “I missed you too, Baby.”

“Ewww you can’t call me baby anymore,” Madi grimaced.

“I can’t?” Clarke asked sadly. Of course, if Madi didn’t want her to, she wouldn’t, but she loved the nickname. 

“I’m not a baby anymore,” Madi crossed her arms.

Clarke laughed, “No, you’re not.”

Madi pulled Clarke back into a hug and whispered in her ears, “You’re still my mom though,” and Clarke couldn’t help but make a squeak of surprise and overwhelming joy with those words. 

When the two finally calmed down, Clarke pulled away and asked, “Where’s Charlotte?”

“She’s out with friends,” Madi answered.

“Okay,” Clarke said, sounding a little sad.

“Why don’t we go out for dinner? Just the two of us?” he offered. Clarke smiled at him and agreed. He probably wanted some alone time since it was their anniversary.

“I’ll talk to you when I get home,” she promised her little sister while blowing her a kiss which made Madi chuckle. Bellamy made the same gesture which only made her laugh harder.

Madi and Charlotte both loved Bellamy as a person. He was kind, respectful, and easy to get along with. Still, Madi felt like he wasn’t it for Clarke. She knew Clarke better than anyone, aside from maybe Charlotte, and her gut was telling her that there was someone else out there for Clarke. Still, she decided to let Clarke figure that out on her own. 

The two got in the car together and drove to a place that Clarke quickly recognized. “Grounder’s,” she whispered aloud.

“You remember?” he smiled while helping Clarke out of the car and walking them to the booth they sat at after Clarke’s high school graduation.

“Of course,” Clarke smiled.

“It’s where I fell in love with you,” Bellamy admitted, and Clarke smiled even bigger.

“Me too,” Clarke admitted nostalgically. 

“Which is why,” he paused while getting down on one knee beside Clarke. She covered her mouth with her hand and her eyes widened. He wasn’t…?

“I wanted to tell you how much I love you. Right here. I love you so much that… that there aren’t even words to describe it. When I look at you, it’s like everything I’ve ever needed is right there, and it’s this… this amazing feeling that you just can’t explain to anyone. So, instead of trying to explain, I’ll just ask, Clarke Abigail Griffin, will you marry me?” he finished, and Clarke was at a loss for words.

“I- Yes! Of course!” she exclaimed while pulling him into a searing kiss that they both smiled into. They heard the whole restaurant clap, and they both broke apart to laugh. 

“Did I really just propose to you in a burger joint?” he asked through a chuckle, a little embarrassed.

“Yes, you did,” she laughed with him, “but I loved it.” she booped his nose with her finger and pulled him in for another kiss.

She was going to marry Bellamy Blake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before you ask, yes, it physically hurt me, a Clexa, to write Bellarke fluff
> 
> I also thought you should know that when I was writing about Clarke not being able to forget Lexa, the song "Colors" by Halsey came on, and I have never been more suspicious of my phone spying on me. 
> 
> Feedback :)


	2. So, We Meet Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Lexa meet again. Tension is thicker than my eyebrows. Memories. Beach day. 
> 
> Yep... I still suck at summaries :/

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's come to my attention that this is on Bellarke AO3... It seems I have made mistakes :( ANYWAY it also seems that a lot of people are upset with my choice of putting Clarke and Bellamy together. All I can say is trust the process. I can assure you it's just as uncomfortable for me to write as it is for you to read, so I'm naturally going to do my best to break them up without rushing but without wasting time. Believe it or not, Bellamy's relationship with Clarke is going to play a big role in Lexa and and Clarke's relationship.
> 
> P.S. The google doc I originally write this story on has almost 300 pages O_O I have issues

_ Present day: _

Clarke was in her room with Octavia, Raven, and Anya. The group had agreed to get ready for the engagement party together. Anya was not very happy about it given her grudge against Clarke, but she conceded in order to make Raven happy.

“Are you ready?” Lincoln’s voice sounded from outside the door.

“Yeah, we’ll be down soon,” Clarke shouted back as she quickly threw on some last minute accessories. “Ready?” she asked her friends. 

“Let’s go!” Octavia exclaimed. 

The four excited Clarke’s room and walked down the stairs to their living room. They were having a get together of all their family, barring Clarke’s mother and siblings since it was held in LA, to tell them of the engagement. Besides, Clarke’s family learned of it while they were still in Arkadia. 

Clarke walked to the kitchen where she began checking on everything she had been cooking for the day. “I will never understand how you can cook all of this at once,” Anya deadpanned while looking around the kitchen.

“Well, you never were a good cook,” Clarke laughed, having heard all the stories. Anya simply grunted, and Clarke offered, “Maybe, one day, we’ll be on better terms, and I can teach you.”

“Maybe,” Anya grunted again, earning a jab from her girlfriend who was getting upset with her coldness at a party. Anya lightened up slightly. Slightly. 

“Alright, we’re missing two guests,” Lincoln announced after walking around the small apartment.

“More guests?” Clarke asked.

“Since this is to announce and celebrate two events, I hoped you wouldn’t mind if I invited a few people,” Lincoln said, sounding a little sheepish.

“Of course,” Clarke smiled. Although she wasn’t very talkative with most people she didn’t know, due to the linger effects of her selective mutism, she wanted her friends to have everyone they wanted there. She’d talk less, but she wouldn’t stop having fun. Lincoln nodded and began texting, presumably, the missing guest. 

Clarke continued cooking until she heard a knock at the door. “I’ll get it,” Clarke announced. Seeing as she was hosting the event, it only seemed right to invite the guests in. However, when she opened the door, inviting people in was the last thing on her mind.

Her eyes both widened and narrowed when she saw the figure standing in front of her, and it seemed that the other person had a similar expression. “Ah, there’s the tension I signed up for,” the other woman laughed, and Clarke recognized her voice. Rather than inviting them in, she merely grunted and walked to her room. She then shut the door and locked it. 

Did Lincoln really invite Lexa and Luna here. Clarke knew they were close, but she hadn’t expected him to invite them. Then again, no one had told him of the tension between Clarke, Lexa, Anya, and Luna. On top of that, Lincoln had never been told why there would be tension. He would have no reason not to invite them. She exhaled and decided that the smartest thing to do would be to come up with a plan of action for the day.

Clarke knew, for sure, that she did not trust either woman enough to talk to them. That was obvious from her inability to yell at them to leave when she was at the door. Her attempts were vocalized as a simple grunt, and she knew that someone else would’ve let them in after she left the door wide open. 

The only thing she could do is avoid the women at all costs. Still, that was easier said than done. Her apartment was built for two people to share, and there were currently 8 people inside. It would be impossible to avoid 2 people while still remaining social. Truthfully, Clarke wasn’t sure she’d be able to talk with them in the house. 

That’s the thing about being mute. Although it’s different for almost everyone, in Clarke’s case, if a single person she doesn’t trust is the room, she simply won’t talk. Still, she doesn’t want to hurt Lincoln by asking his friends and family to leave just for her to be comfortable. She would just not talk the rest of the night. Everyone there knows of Clarke’s mutism, so everyone would understand the situation if she didn’t talk.

“Should we ask them to leave?” she heard an unexpected voice at her door.

“Anya?” she asked, shock evident in her voice. 

“If you want them to go, they will,” Anya said again, ignoring Clarke’s question.

“They’re fine,” she said, “They deserve to be here just as much as everyone else.”

“You’re sure?” Anya asked.

“Yes,” Clarke confirmed, “just give me a moment. Please?”

“Okay. Should I get Bell or someone else?” Anya asked.

“No. I’ll be out soon,” she assured the older woman, and Clarke soon heard the woman’s receding footsteps. 

A few moments later, Clarke got up off her floor and exited her room. All eyes were on her, and she simply walked to the kitchen to check on the food, ignoring eye contact with anyone. 

Once in the kitchen, she felt a presence behind her, and she automatically knew who it was. “Do you want me to leave? I get it if you’re uncomfortable,” Lexa asked, and Clarke noticed how upset the woman sounded. Clarke merely shook her head, and she practically felt Lexa’s face fall as she realized what was happening. 

“I’ll go,” she said. When Clarke heard her stepping away, Clarke grabbed the older woman’s arm, and shook her head. Clarke was immediately brought back to when she stopped Lexa from leaving her at the dance, and it took everything she had not to break down in front of the woman. Lexa looked down at Clarke’s hand that was holding her arm, and she nodded, a silent agreement to stay as she had not the last time. 

When Lexa left the kitchen, Clarke hoisted herself onto one of the counters and put her face in her hands. This day went to shit so fast it gave her whiplash. Soon, she felt arms around her, and she immediately melted. “Hey,” he whispered. Clarke, knowing she was still in earshot of Lexa, merely kissed his neck in acknowledgement. “Are you okay?” he asked, and Clarke nodded. She wasn’t okay, but she didn’t want to be the reason everyone else stopped having fun. 

Bellamy half smiled at her, and the two walked to the living room together. They also sat together and Bellamy brought her a sense of safety, similar to the one Lexa had brought her so long ago. When Lexa abandoned her, Bellamy became the blonde’s home. Lexa recognized this the moment she saw the two sit down, and she felt her heart shatter with the realization.

She lost the girl.

Lexa had been informed that this party was to celebrate an engagement and Lincoln and Octavia’s pregnancy. Unfortunately, Lexa hadn’t realized that Clarke was still in LA, and she already decided to move her per Lincoln’s request as well as her own. She wanted to be here to help Lincoln and meet his child. Not to mention, Anya was already here with Raven. 

Being the middleman, Anya had never shared information about Lexa, and she had not shared information about the group with Lexa. Anya had also not been informed that Lexa and Luna would be showing up, or she would’ve warned Lincoln about the tension between Clarke and Lexa.

“Seems blondie has a thing for older people,” Luna teased, and both Anya and Luna almost decked her for making such an insensitive comment. Not only was it sensitive to Clarke, Lexa, and Bellamy’s feelings, but it also had the potential to out Clarke and Lexa’s few kisses they shared while teacher and student. That could not only still ruin Lexa’s career, but it could ruin Bellamy and Clarke’s relationship. 

“Older people?” Lincoln asked clueless, “Plural?”

It seems that was when Luna realized her mistake. Bellamy was also looking to the group in confusion. Clarke had never told anyone, except Raven and Octavia, that she had kissed her teacher in order to protect the brunette and herself. The less people who knew the better.

“Shit,” Luna whispered.

Clarke stared at Luna in disbelief. She believed the woman had done it to purposely sabotage her relationship. Clarke stared the woman down, and she was surprised when the woman looked away from her gaze. Rather than engaging, Clarke walked back to the kitchen, immediately followed by Bellamy. “Care to explain?” he asked. Clarke simply shook her head with her teeth clenched. 

“Talk to me dammit!” he yelled, and Clarke froze with her eyes shut. Clarke, again, walked off. This time, to her room. She shut the door and locked it when her fiance approached the door. “Talk to me!” he yelled. This time, he pounded on the door, and Clarke heard frantic voices outside her door, one of which she recognized as Lexa.

“Do you know nothing of her past?” she heard the older woman exclaimed in anger, “Even I know why she can’t bring herself to talk!”

“You two know each other?” he asked. 

“Knew,” Lexa corrected him, and Clarke’s heart broke when she heard Lexa’s tone of voice. “You’re only making it worse,” Lexa chided him like a child.

“What would you know?” Bellamy hissed.

“A hell of a lot more than you apparently,” Raven added sassily, and Clarke almost laughed. 

“Clarke, just, please let me in?” Bellamy asked, sounding desperate, “I’ve calmed down.”

Clarke unlocked the door and opened it a little to see everyone standing outside her door. She pointed to Octavia and Raven before shooing everyone off. Bellamy put up a fight, but eventually, they all walked off. 

When they were inside, Clarke closed the door, locked it, and immediately released the tears she had been holding in. Her friends pulled her into a hug, and Clarke began whispering, “It’s too much” over and over again.

She hadn’t meant to ruin the party. She simply couldn’t handle everything she was being reminded of. Bellamy was somehow reminding her of Atom, and she couldn’t help but remember her last dance with Lexa every time she saw her. It was simply too much. 

“We can tell everyone to leave,” Octavia offered.

“No, no. This is your party too. Go save it, and tell everyone I’ll be staying in for the night,” Clarke said while getting up and getting in her bed. 

“We don’t want to leave you alone,” they said sadly.

“Go. I’ll be fine,” Clarke told them as she turned away from them, “lock the door on the way out.”

“Okay,” her friends whispered hesitantly as they locked the door and closed it behind them. Clarke exhaled a breath of relief and allowed her brain to run wild. 

When Raven and Octavia returned to the group, everyone looked tense. “Clarke is staying in for the night, but Lincoln and I would still like to celebrate our coming baby,” Octavia placed a relaxed hand on her abdomen.

Everyone nodded and began celebrating. There was still tension in the air from the earlier events, but everyone had decided to put them behind them. All except one.

Lexa couldn’t help but think over all the new information she obtained. Clarke was engaged to Octavia’s older brother who currently acted a lot like Atom. She assumed the guy had never seen Clarke’s mutism in action, and he probably wasn’t very patient. In fact, the only person in the room who had seen the true extent of Clarke’s mutism was Lexa.

She also couldn’t help but notice how much Clarke’s matured, both physically and mentally. It was no secret that both women had grown into their bodies over the years, and both, especially Clarke, had changed a lot. Perhaps that was a good thing though. 

When the day was over, everyone excused themself from the house, and Clarke was left alone with Bellamy. He walked to her door and knocked on it softly as he tried to open it. “Please unlock the door, baby. Everyone’s gone,” he assured her. 

Slowly, he heard footsteps before the door unlocked and opened. He stepped in and pulled Clarke into a hug. “I’m sorry I snapped at you. I’m just not used to you not talking to me,” he apologized. Clarke nodded, not because she didn’t want to talk but because she didn’t have a reason to speak. 

“Can we just sleep?” she asked.

“Sure, but we should talk in the morning,” he said. Clarke immediately froze, remembering the last few times she had a talk with someone. “Not like that,” he assured her, and Clarke relaxed, “just rest.” Clarke nodded and snuggled into Bellamy as she soon drifted to sleep.

In the morning, Clarke woke up to an empty bed. She groggily got up and found Bellamy cooking in the kitchen. He wasn’t as good of a cook as Clarke, but he knew his way around a kitchen. “Morning,” Clarke greeted while laying down on the couch. 

“Morning baby,” he said while plating the breakfast he cooked and brought it to the couch with coffee for both of them. 

“Talk?” Clarke asked. Bellamy never cooked for her unless he was sucking up, there was a special occasion, or, like in this case, they needed to talk. He nodded, and Clarke said, “Ask away.”

“What happened between you and Lincoln’s friend? Lexa I think,” he asked. 

“Luna, Lincoln’s other guest, Anya, and her were my teachers in high school. Octavia and Raven’s teachers too,” Clarek answered, leaving out the facts about their kiss. She didn’t think Bellamy was the kind of guy to get Lexa in trouble, but she couldn’t be sure. 

“That doesn’t explain the tension. The surprise? Yeah. The tension? No,” Bellamy said, pressing for more answers.

“We were close until we weren’t,” Clarke said, teeth clenching.

“Until you weren’t?” he asked. 

“We had a falling out before graduation. My fault. Still, it made everything weird,” she explained further. 

“Okay,” he nodded.

“Why’d you yell at me?” Clarke asked.

“I lost my temper. I’m sorry. As I said, I’ve never experienced a time in which you didn’t talk to me. I was scared,” he defended himself.

“You think I wasn’t?” Clarke yelled, composing herself right after, “sorry.”

“You were scared?” he asked, sounding almost ashamed of himself for not noticing.

“Not until you yelled at me,” Clarke admitted quietly, not wanting to hurt her fiance’s feelings. “I’ve told you about Atom,” she reminded him.

“I don’t know it was so easy to set you off,” he whispered back.

“Well, it is,” Clarke said firmly. 

“Noted,” he said while taking a bite of his food.

Clarke took a bit of hers as well and said, “This is great.”

And like that, they made up. Their relationship was weird like that. They’d have a serious argument, and rather than yelling or awkwardly changing the subject, they easily transition back into daily life. It was both a blessing and a curse as sometimes, it didn’t fully end the dispute, and it left a lot of questions unanswered. 

“Why’d Luna say you had a thing for older people?” Bellamy asked after a while.

“I- well, the record shows I like older people. She was merely pointing that out, I guess,” Clarke said, stuttering slightly as she fumbled to hide the true nature of her and Lexa’s relationship. 

“How would she know that?” he asked.

“She’s close with Lexa and Anya. I’m sure they said something,” Clarke shrugged. Bellamy nodded and they both continued eating in peace. 

“Can we go to the beach?” Clarke asked after a while. 

“Of course,” Bellamy smiled. 

Bellamy knew that the beach always calmed Clarke, and he wasn’t blind to how stressed she still seemed to be. Clarke cleaned up her dishes and went to their room to change. Bellamy followed her a few moments later after he packed up most of the stuff they’d need for a beach trip. 

When they were both ready, they got in the car, and Clarke messaged Raven and Octavia to tell them of their plans for the rest of the day. The girls agreed to join them and said they’d meet them there. 

It didn’t take them long to reach the beach and the couple worked together to unload their stuff into an area where they could spend the rest of the day. Once everything was set up, Clarke removed the clothes she had on over her bikini and laid down on her towel to tan. Bellamy sat down next to her and rubbed her back soothingly. “You’re tense,” he noted.

“Mhm,” Clarke hummed, enjoying the sun on her skin, and Bellamy’s hand rubbing calming patterns on her back. 

“Need me to do anything?” he asked.

“Just relax,” Clarke said while turning her head to face him, “have fun.”

“What are you going to do?” he asked.

“Probably lay here and chat with the gals. Lincoln and Anya are probably coming, so you can mess around with them,” Clarke told him. 

“You’re no fun,” he pouted.

Clarke laughed before saying, “I’ll get in the water eventually. It’s a hot day.”

“You better,” he smirked while removing his hand from her back and running to the ocean. Considering he was in the Army, he was actually a really strong swimmer. 

Clarke was almost asleep when she heard an annoying voice yell, “We’re here, bitch!” 

“Do you ever shut up, Rae?” Clarke asked, grumpy about being woken up.

“And I thought O was grumpy,” Raven huffed.

“At least I have a reason,” Octavia shrugged while laying down her towel and sitting down. “Damn, I probably shouldn’t tan my back,” Octavia huffed, and the other girl’s laughed. She was about 4 months along, and although she probably wouldn’t hurt the baby, given her small baby bump, she’d probably be uncomfortable. “Linc! Why’d we decided to have a baby again?” Octavia groaned.

Lincoln then yelled back, “Because we love each other.” Everyone made gagging noises while Lincoln and Octavia smiled at each other.

“You two are so cute it’s disgusting,” Clarke noted while making another gagging sound.

“You’re no better!” Octavia complained, “and that’s my brother!”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, but he’s my fiance,” Clarke smirked, again, making her friends gag.

“You’re still getting engaged after the fiasco last night?” Raven asked as she laid on her stomach and turned her head to face Clarke. 

“Of course. It was only a small dispute,” Clarke shrugged it off.

“So you didn’t tell him you kissed your teacher,” Anya said from behind her. Clarke hadn’t noticed her, but the woman had been applying sunscreen while subconsciously eavesdropping. 

Clarke merely rolled her eyes and said, “No. I didn’t tell him because even though I might hate…  _ her _ , I know how important her job is to her.”

“Wow, you can’t even say her name,” Anya laughed slightly, “This will be entertaining.”

“Just go away,” Clarke huffed, “How do you put up with her?” She directed the question at Raven who simply shrugged and laughed. 

About an hour later, she felt someone lay down beside her, and she immediately knew it was Bellamy. “Hey, babe,” she smiled at him while turning her head to kiss him. 

“Ewww, no PDA in front of the baby!” Octavia exclaimed teasingly. Clarke rolled her eyes and kissed Bellamy harder. “Jeez, you could at least keep it PG,” Octavia complained which made Clarke and Bellamy laugh.

“Ready to get in the water?” Bellamy asked. When Clarke shook her head no, he lifted her off the ground bridal style and Clarke immediately knew what was going to happen next.

“Bellamy, if you don’t put me down so help me god I will squish your testicles!” she exclaimed, drawing attention to the pairs.

“Ouch, you didn’t have to go for the guys,” he pouted while putting Clarke on the ground. Clarke chuckled while kissing his cheek and walked into the water. She did feel a little bad about threatening his masculinity, so she decided she could get in the water with him for a bit as an apology.

The second she got in, she squealed a little as the cold water hit her everywhere. Everywhere. “Too cold, too cold, too cold!” she panicked and tried to get out, but Bellamy pulled her into a hug. 

“Bellamy, I let the guys go, now please, release me before the girls fall off,” Clarke said through chattering teeth, and Bellamy was so busy laughing, he missed Clarke walking back to the towels. She then laid on Raven, knowing her back would be warm from the sun. Raven freaked out because Clarke was freezing cold while Clarke sighed at the warmth on Raven’s back. 

“Get her off of me!” Raven yelled as Octavia laughed hysterically. 

“Let me warm up! Bellamy’s colder than a witches tit!” Clarke complained.

“You couldn’t have latched onto Octavia?” she exclaimed, still fighting the cold. 

“She’s pregnant,” Clarke shrugged, “she gets a pass.” This only made everyone but Raven laugh harder. 

“She’s like a damn koala!” Raven complained, “Get her off of me!” Raven said, finally running towards the water to find Bellamy. 

“C’mon, babe, let your poor friend warm up,” Bellamy laughed while pulling Clarke from Raven. The blonde then latched onto Bellamy, hoping to find body heat. 

“Come lay in the sun with me?” she asked, and Bellamy nodded, still chuckling. 

The two walked back to their towels where they huddled up together for warmth. Both their bodies were pretty cold, but it helped a little, especially with the sun warming them up.

A few hours later, the group ended their beach day and went back to their respective houses. Bellamy and Clarke quickly unpacked their items before crawling into bed and immediately falling asleep. They had an exhausting few days.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly didn't plan on having Bellarke tension as soon as I did BUT I feel like it will still make sense this way. 
> 
> Feedback, people, feedback :)


	3. Endings and Beginnings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A lot of talking. People discovering their feelings. And, of course, sarcastic bitches :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Damn. Well, people went a lot harder on me than I thought ahahah. Anyway, sorry if this chapter isn't great. While I enjoyed writing it, I'm not sure it's great.
> 
> Anyway, thanks to all the people who have supported me throughout this story, especially the posting of this second part. Y'all are the real ones <3
> 
> P.S. It took me like 10 minutes, but I've deleted most of the comments I've deemed hurtful. If you find any that you'd like me to delete please let me know!

One month has passed since the disastrous engagement/baby party. Since that day, Lincoln explained how it all happened because everyone was rather confused. He didn’t know that Lexa and Clarke had history. He also didn’t know that Luna and Anya weren’t her biggest fans either. He then said that because Anya kind of… bats for both teams so to speak, she never told Lincoln anything that would lead him to not invite Lexa and Luna. This also meant that Anya didn’t know Lincoln was inviting Lexa and Luna, so she would’ve had no time to stop it, even if she wanted to. 

He also told Clarke and Luna and Lexa were moving to LA which, as expected, she didn’t take well. She wanted Lexa out of her life forever. That’s why they said goodbye at graduation. She never wanted to see the woman again. Of course, she knew Lexa was Lincoln’s cousin and, being friends with Octavia and Lincoln, it would be impossible to avoid her. Still, Clarke wanted as little to do with her as possible. With her moving to the area, that would be next to impossible.

It also didn’t help that things between her and Bellamy were tense. It’s obvious that he suspected something deeper than friendship between Lexa and Clarke, but Clarke did her best to hide it from him which only served to anger him more. Still, something like that could ruin both girl’s reputations, and seeing as Clarke initiated the kiss, it seemed only fitting that she cover for both of them. 

After talking with her mom, the only information she would provide was that if Bellamy couldn’t handle her, he wasn’t the right guy, and to some degree, Clarke agreed. She hadn’t felt that special connection with Bellamy that she felt with…  _ her. _ It’s different. Clarke feels it; she knows it. Her friends know it. Apparently, even her family knows it. That’s why, today, she’s going to break up with him. She had told Octavia beforehand, and her friend said she could live with her until she was able to find a place for herself. 

Of course, Octavia wasn’t happy to hear about the breakup, but she also knew that Clarke and Bellamy weren’t it for each other. Naturally, Octavia didn’t want Clarke to lead Bellamy on just as she didn’t want Bellamy to lead Clarke on. In the end, she agreed that breaking it off was best. 

When she woke that morning, she saw that Bellamy was already awake. This was both good and bad. Good because it means Bellamy would be awake enough to understand everything she was saying, but bad because he was also awake enough to argue with her. She expected an argument; she just hoped it didn’t lead to yelling. 

“Hey, Bell,” she said when she saw him putting shoes on to go to work. Believe it or not, it was best that she broke it off before he left for work. He’d have to stop eventually to leave, and he wouldn’t have the added stress from work if she’d waited until he got home.

“Yeah?” he asked while tying his Army boots. 

“I- I think we need to end this,” Clarke said. It hurt a little to admit it, but she knew what she had to say, “I don’t know if you feel it, but I feel like this is more of a friendship than a romance.”

Bellamy looked at Clarke with teary eyes and nodded, “I’ve been waiting for you to say that.”

“Huh?” Clarke asked, confused, “Since when?”

“The engagement party,” he shrugged nonchalantly.

“What?” Clarke asked, still confused.

“You love her. Don’t you?” he asked.

“Love who?” Clarke asked again.

“Lexa. Lincoln’s cousin,” Bellamy said.

“I don’t trust her!” Clarke argued.

“Trust and love are two completely different things. You can love someone and not trust them, and you can trust someone and not love them,” Bellamy pointed out. 

Clarke pulled him into a hug and asked, “How are you always so wise?” She laughed a little, and he laughed as well. 

“I don’t know, but we’re still friends right?” he asked.

“Of course, Bell. I’m sorry about all of this,” Clarke apologized.

“Don’t worry about it. I’ll still be here for you whenever,” he said as he got up to grab his bag for work. 

“I’m going to stay with O for a while. I think we both need some space before we go back to being friends,” Clarke said, and Bellamy nodded in understanding. 

“If it doesn’t work out, you’re welcome here,” he said.

“Thanks,” she smiled at him, “You’re a good guy, Bell. Any girl, or guy, would be lucky to have you.”

He smiled and said, “Thanks, Clarke.” He then left the house, and Clarke heard him get in his car and drive off.

She let out a breath of relief. She hadn’t expected it to go over so well, but she had no complaints. Still, it left her thinking. Lexa. She didn’t trust her, not one bit, but did she love her? Looking back on it, 18 year old Clarke loved Lexa, but does 20 year old Clarke love Lexa? Clarke didn’t think you could love someone you don’t trust, but she knew she felt something towards the teacher that wasn’t entirely negative. 

Rather than dwelling on it, Clarke began packing up the stuff she had at Bellamy’s. It was quite a lot since they’ve lived together for two years, so it would be a hassle to pack. In fact, she decided to call Raven and ask her to come over to help. 

“Hey, Rae,” Clarke said into the phone when her friend picked up.

“Hey, Clarkie,” Raven teased. 

“Mind coming over for a bit?” Clarke asked.

“Yeah, I’m free today anyway. What’s up?” Raven asked.

“I’m packing,” Clarke said simply.

“Did he end it?” Raven said with a gasp, “I’ll bring the ice cream and rom-coms!”

Clarke chuckled before she said, “While the gesture is heartwarming, it was mutual, so the ice cream and rom-coms are unnecessary.”

“Phew,” Raven breathed, and Clarke laughed, “I thought we were going to have a broken-hearted Clarke part 2.”

“Part 2?” Clarke asked.

“Grad-” she cut herself off, “Nevermind.”

Graduation? In hindsight, Clarke knew that was heartbreak. She had felt it in her bones. She could feel the betrayal and abandonment she feared for years before, and the only reason she didn’t entirely fall apart, was because Raven and Octavia were there for her after. 

“See you in a bit, Rae,” Clarke said while ending the call. 

Clarke looked at all her stuff and began sorting through it. She quickly messaged Octavia saying that it was over, and she’d be heading over soon. Her friend sent a thumbs up and asked if she could pick up Chinese food and pickles on her way over. Clarke laughed at the weird combo before letting her friend know that that would be no problem. 

When Raven arrived, she first pulled Clarke into a big hug which made Clarke laugh. “Really, Rae. I’m fine,” Clarke assured her, and her friend released her. 

“If you say so,” she raised a suspicious eyebrow at her friend. 

“Really. Can you pack my clothes while I call my mom real quick?” Clarke asked.

“Yeah, but don’t expect me to do all of this for you,” Raven agreed with narrowed eyes.

“Of course not,” Clarke teased with a smile, and Raven returned the gesture. 

Clarke quickly dialed her mother’s number and grimaced when she answered. “hey, Mom,” Clarke greeted. 

“Hey, sweety. What’s up?” she asked.

“I broke it off.”

“Clarke!” her mother yelled through the phone, causing Clarke to pull the phone from her ear momentarily.

“What?” Clarke asked, “It wasn’t going to work out anyway. Even you knew it!” 

“That’s not why I’m yelling!” her mother continued to yell, “I’m yelling because you didn’t tell me beforehand!” 

Clarke laughed, knowing her mother was being playful. “Yeah, yeah, yeah. I told you before most other people. The only other ones who know are Rae and O,” Clarke told her.

“That makes me feel a little better,” her mother compromised.

“Anyway, no more engagement I guess,” Clarke said with a shrug. 

“I’ll tell your sisters,” her mother said.

“Thanks, Ma. Gotta pack. Love ya. Bye!” Clarke said into the phone as she hung up before her mom could reply. 

“That sounded… tense for a moment,” Raven noted while folding a pair of Clarke’s pants. Clarke sat next to her friend and began folding as well. 

“A little, but she was mostly kidding,” Clarke said while playing with the ring on her finger. In one swift motion, she pulled it off her finger and put it on the bedside table. Raven nodded at Clarke and the two continued packing.

“Octavia wants us to pick up pickles and Chinese food,” Clarke chuckled as they began carrying boxes to Raven’s car. Clarke still didn’t have a car as her friends were always willing to drive her around, or she’d walk. She never did like driving, even before the accident, and getting in a car accident definitely didn’t help. 

“Weirdo,” Raven muttered as she walked back into Bellamy’s house to collect Clarke’s stuff. 

“It’s just the weird pregnancy hormones,” Clarke defended her friend.

“Still weird,” Raven pointed out, and Clarke giggled a little 

They grabbed the last few boxes and loaded them into Raven’s car. Clarke then went back inside and placed her engagement ring on the counter with a note saying “ _ Sell it or something :).”  _ She then got into Raven’s car and the two drove to pick up Chinese food and pickles before going to Octavia’s. 

When they finally arrived at Octavia’s, the brunette rushed towards the two and snatched the food from their hands. You’re my saviors!” she exclaimed.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, you are letting me move in with you, so it only seems fair,” Clarke pointed out, and Octavia shrugged.

“It’s no biggy,” Octavia shrugged, “Besides, if you stay long enough, you can help out with the little one.”

“I’d help out anyway,” Clarke smiled at her friends.

“She is naturally gifted as a mother,” Raven shrugged.

“And that’s on having an emotionally unavailable mother,” Clarke said sarcastically and the group laughed.

“Wait, I have an emotionally unavailable mother, but I definitely wouldn’t be a good mom,” Raven pointed out.

“You didn’t have siblings,” Clarke and Octavia said at the same time, causing them to laugh. Raven stuck her tongue out at the two as she walked into Octavia’s kitchen and plated the Chinese food for everyone. 

The girls got their food and sat at Octavia’s dinner table. “So, are you moving?” Raven asked after a while as she took a bite of her lo mein. 

“Not right away. We want to live here as long as possible,” Octavia explained while looking around. Lincoln and Octavia had the foresight to buy a 2 bedroom apartment since they knew their plans beforehand, so they probably wouldn’t have to move for a while.

“Good, I’d miss you too much,” Raven teased, but everyone heard the underlying truth in the sentiment. 

“Aw, I’d miss you too, Rae,” Octavia teased, and Raven just narrowed her eyes at the other brunette. 

“Ew. Stop. Too sentimental,” Raven scrunched up her face.

“I see Anya’s rubbing off on you,” Clarke deadpanned.

“Aw, come on! You love her,” Raven smirked, but Clarke maintained a blank stare, “She’s the reason you and lovergirl still have a life.”

“Lovergirl?” Clarke asked although she had a good idea of who it was. 

“Lexa,” Raven said, and Clarke rolled her eyes. 

“Oh c’mon, you break up with Bell a month after you see her again for the first time in two years? They’ve gotta be related,” Raven pointed out, and Clarke paused. Were they related? She had broken up with Bell because the love they had was more friendship-like, but she had never thought about it that way before. 

“Oh! Speaking of Lexa, she’s supposed to stop by later in case you want to hide in the guest room or something,” Octavia said, and Clarke simply nodded. 

“You have to talk to her eventually,” Raven pointed out.

“I do?” Clarke asked, almost sarcastically. 

“She’s practically Lincoln’s sister, and you’re basically O’s sister. You’re both going to be an aunt to the baby, and we can’t have familial fighting with the little one around,” Raven pointed out. Clarke merely huffed as she knew her friend was right. 

Octavia looked between the two and said, “We should probably finish moving stuff to the guest room. Lexa will be here soon.”

The other two nodded, and they began hauling boxes into the guest room. About an hour later, when they finished getting all the boxes to Clarke’s room, there was a knock on the door. Clarke told Octavia, “tell her if she wants to talk, I’ll be in the guest room.”

She’s not sure why she said that. She doesn’t want to talk to Lexa. In fact, she can’t. However, she knows the two need to be able to get along, if not for them and their friends, then for Octavia and Lincoln’s baby. If she couldn’t bring herself to talk, she could at least hear what Lexa had to say to her. 

When Clarke got in the room, she began unpacking her stuff and putting it into a dresser that was already in the room. The room also had baby stuff in it as it was intended to be a nursery. Octavia had told her that if she moved in and had to stay until the baby was born, she’d still stay in the room. Clarke agreed, and that was that. 

As she was putting her clothes away, she heard a soft knock on the door. She slowly walked to the door and opened it to reveal a sheepish Lexa. Clarke smiled subtly as she opened the door, silently inviting Lexa in. Lexa looked around the room before reluctantly sitting on the floor by where Clarke was again seated to organize her clothes. 

“You’re moving in?” Lexa asked, confused. She obviously didn’t know of the break up between her and Bellamy, so Clarke understood why she was struggling to grasp what was going on. Clarke nodded, and Lexa returned the gesture. 

After a few more moments of silence, Lexa finally broke. “I’m sorry,” she whispered. 

*************

_ “What the hell are you doing? You could get fired!” Clarke whisper-yelled at the woman. They practically stopped all contact so Lexa could keep her job, and this is how the older brunette repays her? _

_ “I need to apologize, and you’ve been avoiding me like the plague,” Lexa said as she began actually dancing to the music. At first, they had been still due to Clarke fighting her grip.  _

_ Clarke relaxed a little, but she didn’t say anything, allowing Lexa what she needed to say for her peace of mind. “I’m sorry I snapped at you,” she began.  _

_ “You’re sorry?” Clarke laughed bitterly, “Do you know what I would’ve given to hear that a month ago?” _

_ “I’m so-” Clarke cut her off by squeezing her hand so tightly Lexa worried it might leave it a mark. Clarke hadn’t meant to hurt the teacher. In fact, she hadn’t hurt the teacher in anger. She had, again, been reminded of all the times Atom had apologized after yelling and calling her names. It also reminded her how the only time he hadn’t apologized was after he threw stuff at her.  _

_ Her brain connected someone not apologizing to her with someone who didn’t care for her. Someone who everything they had ever said to her had been a lie. When Lexa hadn’t apologized in that month, Clarke assumed Lexa never meant any of it, and that Clarke never meant anything to her. Finally hearing that apology, to her, meant that Lexa might’ve meant it. She might’ve meant everything she told the girl, and that terrified her. It angered her as well, but she was more scared and sad at that moment.  _

_ To get Clarke to let go, Lexa spun the girl out in the opposite direction. When Lexa brought her back in, the girl exhaled a shaky breath “Don’t apologize,” her voice was so cold that Lexa almost thought it had come from someone else, “when you’ll do the same thing over and over again.” _

***********

Clarke narrowed her eyes at Lexa, and the older woman automatically understood where Clarke’s brain went. “I don’t know what else you want me to say. That I wish I had handled it differently? I do. That I wish I had walked away sooner? I wished I hadn’t walked away at all!” Lexa yelled, but it wasn’t an angry yell. That much Clarke understood. It was Lexa’s way of trying to get the point across. Still, Lexa caught herself and looked down at her hands sadly.

“But you did,” Clarke managed to whisper. Lexa’s head snapped to hers and the woman smiled slightly. She couldn’t help but take note of how different the blonde sounded, in a good way. 

“But I did,” Lexa nodded while laying down on the floor. 

“Thank you for that night,” Clarke said after a few moments as she laid down on the floor next to Lexa, both staring vacantly at the ceiling. 

“Thank you?” Lexa asked. 

“It hurt,” Clarke admitted, and she heard Lexa make a small noise that she knew was that of a dying apology. “But it’s what I needed.”

“Hmm?” Lexa asked, turning to face the blonde. 

Despite her hatred for the older woman, she couldn’t help but admire the features she had spent months drawing in high school. They had changed. Clarke smiled subtly before explaining, “‘In order for a Pheonix to rise,” Clarke paused, “it first must burn.”

“Why aren’t you living with Bellamy?” Lexa asked after a while, and Clarke swore she heard some bitterness in the older woman’s voice. 

“We broke up,” Clarke shrugged while flashing her left hand, bare of a ring.

“Oh… damn,” Lexa muttered.

Again, Clarke shrugged, “It was mutual. We’re better as friends.”

“At least you were civil about it,” Lexa shrugged. 

“Is it bad that I feel freer now?” Clarke asked after a while.

“I don’t think it’s bad,” Lexa admitted, looking back at the ceiling now, and Clarke knew exactly what was in her mind

“It feels bad,” Clarke sighed, turning back to look at the ceiling as well. 

A few minutes later, Lexa again broke the silence, “We were friends first, right?”

Clarke laughed, slightly bitter, but mostly good natured, “We were teacher and student first.”

“I had that coming,” Lexa chuckled.

“Yes. We were,” Clarke argeed after some seconds of silence. 

“Do you think we can be friends again?” Lexa asked. 

“Maybe one day,” Clarke agreed.

“So you don’t hate me?” Lexa asked, closing her eyes.

“I don’t think I could ever hate you,” Clarke said, turning to look at Lexa, and Lexa looked back, “I wanted to. God, I really wanted to, but I just can’t.” She shrugged and turned away again. 

“I don’t think I could hate you either, even if I wanted to,” Lexa admitted, and both girls closed their eyes for a moment, allowing the information to sink in. 

“I don’t trust you,” Clarke said after a while, and Lexa looked a little confused. “You broke your promise,” Clarke explained further, “and I don’t know if I’ll ever forgive you for that.”

“I- I did promise,” Lexa agreed while hanging her head in shame. 

“Why are you just taking everything I say to you?” Clarke asked, getting a little aggravated that Lexa was agreeing whenever she threatened the brunette's trustworthiness.

“Because I deserve it,” she reasoned as she looked up and Clarke, and Clarke took a quick intake of breath when she saw Lexa’s face. “Give me hell.”

“I-” Clarke paused, “Really?”

“Get it out,” Lexa told her.

“You too,” Clarke agreed, and they both nodded, accepting the terms. 

Clarke took a deep breath and said, “You left me. You promised not to leave me like everyone else does and you left anyway. You didn’t even look back!” By the end, Clarke was yelling, and she felt a little worried that her friends would hear and interrupt. Lexa nodded, letting Clarke know she could continue, so she did, “You didn’t even look back to see the heart broken expression I had when I realized what had happened. You didn’t see me collapsing into a worried Raven’s arms. You sure as hell didn’t see the shit I went through to get to where I am today! You walked away! You walked away after promising you wouldn’t!” Clarke paused and took a deep breath, allowing Lexa to speak.

“I looked back,” she admitted, and Clakre had to bite her lip to stop herself from crying at the expression she saw on Lexa’s face, “I looked back in time to see you turn your face in realization. I looked back in time to watch you fall to the floor in tears, only to be swept up by Raven. I don’t know what happened after that, but I have to live with the fact that it’s my fault!” 

“Did you drink?” Clarke asked worriedly.

“No,” Lexa admitted, a tinge of pride in her voice.

“Good,” Clarke nodded.

“Did you?” Lexa asked, and Clarke merely shrugged. “Clarke,” Lexa said sternly.

“A lot more than I wish I had,” Clarke admitted.

*************

_ “Clarke, this is getting bad. You need to stop,” Octavia scolded her.  _

_ “You’re failing your classes!” Raven yelled, trying to snap her out of whatever depressive episode she was going through, “If you don’t get your shit together, you’re going to lose your place!”  _

_ Clarke waved a dismissive hand as she reached for another drink, only for it to be slapped out of her hand by Octavia. “Stop it!” Octavia screamed, emotion obvious in her voice. Well, it was obvious to anyone who had heard it. Clarke hadn’t heard a word they were saying. She felt like she was floating in the clouds and nothing could reach her.  _

_ Octavia made a frustrated noise before walking out of the house and back to her car. “Get it together, Clarke,” Raven whispered as she followed Octavia out.  _

_ A few hours later, Octavia and Raven received a frantic call from Bellamy that Clarke was unconscious on the floor, and he didn’t see her breathing. She was sitting in a pile of her vomit, and they all knew what that meant.  _

_ None of them knew that the problems Clarke was having ran that deep. None of them expected Clarke to drink that much, and Raven and Octavia constantly blamed themselves for not staying with her that night.  _

***********

Lexa simply nodded, understanding how hard it would be for Clarke to open up to her now. Clarke nodded as well, letting Lexa know she was done talking. “Do you still drink?” Lexa asked.

“From time to time. I’m technically still not legal, but there’s always someone monitoring me,” Clarke explained, and Lexa nodded. 

“Do you…” Clarke trailed off, “Do you remember when you found me in that park?” She laughed a little, and Lexa knew this was meant to be something fun to remember. 

“I was so scared,” Lexa admitted with a laugh, “I felt so weird about bringing a student home.”

“Well, you stopped… whatever the hell happens to young girls in rich neighborhoods,” Clarke laughed, and Lexa couldn’t help but chuckle. 

“Are you and Anya close?” Lexa asked. 

“Kind of,” Clarke shrugged, “Are you two still close?”

“Yeah. Like two peas in a pod,” Lexa laughed, but it was obvious that she was being serious. 

“I’m surprised she didn’t spill all my dirty secrets to you,” Clarke giggled, and Lexa paused for a moment to commit the sound to memory. 

“Nah. Anya’s not like that,” Lexa assured her, and Clarke nodded.

“Yeah, I guess we learned that the hard way,” Clarke huffed, and despite the tension in the room from the comment, both girls laughed at the memory of being caught by Anya that day in Lexa’s classroom. 

“I should get going,” Lexa said while standing up and dusting the invisible dirt off her pants. 

Clarke nodded and said, “Thanks for talking stuff out with me.”

“We never were very good at it, were we?” Lexa commented with a chuckle, and Clarke couldn’t help but laugh as well. 

“I’ll see you around,” Clarke said, and Lexa nodded as she walked out to her car. 

Suddenly, from literally nowhere, Octavia and Raven appeared. “Details, Clarkie, details!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so, Bellarke's reign has ended. It's a little shorter than I would've liked, but I really don't enjoy writing bellarke. So, me being the people pleaser I am, brought the end of Bellarke and the beginning of Clexa to you in one chapter :)
> 
> .... Wanna guess what I'm gonna say? ....
> 
> Feedback! 
> 
> Bet ya never saw that coming ;)


	4. Trust Pt. 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We get to see a day in the life of Lexa. More Clexa talk. More information on both character's lives since graduation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is one of two parts, but part two won't come out for a while. It's not going to be like this is part one and the next chapter will be part 2. ANYWAY, I really love this chapter because it's just so wholesome. Enjoy :)
> 
> I've also been looking for new Clexa fics to read if you guys have suggestions. I'm basically into stories that have the same premise as what I write. 
> 
> P.S. I think this is one of my longest chapters (4680 words)

Lexa woke the next morning to a loud thud in her new apartment’s kitchen. She grumbled and got out of bed, ready to scold her roommate for being an idiot. When she made it to the kitchen, she saw her friend shirtless with a girl pressed against their counter “Really?” she exclaimed dryly, “I eat there.”

Both girls jumped, and Lexa barely managed to cover her eyes before the two, shirtless, turned to face her. “Sorry, sis,” Luna shrugged before locating her shirt as well as the other girl’s, “You’re good now.”

Lexa skeptically removed her hand from her eyes, double checking that it was indeed safe. Lexa gave Luna an annoyed look before telling the other woman, “Please, get out of my house.” The woman looked annoyed, but she left nonetheless.

“Why are you always such an ass in the mornings now?” Luna huffed.

“Since you and your sexcapades woke me up at,” she glanced at the clock in her apartment, “4 in the morning.” 

Luna merely shrugged and grabbed an apple from a nearby fruit bowl. “Luna no those are-” she was cute off by a grumpy noise by her friend who tried to bite into the apple. “Fake,” she finished dryly. 

“Why the hell would you put fake apples in the kitchen?” Luna asked angrily.

“I’m trying to be decorative,” Lexa shrugged, “people think fake apples are cute.”

“Not this person,” Luna huffed.

“Aww, is someone grumpy I ruined her fun?” Lexa teased.

“Yes,” Luna huffed again.

“Aww, well someone else is worried you ruined her sleep,” Lexa smirked while pulling a real apple from the selection of fake ones in the fruit bowl.

“Are you fu-” Luna trailed off angrily as she walked back to her room, causing Lexa to laugh hysterically.’

“What do you want for breakfast?” Lexa called to her friend, figuring she owes her a little.

“Hmm, pancakes and sausage.”

“Coming right up!” Lexa said as she made her way around the kitchen and began cooking. 

When the food was done, it was only about 5 in the morning. She was a little upset about being woken up so early, but she did have an interview at 9:30am. Since she moved here, she’s been looking for new job applications. Until recently, the only jobs had been at UCLA. Lexa loved the school, she graduated from there after all, but it’s also where Clarke, Octavia, and Raven went to school. She was not going down that rabbit hole again. No way. 

Luna shuffled her way into the kitchen as she made a plate of food for herself, joining Lexa who was already sitting down at their small dining room table. The two were silent for a while until Luna quietly said, “You still love her.”

“Who?” Lexa asked obviously as she took a sip of apple juice she had poured herself prior. 

“Clarke,” Luna said, and Lexa had to fight her body’s need to cough as she practically snorted apple juice out of her nose. 

“I wouldn’t say I love he-” Lexa started, but Luna cut her off

“You love her,” Luna concluded. 

“Fine, or don’t listen to me,” Lexa huffed as she continued eating.

“I’m just saying, I saw how devastated you were when she left college, and I saw how devastated you were when she didn’t talk to you at the party. We both knew it wasn’t because she didn’t want to; it was because she couldn’t. She doesn’t trust you,” Luna concluded.

“She shouldn’t,” Lexa shrugged sadly. 

“Lexa,” Luna said, and in a rare show of affection, Luna reached for Lexa’s hand, “You’re an incredibly trustworthy person. Your promise to Clarke is probably one of the first ones you’ve ever broken. Let’s not forget, Clarke is practically the most forgiving person on the planet. I don’t like her much, but there’s no denying that.”

“She shouldn’t forgive me,” Lexa said sadly, “I promised her. She was so sad and broken when I promised that I had never imagined there’d be a time when I wouldn’t be able to help her,” Lexa admitted sadly, “and then it all went to shit.”

“And then it all went to shit,” Luna repeated while poking at her food with her fork. 

“Did I do the right thing?” Lexa asked.

“Ethically? Yes. Socially? Definitely not,” Luna said simply.

“Thank you for the support,” Lexa huffed sarcastically as she stuffed food into her face. 

“You’re on dishes,” Lexa waved a hand at her friend while she got up to get ready for her interview in a few hours. Luna groaned angrily, but Lexa saw her get up and begin to clean. 

Lexa quickly showered and got herself ready. By the time she was done, she realized it was 9am, and she’d have to leave now if she wanted to be on time. “Bye, Luna,” Lexa said as she walked out the door. She heard a muffled “Bye, Lex” from inside, and she smiled slightly. 

By the time she arrived at the high school she was being interviewed at, it was 9:20, and she was happy that she was a little early. She was usually a punctual person, but she sometimes ran late due to her roommates. Well, roommate now. 

A few moments later, someone came out of the office and said that it was Lexa’s turn. She smiled politely at them as she entered the office. “Hello, I’m Mrs. McIntyre. I’m the principle here,” she introduced herself. 

“Ah,” she sighed in acknowledgement, “Lexa Woods,” she offered her hand professionally for the woman. The woman took her hand and shook it firmly much to Lexa’s surprise. 

“Alright, I’ve looked through your resume, and it seems that you have a clean record,” the woman stated, and Lexa cringed internally. She didn’t really have a clean record, but that was a one time slip-up. Since she had kissed her student, she had realized that she never wanted to kiss anyone else. Not even just students, no one in general. It was a scary realization, but it was something she admitted to herself.  __

Over the years, she also reminded herself that she’s not a predator. She truly believes that Clarke and her were a case of finding the right person at the wrong time. Of course, if Clarke didn’t feel the same, she wouldn’t push Clarke to believe it as well. Another thought that reminded her she’s not a bad person. She made a mistake. People make mistakes all the time. 

“All we need to do is talk a bit about what you want to do here. Some of the staff is open to teaching new subjects, so it’s possible you could teach something like math while the previous math teacher teaches the open subject,” the woman explained, “does that make sense?”

“Yes,” Lexa answered simply but professionally, “At my old school, I taught psychology. I have a double minor in psychology and sociology, as I’m sure you saw. Really, I would prefer to be a counselor.”

Truly, that had been her goal since high school. She always wanted to be a counselor, but when the opportunity to teach in general, no matter the subject, arose, Lexa accepted. 

“We currently have a counselor for every grade,” the woman explained while pulling out a folder, probably information on the current counselor, “but one’s a little old. From what I gather, most students don’t really like her because she’s hard to relate to. I suspect you might be a better fit.”

“Oh, that’s,” Lexa blushed in embarrassment slightly, “I wouldn’t want to take her job, but I mean, if the students want someone new, then I’d be first in line.” Lexa had dropped her usually professional attitude for something more… human. 

The other woman laughed, and she said, “You’re hired.”

“I- what?” Lexa asked, completely confused. 

“The fact that you were more worried about the students opinions than your career says a lot,” the woman smiled, “The older woman mentioned something about retiring anyway.” Both women laughed slightly as the principal handed Lexa some paperwork. Lexa saw that it was a form where she had to put her signature, basically stating that she accepted the job and payment. That kind of stuff. 

“She’s the Junior year counselor, so you have yourself in for something rough. Junior and Freshman year are rumored to be the hardest,” the principal explained, “Still, I think you’ll excel.”

“Thank you,” Lexa said with a smile.

“You can start as soon as the summer ends,” she informed Lexa to which the woman nodded.

“The older woman won’t mind?” Lexa asked for confirmation.

“I’m sure she’ll be over the moon,” she assured Lexa, “We’re giving her a bonus for her retirement fund.”

Lexa nodded and offered the woman a smile. She didn’t have to pay the woman extra, but she was going to anyway. Then again, LA schools had a lot more funding than schools in Arkadia, so maybe this was normal.

Lexa, again, shook the woman’s hand and left the building. She walked back to her car and drove herself back to her apartment where she immediately blurted out the good news to Luna.

“That’s great!” she exclaimed. 

“Oh, and, even better, they still have an open spot there, so you can apply too!” Lexa told her excitedly. Luna had been looking for a job as well, and hearing that she wouldn’t have to separate from her friend put her over the moon.

“Hell yeah!” Luna exclaimed as she made a few phone calls, trying to set up some sort of interview. “I got an interview,” she smirked triumphantly.

A few moments later, Lexa got a call from Lincoln which she quickly answered, “Hey, Linc.”

“Hey, Lexi. The group and I are going to the beach for the rest of the day. Wanna come?” he asked.

Lexa paused for a moment before asking, “Clarke doesn’t mind?”

“I asked her,” Lincoln said, “she doesn’t mind.”

“Alright,can I invite Luna?” she asked. 

Lincoln paused for a moment before saying, “Let me ask Clarke.” Lexa ten waited for Lincoln to return with the verdict. “Clarke said she doesn’t mind.” 

Lexa smiled and said, “Let me ask Luna.” she took the phone from her ear and put her hand over the microphone. “Wanna go to the beach with Linc and all them?” she asked Luna.

“Why the hell not. Interview’s in a few days anyway,” Luna answered, and Lexa smiled.

She brought the phone back to her ear and removed her hand from the microphone. “We’ll be there soon,” she told him, “Send us the parking location and we’ll meet you in the lot.”

“Sounds good. See you soon, Lex,” Lincoln said while hanging up. A few moments later, while Lexa was putting on her swimsuit, she heard a notification come from her phone, and she read off the location as she finished changing. 

Once she and Luna finished changing, they each threw clothes on over their bikinis and packed a small cooler and bag with a few snacks and drinks. She watched as Luna packed alcohol, and she briefly thought about Clarke admitting her struggle with alcohol. The girl wasn’t even legal yet. In the end, Lexa made no protest as she knew Lincoln, Anya, and Luna would enjoy the beverage. She also knew that, under no circumstances, would Clarke or any of her friends be allowed to drink any. 

“Ready?” she asked Luna, and the older woman nodded. 

They both walked out their apartment, locked the door, and packed themselves into Luna’s Hyundai Tucson. Luna had traded in her old car for a Tucson when they first moved because she knew it would be better for beach trips like this. Lexa then gave Luna the directions to the parking lot they were going to, and they made their way to the beach.

When they arrived, they saw the whole gang was there. Well, almost the whole gang. Bellamy wasn’t there, but Lexa assumed that was due to the recent break up between him and Clarke. Lexa and Luna stepped out of the car and met up with the group. Everyone said their hellos, and Lexa made sure to stick by Anya's side as she was the only in the group she was close with. 

Soon, they found an empty space big enough for the group of them, and they all started setting up. Lincoln helped Octavia set up against Octavia’s protests which made everyone laugh. “I really don’t know why you always suggest going to the beach when all you do is whine,” Clarke pointed out, causing their whole group to erupt in laughter.

“I just get cold easily!” she complained, “I like feeling the sun on my skin.”

“Then stop pouting,” Raven quipped with a playful smile, causing Octavia to just roll her eyes. 

Lexa watched the whole interaction, and she noticed how comfortable Clarke was. She also noticed that Clarke was talking, even though Luna was in earshot. She thought back to when that might’ve happened, and she realized that Luna had been nothing but friendly since she arrived. It’s possible Luna apologized…

“Luna,” Lexa whispered to her friend. 

“Hmm?” Luna hummed back.

“Did you apologize to Clarke?” she asked.

“Yeah,” Luna admitted, “I felt bad about being an asshole ever since she graduated. I told her I was sorry a little while ago while you were catching up with Anya.”

“Oh, okay,” Lexa said, a little surprised. Her friend rarely ever apologized. Luna simply nodded and stripped off her shirt and pants to get in the water. Lexa laughed at her friend as she did the same.

“You’re drooling,” Raven whispered to Clarke as the two were laying down, propped up on their elbows. Clarke had yet to remove her clothes as she wasn’t sure how she felt being in a bikini around her ex teacher and ex…. teacher/crush

“How could I not,” Clarke muttered with wide eyes, “I forgot she had abs.”

“Forgot?” Raven exclaimed loudly, and Clarke had to cover their girl’s mouth before she drew too much attention to them.

“Shut up,” she whispered as she removed her hand from her friend's mouth, “I knew she had abs since she saved me from drowning at the trip.”

“Oh,” Raven sighed in realization, “she is insanely toned for a woman.” Clarke simply nodded and laid down, forcing herself to remove her gaze from the brunette in the water. 

A little while later, Clarke felt water dropping onto her skin. She removed the arm she had draped over her eyes and found a smirking Lexa standing over her. “Hi,” she said nicely though her confusion was a little obvious. 

“If you’re trying to tan, I don’t think you’re doing it right,” Lexa pointed out, causing Raven to snort.

“Shut up, Reyes,” Clarke said grumpily, “I wasn’t trying to tan; I was trying to nap.”

“Sure, Jan,” Lexa smirked, knowing she was right.

“Go back in the water,” Clarke waved her away playfully, and the older woman snorted as she ran back to the water. 

A few moments later, Clarke felt someone shake her. She removed her arm from over her eyes, again, she saw Raven smiling at her. “Want to see how much Lexa cares?” Raven asked mischievously. 

“What do you mean, Rae?” Clarke asked.

“Lexa doesn’t know you can swim, does she?” Raven asked, still smirking mischievously.

“No, Rae. I’m not gonna do that to her,” Clarke chuckled, not wanting to give the brunette a heart attack.

“Well, don’t say I didn’t ask,” Raven said as she scooped Clarke up bridal style. 

“Raven put me down!” Clarke screamed while flailing around. “How the hell can you even lift me?” Clarke asked, a little more calm. 

“Anya makes me work out with her,” Raven shrugged.

“Fuck you, Anya!” Clarke exclaimed, and the woman just laughed. 

“Too late, she’s already fucking me,” Raven smirked.

“Ew!” Clarke yelled, trying harder to get out of her friend’s grasps.

“You have 10 seconds to strip off those clothes before I throw you in,” Raven said while carefully placing her friend down. 

Clarke sighed, knowing she’d end up in the water one way or another. She took a deep breath and pulled her shirt and shorts off, only to have Raven whisper in her ear, “Lovergirl’s staring.” Clarke swatted at her and made grabby hands at her friend.

“Oh no. Absolutely not,” Raven said, smacking at her friends hands.

“Now that I know you can hold me, you can just carry me everywhere now,” Clarke smiled as she continued making grabby hands, and Clarke noticed, out of the corner of her eye, Lexa was smiling at Clarke.

“Oh my God. You’re such a baby,” Raven sighed as she lifted her friend. 

“Yay!” Clarke exclaimed. 

A few moments later, Raven waded in the water and tossed Clarke in aggressively. Raven watched intently as Lexa stared in Clarke’s direction with wide, worried eyes. Luna did the same, but neither moved. When Clarke finally broke the surface, Lexa swam over and smacked her arm. “I thought you couldn’t swim!” she exclaimed, worry obvious in her voice. 

“I took lessons after I almost drowned. My parents insisted,” Clarke shrugged, and Lexa gave her an annoyed look. Clarke just smirked and splashed water in Lexa’s direction.

“You did not,” Lexa gasped incredulously. 

“I believe you just made a mistake, Griffin,” Luna said from beside Lexa.

“Raven! Come save me!” Clarke yelled as she tried to swim away from the two girls. She heard Raven laugh as she made no attempt to save the blonde. Unfortunately, Luna was apparently a strong swimmer, and she easily got in front of Clarke and splashed her back for Lexa. 

“Sorry, I’ve got to defend her honor,” Luna laughed as she pointed at Lexa who was basically swimming beside Clarke the whole time, not able to get in front of her. 

“Eh, what are best friends for,” Clarke shrugged as she wiped the salt water out of her eyes to the best of her abilities. 

“Linc’s back with sandwiches!” Octavia yelled from the beach, causing all the girls to get out of the water. 

Clarke walked to her towel and put it over herself as she began to shiver. The water and air was a lot warmer than the last time they came, but Clarke was still cold. “Aww, Clarkie’s cold,” Raven cooed as she cuddled up to her friend and rubbed her arms to try and warm her up.

“Clarkie?” Lexa and Luna asked, though Lexa had a smirk while Luna looked confused.

“I swear to God,” Clarke said while giving Lexa and Raven a death glare. Raven for spilling her secret, and Lexa hopes the woman wouldn’t adopt the nickname.

“It has a nice ring to it,” Lexa smirked as she took a bite out of her sandwich.

“No,” Clarke complained in a whine while Raven just high fived Lexa. “I hate you all.”

“Love you too… Clarkie,” Raven teased. In retaliation, Clarke pushed her friend into the sand. Her friend spat out the sand that got in her mouth as she death glared at her friend. 

“That was unnecessary,” she said, speaking weird as she tried to get the rest of the sand out of her mouth.

“True, but it was fun,” Clarke smirked, and she saw Anya walk over to give Raven some water to get the sand out of her mouth. 

“So, anything new in life, Lexi?” Lincoln asked out of the blue, causing Clarke to smirk. 

“Clarke,” Lexa said in a warning tone, causing the rest of the group to laugh.

“Sorry Lexi- I mean Lex,” Lincoln tried to apologize, but he just ended up laughing hysterically.

“It has a nice ring to it,” Clarke mocked while taking a bite of her sandwich with a smirk.

“Lexi. Clarkie. Oh look, they rhyme,” Octavia pointed out with a smirk.

“No shit, O,” Raven laughed.

“Hey! You’re not allowed to be rude to the pregnant bitch,” Octavia complained.

“Language!” Lincoln reprimanded his wife, “it can hear you.”

The rest of the group laughed while Octavia muttered apologies to her stomach and her fiance. “So, when’s the wedding,” Lexa said jokingly.

“Probably sometime after the baby’s born,” Octavia answered seriously.

“Wait what,” Lexa spluttered, causing the group to laugh.

“They’ve been engaged for a few months now,” Clarke explained, understanding exactly why she was confused. 

“Oh,” Lexa breathed, “And you didn’t tell me you as-” she cut herself off remembering “it can hear you” and instead said, “You… rude person.”

The group laughed, and Lexa frowned. “See, even Lexa can stop herself from swearing in front of it,” Lincoln teased. 

“Lexa works with teens for a living. Isn’t she like… not allowed to swear,” Octavia pointed out, remembering how she never heard Lexa swear a single time as her student. Lexa just shrugged, and Lincoln did too. 

“You really shouldn’t call the baby an it,” Clarke pointed out, and everyone chuckled, realizing Clarke was actually right.

“Well, we don’t know the sex or gender. I suppose we could call them “they” but that makes it seem more like there’s more than one, and I don’t want to psych myself out like that,” Octavia pointed out with a giggle. 

“Hmm, call it a pound cake,” Raven said randomly.

“A what?” Everyone asked, completely confused.

“That’s what I call the extra fat on my stomach. A pound cake. Next time you bring up the little one, just say ‘Pound cake can hear you’,” Raven explained, and everyone nodded slowly, seeming to take in the information.

“That… could work,” Octavia pointed out.

“Didn’t Jane from Jane the Virgin call her baby a milkshake?” Clarke asked after a few seconds which made everyone laugh.

“Why am I not surprised you watched that?” Raven laughed even harder while Clarke frowned. 

“It was actually a pretty good show. A tad dramatic, but good,” Lexa shrugged, and Clarke snapped her head to Lexa in surprise. 

“You watched it?” Clarke asked incredulously.

“Mhm,” Lexa hummed, and Clarke smiled, happy she wasn’t the only one who had seen it. 

“You guys were made for each other,” Luna said as she rolled her eyes without realizing the impact it had on the two girls. They looked at each other for a few seconds before simultaneously looking away from each other. 

“You even looked away from each other simultaneously!” Raven exclaimed, earning a strong punch in the arm from Clarke who was trying to hide the fact that she was blushing excessively. 

“They are oddly in sync,” Lincoln agreed. 

“Leave them be,” Anya sighed. She was the only one who knew the conflicting feelings from both parties. She wanted the two to end up together because after much debate, she believed they’d be good for each other. Hell, in the few months they knew each other, Anya watched them both change for the better. The best thing they could do was let them figure it out themselves without pressuring them one way or another. 

Clarke snapped her head to face Anya. The two were friends, but they definitely weren’t as close as Clarke was with everyone else. There was still some bad blood there, and she was surprised that Anya was defending both of them, not just Lexa,

“Of course Anya would spoil all the fun,” Luna sighed as she grabbed a disguised bottle of alcohol from the cooler she and Lexa packed. Lexa watched as Clarke’s eyes followed the bottle curiously before she turned her focus back to the gatorade she had in her hand. 

“Did she really bring alcohol here knowing three people here absolutely cannot drink?” Anya asked with an annoyed sigh. 

“Me, Clarke, and O?” Raven asked dumbly.

“Well…” Anya trailed off because that’s not what she meant. She glanced to Lexa, quietly asking her permission to tell everyone, and Lexa subtly nodded. They were basically family now, “I meant Lexa, Octavia, and Clarke.”

“Why can’t Lexa drink? She’s legal,” Raven asked.

“Same reason as I can’t, Rae,” Clarke pointed out, and Raven nodded in understanding with an open mouth. 

“Wait,” Luna said while putting a finger up, “What happened to Clarke?”

The three girls merely shook their head, not wanting to talk about it. That’s when Lexa truly grasped how bad it must’ve been. When Lexa nearly died because of her abuse, or more accurately, her abuse of multiple drugs and alcohol at the same time, she never wanted to talk about it. Did Clarke…?

“That bad, huh?” Luna asked, and all three girls shivered at the memory. Lexa had to look terrified because Clarke just gave her a sad shrug.

“It wasn’t  that bad,” Clarke countered, “We just don’t like to talk about it.”

“It wasn’t a fun time,” Octavia said. She had remembered how her brother had been overly protective of Clarke when he found out. He wouldn’t let her anywhere near alcohol, and he made her eat healthy for 6 months afterward until Octavia finally told her brother to calm down. That on top of Clarke’s almost-death had been enough to send Clarke into a really bad mental state. She was on all kinds of drugs -which Bellamy was also overbearing about- trying to help her. She only got better after Bellamy stopped being so overbearing. She still takes anti-depressants from time to time, but she’s not on a schedule. 

Lexa and Luna nodded in understanding after Anya gave her friends a look to drop the subject. Anya had been majorly affected because Clarke’s state was taking a toll on Raven. She also knew Lincoln was affected because Octavia was also affected by Clarke’s state. All around, that time period sucked. It didn’t help that it was the first semester of the girl’s freshman year either. 

A few moments later, Clarke left the small circle the group made, and she walked to the water. She waded there for a while, and eventually, Lexa got up to check on her. She had waited to not only give her time, but also to see if any of her friends would follow after her first. When no one stopped Lexa from going to talk to Clarke, she assumed it was alright. 

“You alright?” Lexa asked quietly as she approached the younger blonde. 

“Just realizing how awful my taste in men is,” she laughed, but Lexa knew that wasn’t really what she was thinking about. Well,Lexa figured it was likely she was thinking about all the bad things the men she dated had done to her. 

“Bellamy didn’t seem too bad,” Lexa said, but her tone didn’t hold much weight. She knew looks could be deceiving. 

“He meant well,” Clarke agreed as she sat down, allowing the waves to wash into her lap. Lexa sat down next to her and nodded.

“Are you upset?” Lexa asked.

“About what?” Clarke asked.

“That it’s over,” Lexa explained further.

“A little. We were together for two years, and he kind of became a part of me,” Clarke explained honestly with a heavy sigh, “Still, I think we both needed it. We weren’t right for each other.”

“Makes sense,” Lexa admitted.

“Lexa?” Clarke asked again.

“Hmm?” Lexa hummed.

“Thanks for coming back into my life,” she said honestly, “even if it took you two years.” She laughed a little at the end, and Lexa smiled.

“Even if it took me two years?” Lexa asked playfully for confirmation. 

Clarke simply nodded and held her chin with her hands as she placed her elbows on her knees. “Didn’t miss me too much did you?” Lexa teased.

“No, not at all,” Clarke played along because Clarke was glad Lexa didn’t make a big deal over her admission.

Really, Lexa was bursting with happiness at Clarke’s admission. She expected the girl to hate her for all of eternity, but then she comes back to find out the blonde never hated her and is glad to have her back in her life. The girl might not trust her yet, but Lexa would do everything she could to prove she was worthy of that trust. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Clexa talks a bit more :) I actually really liked writing about them learning more about each other since they split up. Anyway, it's still going to be a while before Clarke can trust Lexa again, but I think Clexa is getting back to the friendship they had before the kiss. Also, in case it's unclear, Clarke has forgiven Lexa for leaving because she understand why Lexa and her had to stop being together, in a friendly way or otherwise, but she's still hurt about Lexa breaking the one promise Clarke decided to trust. We all know Clarke has trust issues, so Lexa making the promise was big for Clarke. As expected, the betrayal of that hurt, and still does hurt, Clarke. Hence where there's a lack of trust while they can still kind of be friends. ALSO Clarke doesn't trust Lexa with her heart and feelings, but she does trust Lexa to give her advice and support her like she did before their kiss. I hope that makes sense and clears up any possible questions.
> 
> I've been thinking about giving Luna a girlfriend because a lot of people said they wanted to see it, and as much as I'd like to put Luna with Anya and Raven, Luna and Anya dated in high school. I don't think they'd date each other again. They kind of figured they're better as friends, even with Raven involved. Because of this, I was thinking of adding Ontari (she's the only one I can think of where I'd be able to write her as a proper love interest for Luna). If that's the case, Ontari would be kind of like Raven in that sarcastic "I'm a sweet asshole" kind of way.
> 
> Lastly, I've been trying to delete the third chapter since it's not actually part of the story, and it was meant to be temporary anyway. I've been clicking the delete chapter option as well as the "okay" in the little pop-up, but it literally will not go away. Does anyone know what I should do because I'm very confused ahaha
> 
> Feedback :)


	5. Pound Cake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke, Raven, and Anya stop Octavia from turning into Godzilla. Anya cashes in on Clarke's promise to teach her how to cook. Clanya talk :). Octavia being pregnant and Raven being... Raven.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uhhh... Stan Clanya Brotp :) 
> 
> Love their chat because I feel like Anya's perspective on the whole situation is really perfect, and it truly tells you what both girls went through as well as a little insight into their feelings. Because Anya "bats for both teams" she knows exactly what both girls went through and how it effect them. It also means that she's not picking favorites. Luna would obviously "pick" Lexa's side while Raven and Octavia would probably "pick" Clarke's side. Not even because they're each other's friends, but also because that's the only perspective they know. Luna doesn't know how it broke Clarke just as Octavia and Raven don't know how much it broke Lexa.

“Rae,” Anya whispered to the sleeping form next to her. 

“Hmm?” she hummed back sleepily.

“Clarke called. She needs your help with Octavia,” Anya explained to her girlfriend. She lovingly twirled a strand of the brunette’s hair between her fingers which made the younger girl smile happily.

“Why can’t she deal with her by herself,” Raven whined while pulling Anya closer to her, “just because she’s pregnant doesn’t mean she’s fucking Godzilla.”

Anya laughed before saying, “Apparently, Clarke says she’s ‘used to dealing with babies, not pregnant ladies’. Her words, not mine.”

“And she thinks I’m used to pregnant ladies?” Raven asked sarcastically.

“No, she just needs your silly sarcasm to stop her from being a raging bitch,” Anya continued to explain, chuckling at her girlfriend’s words.

“She’s the idiot who decided to live with the pregnant lady,” Raven quipped which made Anya snort out a laugh.

“Because she knew Octavia was the only person who would let her live with her,” Anya pointed out, and Raven groaned because she knew Anya was right. 

It wasn't that Raven didn’t want Clarke to move in. She loved her friend, and she would love to live with her. She just knew that Clarke and Anya still weren’t close. They were way closer than they had been, but they still had a ways to go before they were completely comfortable with each other. 

“Will you come with me,” Raven said in a pouty voice, and Anya already knew she was done for. 

“I- Rae,” Anya still complained and fought against the idea, “I wanted to go check in on Lexa and Luna.”

“Bull shit. You were ready to spend all day with me,” Raven argued, and Anya had to laugh at the younger girl’s persistence, “C’mon, I’ll force Clarkie to teach you how to cook.”

Anya growled, mostly because she hated being reminded of her inability to cook. She also wasn’t very close with the blonde, and she felt it might be awkward. Then again, Raven would only be one shout away… 

“Okay,” Anya agreed in a sigh as she got out of bed to get ready. Raven cheered quietly as she also got up and began changing.

When the two were finally ready, Raven got in her car and shot a quick text off to Clarke. 

**Birdie:** _On my way with Anya. You’d better be prepare to teach her to cook :)_

 **Griffy:** _Oooo. I’ve been waiting for this :)_

 **Birdie:** _To teach my girlfriend to cook?_

 **Griffy:** _No idiot, that sounds terrifying. I’ve been waiting for you to come save my ass because O is about 2 words away from tearing her apartment down_

Raven laughed aloud, and upon receiving a confused look from Anya, she read the text series out for Anya to hear. Anya also laughed which made Raven say, “Please, don’t eat Clarke when she tries to teach you. The poor girl is quaking in her boots.”

Anya practically cackled which made Raven laugh. Anya laughed that it was so easy for her to make the girl laugh. She reached her hand across the console and grabbed her girlfriend’s hand with her free one. Her heart skipped a beat when Raven brought their joined hands to her lips and kissed Anya’s hand, but then she ruined the moment by kissing her own hand. “Really, Reyes,” Anya deadpanned, “and here I was thinking you finally learned how to be romantic.”

“I know how,” Raven smirked, “I just choose not to be.”

“Asshole,” Anya huffed.

“But I’m your asshole,” Raven said with sad eyes.

“That- think before you speak, Rae,” Anya laughed, drawing attention to how weird the statement would’ve sounded if taken out of context.

“Oh shut up,” Raven said while putting their entwined hands in her lap.

Anya smiled subtly as she pulled into Octavia’s driveway. “Are you excited to learn to cook, baby?” Raven teased her friend.

“Oh shut up,” Anya mocked.

“I know I’m excited that I won’t have to clean up the messes of your disasters,” she said while jumping out of the car and running into the house to avoid her girlfriend’s wrath. 

“That’s unfair! I’m too old to run!” Anya complained in a yell as she jogged to the door. 

“The party is here,” she heard Raven say from the inside as she opened the door.

“Thank God, Raven,” Clarke said. “Hi Anya,” she greeted less excitedly, and Anya decided to smile slightly to try not to seem so intimidating to the younger girl. It is her girlfriend’s best friend after all. She could also be her best friend’s girlfriend, so it’s probably best if they try to get along. 

“Thank God, Raven!” Octavia exclaimed as she rushed into the room, “I’m kind of freaking out here!”

“Calm down, O,” Raven said while grabbing her friend’s shoulders, “What’s going on.”

“Pound cake kicked!” she exclaimed. 

“That’s great!” Raven exclaimed happily.

“No, it’s not great!” Octavia yelled with glossy eyes.

“No, O, don’t cry,” Raven complained as if Octavia was the baby instead of the pregnant lady, “You know I’m not good with tears. Clarke!”

“It’s just.. Pound cake is really a baby,” Octavia sniffed while placing a hand on her, “Oh my god I’m having a baby.”

“Yes, O, you’re having a baby,” Raven said as she rubbed her friend’s arms soothingly.

“And, pound cake’s an early bloomer!” Clarke yelled from her spot in the kitchen with Anya, “Most babies don’t kick for another week or two.”

“See, Pound cake is a smart cookie just like their Aunty Rae,” Raven cooed as if the baby was actually present.

“Get over yourself,” Octavia shoved her playfully, “their smart like their Mommy.”

“Now who’s full of themself,” Raven quipped.

“Whatever. Wanna watch a movie?” Octavia offered randomly.

“Sure, O,” Raven chuckled, “Whatever you want.”

Meanwhile, Clarke was trying to teach Anya to teach in the kitchen. “Okay, let’s make scrambled eggs. That’s simple enough,” Clarke offered, and Anya agreed, “Alright, first we need to get eggs and milk.” Anya nodded and grabbed eggs and milk from the fridge. “Good, now we find a nice sized pan and place it on the burner at a medium to low temperature,” Clarke explained while she turned the stove on and placed the pan on it. Anya continued to nod along.

Clarke then walked over to the island counter of the kitchen where Anya had set out the milk and eggs. “Now, we need a bowl,” Anya walked to where Octavia kept her bowls and grabbed one big enough for mixing. “Good. Now we crack them,” Clarke explained as she cracked the eggs and let the yolk fall into the bowl, “and mix.” She handed the fork to Anya and hesitantly grabbed the girl’s wrist because she wasn’t sure if the older woman was comfortable with it.

Sensing Clarke’s unease, Anya simply nodded, and she felt the blonde relax a bit. Clarke then began making circular motions with Anya’s wrist to mix the eggs. “It’s all in the wrist,” she explained as she continued showing Anya the correct movement, “Now, try it.” Clarke removed her hand from Anya’s wrist and watched as the girl perfectly whisked the eggs together. “Perfect!” she exclaimed happily which made Anya smile. This was the farthest Anya had ever gotten without burning the house down or ruining a bowl.

“Now, we add a splash of milk for fluffiness,” Clarke explained while handing the milk to Anya. Anya tentatively poured a little milk until Clarke told her to stop. “Good,” Clarke smiled, “now we pour the contents into the pan we set up earlier.” She signaled for Anya to carry the bowl to the pan, and she watched closely as Anya dumped them into the pan. “Now, we stir it around,” Clarke said while handing Anya a spoon that would be safe to use, “until it cooks.”

“How will I know if it’s cooked?” Anya asked, sounding a little panicked.

“I’ll explain when I see that they’re cooked. It’ll be easier to describe then,” Clarke explained and Anya nodded.

A few moments, Clarke began talking again, “This is starting to look cooked,” she explained, “but it’s still moist. You see?” Anya looked closer but not to close, and she noticed that yes, the eggs were still moist. “You want them to be a little moist, but you don’t want them to be wet. Make sense?” Clarke asked, and Anya nodded again. “Around now is when I turn the heat off and let the cook strictly on the heat residing on the pan,” Clarke explained and signaled for Anya to turn the heat off.

Clarke then moved to a spice cabinet where she grabbed salt and pepper. “I also put a little salt and pepper on mine when they start to look cooked,” she explained while she handed the salt and pepper to anya who shook some salt and pepper onto the eggs. “Perfect,” Clarke complimented, and Anya smiled happily. “You can also add cheese and other things to the eggs after you initially mix them, but I usually don’t,” Clarke added once she remembered she’d forgotten to mention it. She then walked to a cabinet to pull out a plate. “Now, plate it,” Clarke explained.

Anya then grabbed the pan and began scraping the food onto the plate. “Usually I make buttered toast with my eggs, but that requires good multitasking skills. I don’t know if you’re there yet,” Clarke smirked and Anya playfully stuck her tongue out at the younger blonde. 

“Raven!” Anya exclaimed excitedly while she looked at her masterpiece. 

“What, An?” she yelled back in the same excited voice. 

“I cooked, and I didn’t burn the house down!” Anya cheered happily, and Raven rushed into the room to see if Anya was lying or not. 

“Holy shit. You did,” Raven said in disbelief, “Clarke, you’re a miracle working.”

Clarke simply shrugged and began cleaning the bowls and pan used for the cooking. “Taste it,” Clarke said simply as she continued cleaning. She knew damn well those would be the best scrambled eggs they’ve ever tasted. 

Raven took a tentative bite, keeping in mind that it was made by her kitchen disaster of a girlfriend, and she literally moaned when she tasted it. “Holy shit,” she said while a hand over her mouth, “That’s fucking gourmet.”

“No way,” Anya said as she took a bite, and Clarke watched humorously as the teacher’s eyes rolled to the back of her head, “Oh. My. God.”

“I forget how good of a cook you are sometimes, Griff,” Raven said with a mouthful of food.

“Pound cake’s gonna be eating good,” Octavia cheered as she entered the kitchen. “Ooo, Clarke’s scrambled eggs,” Octavia got distracted by the food on the counter.

“Actually, that would be Anya’s scrambled eggs,” she said proudly when Octavia took a bite and her eyes rolled to the back of her head. 

“No way. I thought she couldn’t cook!” Octavia exclaimed incredulously.

“Clarke’s a good teacher, apparently,” Anya shrugged as she blushed slightly. She wasn’t used to people eating, let alone enjoying, any food she made. 

“Okay, now let’s go finish watching finding nemo,” Octavia said while tugging Raven’s sleeve. 

“You’re such a baby,” she complained.

“Oo, I’m coming!” Clarke exclaimed. “We shouldn't short circuit Anya;s brain with too much cooking anyway,” she teased while sticking her tongue out.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” Anya said back, “I still don’t like you.”

“I'm sure you don’t,” Clarke smiled, but there was an undertone of truth that told Anya the girl knew that the two of them were still not on good terms. It was at times like now that Anya was glad the blonde was good at reading people and situations. Although, there were times when Clarke was oblivious to the situations, she was usually very observant.

The group walked back to Octavia’s living room where they all cuddled up together. Clarke was propped up against the arm of the couch while Octavia laid her head in Clarke’s lap, silently asking for the blonde to play with her hair which Clarke easily obliged. Raven sat next to Octavia with the pregnant woman’s feet in her lap which she mindlessly rubbed at, knowing the girl enjoyed small gestures like that. Raven was leaning into Anya who had her arms wrapped around the younger brunette. 

Clarke couldn’t help but smile at the group. Although she wasn’t close with Anya, she considered her a friend, and if it came to it, she’d trust Anya with her life which truly said a lot. The two had grudges that ran deep, but they tried to get over it for the people close to them. They also would never let those grudges get in the way of the friendly air of any room. 

When Clarke saw that the movie was over, she noticed that she and Anya were the only ones awake. She smiled at the older woman before looking down at her sleeping, pregnant friend in her lap. Octavia had come really far from the girl who held Clarke’s hair back in their room that day. She went from being the mothering friend to being the mother friend, and Clarke couldn’t be more proud of her. 

“Hey, Clarke,” Anya whispered from across the couch.

“Anya,” Clarke acknowledged.

“I know why I don’t exactly love you, but why don’t you like me?” she asked. There was no emotion in her voice, only curiosity. 

Clarke thought on it for a while until the moment came to mind. 

*************

_Fortunately, or unfortunately -Clarke wasn’t sure yet-, the person at the door had been Miss Forest. All three girls stared wide-eyed at each other before Miss Forest walked up to Lexa, grabbed her arm rather aggressively, and dragged her off._

_“Wait! It wasn’t her fault,” Clarke yelled, scrambling to grab her stuff and hurried to catch up with them, “I initiated it!”_

_“It takes two people to kiss,” Anya hissed back, and Clarke felt even worse now. She looked at the brunette teacher apologetically, only to find the woman staring right back at her… longingly? The sight threw Clarke for a loop, and she ran to try and save the teacher again._

_“I was excited and it just… happened! I’m sorry okay. Don’t be mad at her,” she said, instinctively grabbing Miss Forest’s arm. When she realized what she’d done, she immediately pulled her hand off of the teacher, especially after seeing the look in the older woman’s eyes._

_“You’re lucky it was me and not someone else. I’m not telling the school,” Clarke swears she felt the weight of the world lifted off her shoulders, and she saw that Lexa had a similar expression on her face, “I’m just gonna give this one a friendly talking to.” She pulled Lexa’s arm harder, and Clarke let them go this time. Clarke mouthed “I’m sorry” to Lexa who simply shook her head and shrugged._

**************

“It’s not that I don’t like you,” Clarke explained, “Actually, I’m quite fond of you, and I respect you.” Anya looked surprised, but she signaled for Clarke to explain further. “That day that you found Lexa and I… I was angry. I was so angry at myself, at the situation, but I was never mad at you or Lexa,” Clarke explained, “I was mad that I put everyone in a shitty situation, and I ended up losing one of my closest friends.”

Anya listened intently, and she felt her heart crack for her brunette friend when she heard the blonde refer to her friend as a friend. It was obvious that Clarke had never really viewed Lexa as a teacher, but neither of them though Clarke had considered her a friend. Anya had always thought Lexa was just an infatuation of Clarke’s, and that’s why she had snapped at the younger girl that day. She was angry because she knew something like that would send her friend spiraling, but she didn’t realize that it also sent Clarke spiraling. 

After she watched Clarke fall apart months later while starting her relationship with Raven, she realized how much Lexa truly meant to the blonde, and a small bit of the anger dissipated. Still, some remained as she realized the blonde let Lexa walk away. She never tried to reach out or reconnect. She just let them both suffer.

Again, some of that anger dissipated when she learned the depth of the dance the two had shared. Anya had witnessed it, and she had been fuming that the two girls allowed themselves the torture that would be a goodbye. Still, she understood the need to say goodbye. The need to truly put an end to it. To find that closure. However, when Lexa later told Anya what had happened while they were dancing, she truly understood the bond the two shared. They weren’t simply friends or girlfriends. The easiest way Anya could explain it would be soulmates. Even if they weren’t meant to end up together, they were meant to find each other.

Now, Anya really held no malice for the blonde because she had watched Clarke and Lexa fall apart. She saw the impact both girls had on each other. She knew then, when she heard Clarke had almost died, that Lexa had meant the world to Clarke. Lexa was more than infatuation. Lexa was a love. Even more so, Anya learned that Lexa was Clarke’s first true love. The first person Clarke trusted with her entire being.

That is also when Anya pieced together that Clarke had trusted Lexa to keep a promise. Lexa made one promise to the girl, and Clarke trusted that Lexa wouldn’t break it. Then, she learned the two share a dance where they literally tell each other they will never desert the other, and Lexa walks away at the end. 

Anya understood why her friend had to walk away, but she didn’t understand why her friend had said she wouldn’t desert Clarke, knowing she’d have to. Was it to secretly tell the girl she’d always be there? Was it simply a goodbye? Did she want to give Clarke peace of mind? All Anya knew was that that day, the day she learned of what happened at the dance after watching both girls fall apart, that was the first day Anya ever felt true, flaming hot, anger at her brunette friend. 

Anya was pulled from her reverie when she heard Clarke speak again, “So no, I never disliked you. I appreciated and respected you for what you did. I was a little angry at first, but the moment you told me you weren’t going to rat us out, I knew you were a good person. I know you did it for her and not me, but you did it. You’re a good person. How could I dislike you?” 

“I’m sorry I’ve been such an ass to you,” Anya chuckled, trying to hide the fact that she was near tears. No one had ever said that they respected her. It was an entirely new feeling for the older woman, and had she not been holding the love of her life in her arms, she might’ve given Clarke a rare hug. 

“You had every right to be,” Clarke assured her, and Anya was blown away. Of course, Lexa had said things like this before, but she had never really “assured” Anya or Luna that it was true. When Lexa said it, it was more her being serious but sorry for herself. When Clarke said it, Anya heard no self-pity, only sympathy and seriousness. “I did almost ruin your best friend’s career,” Clarke chuckled, and Anya had to as well. 

“Even so,” Anya began when she stopped laughing, “my best friend broke your heart, and, whether I like it or not, you’ve snuck your way into my cold, dead heart. Whether you like it or not, I consider you a friend.”

“I consider you a friend too,” Clarke confirmed, and both girl’s smiled subtly at each other. 

“Still, you broke my best friend’s heart as well, so you’re not entirely off the hook,” Anya said seriously, but Clarke knew it was also a joke. She knew Anya would defend her, almost as ferociously, as she would defend Lexa. 

“Aww, they made up,” Raven cooed from her spot cuddled into Anya, “I knew you had it in you, babes,” she said while poking Anya’s ribs and sticking her tongue out at Clarke. 

“Shut up,” both girls said at the same time, which made everyone chuckle quietly. 

“So… I want pizza and ice cream,” Octavia said as she stretched herself out.

“Together?” the other three exclaimed in disbelief. 

Octavia nodded with a mischievous smile, and the other girls groaned in disgust.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Thanksgiving to those who are celebrating today. If you're with family I hope you're all staying safe :)
> 
> Feedback y'all 
> 
> P.S. Keep an eye out for a new update because I'm probably going to spend all day updating since I don't have family over
> 
> Edit: Sorry I didn't update again today :( My sister showed up by surprise (we were safe and she's local). Don't get me wrong, I love my sister dearly, but DAMN I wanted to write all day LMAO


	6. I'm In

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke spends some more time with her family. Lexa has a talk with her dad. Linctavia XD. Nervous Anya. Simp Lincoln (the best Lincoln).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I realized I didn't really do a good job of making Bellamy a good guy like I said I would... IN MY DEFENSE, that's not a grudge against Bellamy, that's a grudge against men in general (sorry to men who might read this story, but I can't help what I feel). ANYWAY, he's kind of an asshole, but when will Clarke realize that O_O
> 
> P.S. "So Far Away" just came on while I was writing this and it's SO a Clexa theme song :) "Kiss me like the world is gonna disappear-" AHHHHHHHHHH. I hate it here -_-

“Hey, Linc,” Octavia whispered to her sleeping husband.

“Morning,” he muttered groggily.

“Morning, babe,” Octavia said while kissing his forehead, “Can you get me coffee and a donut?”

“O, baby, it’s,” he checked the time on their alarm clock, “6 in the morning.”

“I know,” she said sadly, “I’m sorry.”

“No, no no,” he whispered while scooting closer to Octavia, “Don’t be sorry. It’s okay.”

“Wait, no,” Octavia said while wiping at the tears in her eyes, “don’t say yes just because I’m crying. It’s the damn hormones. You can say no and go back to sleep.”

“Baby, if it means that much to you I’ll go out,” he said while getting up.

“Really?” she said, crying a little harder now.

“Yes,” he laughed a little while giving her a quick kiss. “Now,” he said while cupping her cheeks with one hand, “please stop crying.” he then kissed her nose which made her laugh.

“God, I’ve gotta be the luckiest girl in the world,” she smiled as she fell back into bed with a hand resting on her growing stomach. 

“You got it backwards,” Lincoln said while putting a pair of jeans on, “I’m the luckiest guy in the world.”

“Stop,” Octavia whined as she realized she was going to stop crying again.

“Okay, okay,” he apologized through a chuckle, “I’m sorry. I’ll be back with your coffee and donuts.” He then left the room and went to put his shoes on.

“Thanks, baby!” Octavia yelled out to him while cuddling back into her bed.

A few minutes later, Lincoln returned with Octavia’s favorite coffee and donut. He handed it to her while drinking his own coffee and donut in their bed. “We’re gonna get crumbs in the bed,” Octavia sighed sadly while making no move to leave the bed.

“We can change the sheets later,” he waved her off with a smile.

“Stop being so damn cute,” Octavia pouted.

“I can’t help it,” he smirked.

“Nevermind. You ruined it,” Octavia rolled her eyes jokingly while kissing Lincoln’s nose.

“What?” he pouted.

“Ugh,” Octavia complained while laying on her back instead of facing her fiance. 

“Hmm?” he hummed in confusion. 

“My back hurts,” she whined.

“Babe, you’re only 4 months along,” Lincoln said without thinking, and he immediately realized he had said the wrong words. 

“Are you implying that it’s not hard to carry a baby at only 4 months?” Octavia asked sternly.

“That’s not when I mea-” he tried to explain himself.

“But that’s what you said,” she frowned. 

“No, baby, I’m just saying that you’re not supposed to get back pain for a while,” Lincoln tried to explain.

“Actually, Clarke said it’s normal for women to experience back and leg pain around now,” Octavia argued.

“Wait, why does Clarke know all of this?” Lincoln asked.

“After her and her mom made up they started talking doctor together sometimes. Well, Abby would talk doctor to Clarke while Clarke listened. Then, when we got pregnant, she started asking Abby those kinds of questions,” Octavia complained like she was citing sources. 

“Okay then, I’m sorry baby. Would you like me to give you a massage?” he asked, trying to apologize the best he could. 

“Really?” she asked hopefully, and he nodded. “That would be great,” she smiled with teary eyes. “God dammit stop crying!” she yelled at herself while she started sniffling.

“It’s okay,” Lincoln assured her while he helped her get into a position that would allow him to give her a massage. 

“Oh, thank God I’m marrying you,” Octavia sighed as he began massaging knots out of her back, “now you can never leave.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it,” he laughed as he placed a kiss on her temple. 

A few moments later, Octavia heard her phone buzz, and she saw a picture of Clarke. “Ugh,” she whispered under her breath while answering, “yes?”

“MymomisgettingmarriedinafewmonthsandIneedadate,” Clarke spat out in one word.

“Clarke, please speak in more than one breath,” Octavia suggested calmly.

“My mom is getting married in a few months and I need a date,” Clarke said, a little more calm now.

“Your mom’s getting married?” Octavia asked in surprise.

“Yeah, apparently she’s been engaged to him since around the time I got engaged to your brother, and she just told me the date,” Clarke explained.

“Okay… Wait, how is this my problem?” Octavia asked. 

“Well… I was hoping you could ask a guy friend of yours to do me a favor?” Clarke asked sheepishly.

“Why not just ask one of us to go as your friend?” Octavia asked. 

“Well, all of you are invited except Lexa, Luna, and Anya. Well, Anya will be invited because of Raven,” Clarke explained.

“And you can’t invite Lexa and Luna because your mom knows they used to be our teachers,” Octavia concluded.

“Yes, and I can’t ask Bellamy because that would be weird and my mom already knows we’re not together,” Clarke explained. 

“Why not just tell her you’re bisexual?” Octavia asked.

“O, are you crazy?” Clarke asked seriously.

“No, hear me out. In that letter she wrote you, didn’t she say she’d love you no matter what?” Octavia asked.

“Well, yeah, but I was a baby. I don’t think she actually expected me to be anything less than the perfect straight girl,” Clarke explained, starting to sound a little panicked.

“Wait? Why are you even calling me. Aren’t you in the apartment?” Octavia asked.

“No, I’m at my mom’s, silly,” Clarke reminded her.

“Oh yeah. Sorry, baby brain,” Octavia chuckled, ”That explains a lot.”

“So, does Lincoln not have any hot guy friends or siblings?” Clarke asked, trying to get back to her original topic.”

“His only family aside from parents is Lexa, and his only guy friend is Bell,” Octavia informed her sadly, “I really think you should just tell your mom that you’re bi, and you can find a girl to take.”

“O, it’s not that easy,” Clarke sighed.

“You could always go without a date,” Octavia offered.

“I guess,” Clarke agreed, “but that’s boring.”

“Well, be boring or come out. That sounds like our options,” Octavia summarized.

“Fuck,” Clarke groaned with frustration, “Alright- okay. I’ll let you go. Sorry to bother you, O.”

“It’s all good, Clarkie,” Octavia smiled, not that Clarke could see.

“Bye, O,” Clarke’s smile could be heard through the phone. 

“Wait!” Octavia yelled into the phone as she got an idea. 

“What?” Clarke asked.

“You like Lexa right?” Octavia asked.

“Debatable,” Clarke huffed.

“That’s a yes. Anyway, why not just take her as a friend? Your mom seemed to like her while she was your teacher, and the only thing she knows is that you two were close. It wouldn’t be too far fetched that you’re still friends,” Octavia pointed out.

“It’s a good back up plan, I guess, but I feel like Lexa would be uncomfortable. Oh, and I can’t be sure Madi and Charlotte won’t say anything stupid,” Clarke said.

“I never say stupid stuff!” Octavia heard Charlotte’s muffled voice through the phone, and she laughed.

“Bye, O,” Clarke said through the phone as she hung up. 

Clarke looked around the room at her smirking 17 year old sister. “What do you want?” she asked.

“Mom said Marcus made breakfast,” Charlotte said while walking downstairs. Clarke got up and followed Charlotte into the kitchen. 

“Pancakes!” she heard Madi exclaim, and Clarke froze as she was brought back to a time she never wanted to think of again.

****************

_ “What are you cooking?” Bellamy asked her as he came down the stairs.  _

_ “Pancakes,” Clarke answered.  _

_ “Pancakes?” he asked with anger in his voice. _

_ “Yeah… I always make pancakes when I’m in a good mood,” Clarke explained hesitantly.  _

_ “You can’t eat pancakes,” he said angrily while knocking Clarke to the side and turning the stove off and throwing the food away. _

_ “Bellamy, what are you doing?” Clarke yelled.  _

_ “They’re not healthy. Do you know how much sugar is in those?” he yelled back, and Clarke dropped to the floor as she put her hands over her ears, trying to block out the noise. In hindsight, loud noises and Clarke’s mind were not friends.  _

_ This has been happening a lot recently. Clarke tries to make something, Bellamy says it’s not healthy, and it never ends pretty. It’s been happening for three months now, and it’s almost enough to make Clarke break. _

_ “Do you know?” he yelled again. _

_ “No,” she answered his question quietly. _

_ “You should’ve checked,” he said while throwing the box with directions on it at Clarke. Clarke flinched and managed to dodge it.  _

_ “I’m fine, Bell. It’s been three months, and I’m clean!” Clarke yelled back. _

_ “Just… eat healthy,” he said. His voice was calm to the untrained ear, but Clarke knew it was his last warning. Clarke decided to nod, and she ran back to her room, no longer hungry.  _

_ She sat down with her back against the door, and she dug her fingers into her hair while she pulled at it and allowed the tears to fall. She hated all of this. She hated that she couldn’t just eat what she wanted. She couldn’t be with who she wanted. She couldn’t do anything she wanted to. _

_ Still, she couldn’t leave. She couldn’t bring herself to leave. She still loved Bellamy, and she knew he was doing all of this because he worried for her. She knew he was going about it wrong, but she knew in the end, he was just worried. She also knew it wasn’t right, and that’s what left her torn.  _

_ She was completely and utterly trapped. _

*****************

“I… Umm, I think I’m going to get some more rest,” Clarke stuttered, “No offense Marcus. I’m just not feeling very hungry right now.”

“That’s alright. Go get some rest,” he smiled as Clarke walked off, and she smiled appreciatively at him. 

A few moments later, Clarke heard a knock at her door. “Come in,” she said. 

“Hey, honey,” her mom said as she walked into the room and sat on Clarke’s bed next to the blonde. 

“Hey, mom,” Clarke greeted her mother as she sniffled.

“Tell me, why’d you really turn down the pancakes?” her mother asked with that knowing look only mothers have.

“I told you, I wasn’t hungry,” Clarke told her.

“Baby, I’m your mother. I know that’s not it,” her mother laughed slightly while grabbing her hand.

“I- I don’t want to talk about it,” Clarke said while lying down.

“I saw that look in your eyes. It’s the same one you get when you’re scared. Why are you suddenly scared of pancakes?” her mother asked, and despite the fact that it was a silly question, her mom showed no signs of humor.

“Well-” she hesitated. She didn’t want to taint her mother’s view of Bellamy, “Remember when I… almost drank myself to death?”

“Can we not talk about that?” her mother shuddered.

“I know, I know, but you asked,” Clarke pointed out.

“Okay, yes I remember,” her mother said.

“After that, Bellamy got really overbearing. He wouldn’t let me eat anything unhealthy. We got in a fight about pancakes one day, and I haven’t eaten them since,” she explained. 

“Oh, baby,” he mother cooed while pulling her into a hug, and Clarke almost immediately felt better. “You know, you have really poor taste in men,” her mother laughed, and Clarke laughed as well.

“Yeah, I really do,” she chuckled. 

“Maybe you should try women,” her mother joked, and Clarke saw her opportunity. 

“I… well, I guess now’s as good of a time as ever to tell you,” Clarke said, and she saw the confusion written on her mother’s face, “I’m bisexual.”

“Oh,” her mother sighed, and Clarke swore turned a few shades paler, “Honey, I’ve known that for a while now.”

“What?” Clarke exclaimed, “You have?” 

“Yes,” her mother laughed, “It’s not like you hide it very well.” Clarke flushed, and her mother just pulled her into another, stronger hug. “I’m happy for you,” her mother said.

“Thanks mom,” Clarke smiled happily while a few tears slipped from her eyes. 

“Sweetheart, why are you crying?” her mother asked while pulling away and wiping at her tears.

“That was just a lot easier than I expected,” Clarke laughed.

“Did you think I wouldn’t accept you?” her mom asked, sounding almost disappointed.

“I didn’t think you were that type of person, but you really never know,” Clarke shrugged. 

“I will always accept you,” her mother said seriously, “No matter who you love.”

Clarke immediately thought of Lexa, and it scared her. She realized that if her mom was being serious. The woman wouldn’t care if Clarke dated her teacher. That was the first thing she thought of, and it confused her more than words could explain.

“Hey, mom?” Clarke asked.

“Yes?” her mother answered.

“Do you remember Miss Woods?” Clarke asked again.

“Yes, the teacher from your high school,” her mother confirmed.

“Mhm, well we kind of started talking again a little while ago,” Clarke said.

“Wait- talking like your generation’s definition of talking or mine?” she asked. 

“Talking like friends, mom,” Clarke chuckled. Still, saying that word in correlation to Lexa made her feel… strange. 

“Damn,” her mother muttered.

“Damn?” Clarke asked in completely disbelief, “You’re upset that I’m only talking to my teacher as a friend?”

“I thought you had a thing for her,” her mother shrugged, and Clarke literally gasped. 

“Maybe I didn’t, but I don’t anymore,” Clarke said, but it was very obvious that she was lying to herself. 

“Mhm,” her mom hummed sarcastically, “Anyway, you’re talking as friends?” 

“Yes, and I was wondering if I could invite her to the wedding instead of a date?” Clarke asked.

“Or you could invite her as a date like I know you want to,” her mother smirked.

“Mom!” Clarke exclaimed while shoving her mom, “Stop it.” she pointed an accusatory finger at her mom, and the older woman simply laughed.

“Yes, it’s fine if you invite her. Raven’s already bringing the other teacher from the high school anyway. Haven’t they been dating for a while now?” Abby asked

“2 years,” Clarke explained with a smile on her face, happy for her two friends.

“Good for them,” Abby smiled, “Okay, now let’s go back downstairs. What do you say?”

“Sounds good,” Clarke nodded.

“Will you eat the pancakes?” her mom asked.

“I’ll try,” she smiled, and Abby understood that that’s the best Clarke could promise her. 

The two walked back downstairs, and Madi immediately rushed to Clarke and hugged her quickly before offering Clarke a bite of pancake. “Here,” her younger sister offered, “it’s a little cold, but I saved you a bite. Charlotte tried to eat the rest.” Madi sent an evil look at her other sister and Clarke laughed. 

Clarke hesitantly took the fork, and all she could think was “take a bite. Just take a bite. Do it for Madi. Show her you’re still as strong as you used to be.” She slowly brought the fork to her mouth, and she made a chomping sound as she took a bite of the pancake. “Wow,” Clarke said in surprise, “that’s really good, Marcus.”

“Thank you, Clarke. I try,” he smiled politely.

“They’re still not as good as yours. No offense, Marcus,” Madi said with a smile.

“None taken,” Marcus assured her, and the two laughed. 

After that, the group worked together to clean up, and they eventually ended up in the living room. The group chatted there for a while before Clarke heard her phone buzzing. She noticed it was Raven’s ringtone, so she said, “Sorry,” while walking out of the room to answer the phone. 

“Clarkie!” Raven exclaimed into the phone.

“Hi, Rae,” Clarke said while rubbing her temples because her friend had literally screamed in her ear. 

“Anyway, Anya wanted to make sure she’s allowed to come to the wedding thing. She knows I said Abby’s okay with it, but she wants to hear it from Abby,” Raven explained.

“Yeah, sure. No problem,” Clarke laughed while walking into the living room. “It's for you,” she told her mom. Her mom took the phone and began talking in the living room rather than leaving.

“Yes, Anya. You’re more than welcome to come,” her mother said into the phone. “Yes, even though you used to be her teacher,” her mother continued, trying not to laugh at how thorough the teacher was. “Look, I know you’re a good woman, okay. That’s all I need to know to say if you can come or not. Your career, sexuality, sex, gender, or whatever else doesn’t matter. As long as you’re a decent human being who really cares for Raven,” Abby finally blurted into the phone. “Good. Goodbye, Anya,” her mother said while hanging up and handing Clarke the phone. 

“God, that woman is too good for her own good,” Abby laughed. 

Clarke, however, was still stuck in her own world. Her mother not only wanted Clarke to be with Lexa, but she didn’t care that Lexa used to be her teacher. She didn’t care that Anya was Raven’s teacher. She only cared that they were really in love and cared for each other. 

“I’m going to my room for a bit,” Clarke notified the family, and everyone nodded. She walked to her room and sat on her bed as she pulled out her phone. She glanced on it and began typing to Lexa. The two had exchanged numbers recently to help rebuild their friendship, especially now that they were in the same friend group. 

**Clarke:** _ Hey, how’s it going? _

**Lexa:** _ Fine. How’s your mom’s? _

**Clarke:** _ Good. Actually I wanted to ask you something. My mom’s getting remarried soon, and I was wondering…. Well… would you want to come with as my friend? _

**Lexa:** _ Your mom knows I used to be your teacher, Clarke. She’d never agree _

**Clarke:** _ My mother literally adores you _

**Clarke:** _ And sorry I’m texting you this question and not calling or asking in person. I don’t think I’d have the guts to ask if it was face to face out over the phone LMAO _

**Lexa:** _ It’s okay. I’ll think about it. It just feels… strange. _

**Clarke:** _ I get it.  _

**Lexa:** _ Okay. Talk to you soon _

Lexa immediately switched to her contacts and opened her father’s number. She called him, and he almost immediately answered. “Hey, Dad,” Lexa smiled, immediately feeling calmer. 

“Hey, Pumpkin. What’s up?” he greeted.

“Well, you know that girl I’ve been telling you about for years now?” Lexa asked.

“Yes?” he answered, confused.

“Well, she just invited me to her mother’s wedding, as a friend, and I don’t know what to do,” Lexa said honestly.

“Well, if she thinks of you as a friend after all that’s happened, I’d say not to miss the opportunity,” her father said.

“Yeah, but her mom knows I used to be the girl’s teacher,” Lexa explained.

“True, but you ‘used’ to be her teacher and you ‘are’ her teacher are two very different things,” her father pointed out.

“She did say that her mother adores me,” Lexa told him hesitantly.

“See, she doesn't care! Go for it, kiddo,” her father encouraged her. 

“It’s just… I really hurt her, Dad. I don’t want to do that again,” Lexa said.

“Then accept the damn invitation and show the girl you care!” her father replied as if it was common sense. 

“Yeah, but I don’t want either of us to get our hopes up,” Lexa argued.

“Look, if she’s inviting you to her mom’s wedding, that means she’s gotta trust you to some degree. She trusts you enough to be around her family and see you interact with people. Don’t waste an opportunity to show her how amazing you are,” her father said.

“Yeah. Yeah, you’re right, Dad,” Lexa agreed. 

“I always am,” he chuckled.

“Bye, Dad,” Lexa said while rolling her eyes and hanging up. 

She immediately went back to her messages with Clarke and sent her response. “I’m in.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like this chapter is shit, but it's whatever. There are gonna be some really bad chapters you have to make to make the good ones, I guess. Anyway, hope you enjoy!
> 
> Feedback :)


	7. Love Me Like You Love Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke tries to adapt to Octavia's thirty different personalities. Lexa initiates a beach day. CLEXA CHAT! (Only took them almost three years) If you don't like the ending, idk wtf you expect from me anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about all the time jumps yall O_O I'm just not creative enough to write chapters that go by a day or a week. Not to mention, I've already made you guys wait so long. I'm trying to get Clexa together soon without seeming like I rushed it. So, time jumps. Also, I really want this story to be more fluff/possible smut than a story of them getting together. I think I've tortured you guys enough. Let's just give everyone their happily every after. 
> 
> Also, not sure what it is about this chapter title, but it just makes sense to me in an oddly poetic way. Maybe it's just me. Idk. Anyway, hope you enjoy :)

About 5 weeks later, Clarke and Lexa were closer than ever, Octavia was bitchier than ever, and Raven and Anya showed more PDA than ever. Clarke was anxious about her kind-of-not-really date with Lexa, Anya was terrified of meeting the closest person to a mom Raven had, and Octavia wouldn’t stop complaining about how much work it is to carry a baby. 

“I swear to God Clarke, if you’re not here with the cooki-” she cut herself off when she saw her friend holding a plate of chocolate chip cookies, “God I love you.” she kissed Clarke’s cheek which stunned the blonde for a moment. 

“I think this is the most normal thing you’ve had me buy during this pregnancy,” Clarke laughed.

“Wanna say that again to my face, bitch?” Octavia said seriously, and the fear that flashed across Clarke’s face was more obvious than the sun, “That’s what I fucking thought.” Octavia took a bite out of her cookie and immediately turned into a pile of mush. 

“Remind me not to talk to you before you eat,” Clarke nodded while walking to the kitchen.

“Oh! Are you making me breakfast?” Octavia asked from the couch.

“I thought the cookies were your breakfast?” Clarke complained.

“I’m eating for two. I get two breakfasts,” Octavia explained simply while waving her hand around lazily.

“I don’t think that’s how it works, O,” Clarke said while getting the ingredients out to make herself some simple avocado toast. 

“It is now. Make me a sandwich, hoe,” Octavia said, and it was obvious that Octavia was kidding this time. 

“What do you really want?” Clarke asked.

“Scrambled eggs,” Octavia said with a sheepish look. 

“Yeah, okay. I guess I can do that for you,” Clarke sighed while getting the stuff out for scrambled eggs.

“Ah,” Octavia sighed happily from the living room, “It’s like having two husbands.”

“Something like that,” Clarke laughed as she began cracking eggs. 

At that moment, Clarke heard her phone beep, and she opened it to see a message from Lexa.

**Lexa:** _ Do you and the girls want to do another beach day _

“Octavia! Do you want to go to the beach today with Lexa and the other girls?” Clarke called into the other room.

“Oooo, the beach sounds nice! It’s like a million degrees outside,” Octavia said while panting dramatically. Clarke laughed and answered Lexa. 

**Clarke:** _ Octavia and I are in. Want me to ask Raven and Anya? _

**Lexa:** _ I got it. You are with godzilla after all LOL. I’ll text you the location and time _

**Clarke:** _ sounds good ahahah _

Clarke slid her phone back into the butt pocket of her jeans. After a few more minutes of cooking, Clarke brought Octavia her food and said, “Here ya go, but don’t expect me to wipe your ass and help you change.”

“Well actua-” Octavia joked. 

“Quit while you’re head, O,” Clarke joked, and Octavia laughed with her. 

Clarke then went to the kitchen to grab her avocado toast. On the way, she felt a buzz in her back pocket, so she pulled her phone out to check her messages. Lexa had sent her the beach and parking lot they were meeting at, and Clarke sent back a quick thumbs up to let her know she was in. 

“O, we need to leave in 20 minutes!” Clarke yelled as she quickly ate her toast. 

“Oh shit,” Octavia said with a mouthful of food.

Clarke snorted as she finished her toast and placed the plate in her dishwasher. She then ran to her room and switched to a black bikini that she placed under a t-shirt and shorts. She then ran downstairs and sent Lexa a quick text.

**Clarke:** _ Need me to bring drinks/snacks? _

**Lexa:** _ I got it but thanks. See you there _

Clarke placed her phone in the pocket of her shorts and began lathering on some sunscreen and packing some incase she felt the need to reapply. She also threw in a book that she may or may not read as well as her sketchbook. “O, should I bring you anything?” Clarke yelled up the stairs to her still changing friend.

“Uh, just my portable charger!” Octavia yelled back. Clarke scrambled around the house to find it and put it in her bag.

“Ready?” Clarke called up to her friend. 

“Just about,” Octavia said as she walked out, holding her bikini top against her front, “I need you to tie this. 

Clarke sighed and walked behind her friend to tie the strings, “There. Done.”

“Good. Let’s go!” Octavia said while pumping a fist into the air. 

“Fuck. I have to drive don’t I?” Clarke asked, a certain panic kicking in.

“Just ask Lexa if she can pick us up. She’s on her way there anyway,” Octavia said. Clarke groaned because she didn’t want to bother the older woman, but she messaged her anyway.

**Clarke:** _ Hey, do you mine picking Octavia and I up instead _

**Lexa:** _ Sure why _

**Clarke:** _ I don’t want to drive _

There was no response after that, but Clarke knew that was either because the woman was driving or because she understood what Clarke meant by not wanting to drive. 

Soon enough, there was a knock on the door, and the two girls walked out of the house and into Lexa’s car. Clarke rode in the front because Octavia said she needed the extra room in the back. 

“Are Raven and Anya coming?” Clarke asked Lexa once she started driving. Clarke, still, had to keep a hand on the handle of the car, and it was obvious that Lexa noticed. 

“Yep, they said they’d meet us there,” Lexa answered. 

“Good,” Clarke said rather stiffly.

“You know, you can relax right,” Lexa said softly, and her voice alone was enough to calm Clarke’s tense muscles. Still, she kept a death grip on the handle. 

“Good try, Lexa,” Octavia congratulated her from the backseat, “but bad habits die hard.” Lexa simply shrugged and focused more intently on the road. 

They soon reached the beach, and Clarke helped Octavia out of the car while grabbing her stuff. “Need me to carry anything?” Clarke asked Lexa.

“I got it,” she smiled, and Clarke recognized it as the one that made her realize she liked Lexa. It was so genuine and playful. How could you not instantly want to be with her after it? Suddenly, Octavia elbowed her and started making kissing noises. Clarke smacked her arm, and Octavia simply shrugged and began making noises again.

“Shut up,” Clarke whispered under her breath.

“Fine,” Octavia huffed as they rushed as best as they could to catch up with Lexa. 

“Over here!” she saw Raven wave them over. 

The trio caught up with Raven and Anya, and they all laid out towels to tan on. “Everyone got their sunblock?” Lexa asked. 

“Yes, Mom,” Anya huffed, and the rest of the girls laughed. Lexa simply rolled her eyes and took her shirt and shorts off. 

Clarke, being more comfortable around Lexa now, said, “Damn.”

“What?” Lexa asked, confused. Clarke simply shrugged and smirked. “Don’t do that,” Lexa complained.

“Don’t do what?” Clarke faked innocence. 

“You will regret that,” Lexa said seriously.

“Will I?” Clarke asked while taking her shirt and shorts off as well. 

“Damn,” Lexa nodded her agreement, and Clarke couldn’t help but laugh. 

“Stop strip teasing each other and get in the water!” Anya yelled.

“That woman has no shame,” Clarke rolled her eyes, and Lexa laughed before running off to join Anya.

This had become a daily occurrence between Lexa and Clarke. The two subtly flirted with each other all the time. It was their way of testing the waters and seeing how far they could get with the other. 

“Well, if you wanted to fuck her, you could’ve just done it at home. I need to bleach my eyes,” Raven complained dramatically. 

“Shut the fuck up,” Clarke rolled her eyes while laughing. 

“C’mon, everyone knows you still like her, why not just do it? It’s obvious she feels the same,” Raven asked.

Clarke’s eyes found Lexa and Anya splashing water at each other and chasing each other through the water. She smiled subtly and said, “I don’t know if I can trust her.”

“Clarke, it’s been two years. I’m sure she’s changed,” Octavia added.

“I don’t know,” Clarke sighed while rubbing her hands over her face, “You know how I am.”

“You really need to learn to be more bold,” Raven complained.

“Hey! I did make the first move,” Clarke pointed out.

“Only because you were excited, and you explicitly said that you regretted it,” Raven pointed out.

“And we still kissed again,” Clarke laughed. 

“Yeah, you did,” Octavia agreed, “You literally can’t resist each other.”

“Fine, I’ll do something about it,” Clarke said. 

“There ya go, bitch!” Raven exclaimed encouragingly. 

“Do I ask her to talk?” Clarke asked.

“Duh!”

“Just kiss her!”

Clarke looked at her two friends who had blurted out completely opposite answers at the same time. “We’ll talk,” Clarke nodded while walking off and sitting on the edge of the water, hoping Lexa would notice her. Despite her ability to swim well, she preferred to stay in the shallow ends when possible. 

Sure enough, Lexa approached her after a while, and she sat down in the sand next to Clarke. “Hey,” she said while bumping Clarke’s shoulder, trying to cheer her up.

“I realized something,” Clarke said, getting straight to the point.

“Do tell,” Lexa said while getting into a better position for listening intently.

“I still don’t entirely trust you,” Clarke said honestly while inhaling a deep breath, preparing herself for her next words.

“Wow, how kind of you,” Lexa joked, but there was an undertone of hurt in her voice.

“There’s more,” she gave Lexa a pointed look, and the older woman immediately shut up. “I don’t trust you, but I do still really really like you. I know it’s a lot to process and all but I-” Clarke rambled on until she felt the girl’s lips on hers. She smiled subtly as she placed a gentle hand on the older woman’s jaw, like she always had. She felt Lexa smile back, and she knew the woman was experiencing the same feeling as she was. Nostalgia. 

Clarke leaned further into the kiss, deepinging it slightly while giving the other woman the opportunity to stop it, but Lexa merely changed her angle to deepen the kiss even further. Both girl’s smiled again, causing their teeth to clash which eventually made them pull away. 

Clarke fell back into the ocean, allowing the waves to wash over her. When she finally came back up she said, “Damn, that was nerve wracking.”

“How could you possibly think I’d say no?” Lexa asked through laughter.

“I knew it bitches! Hand over that $20 Raven!” Anya yelled as she tackled her friend into the softly crashing waves.

“You bet on that?” Clarke and Lexa exclaimed at the same time. 

“No,” Anya lied sheepishly while Raven handed her a $20 bill.

“You did!” Clarke exclaimed. 

“Aha! Linc owes me $50, bitches!”

“Wow, he has that little faith in my abilities?” Clarke pouted.

“No, he has that little faith in Lexa,” Octavia corrected which made Lexa pout while the rest of them laughed.

“Even you’re laughing at me,” Lexa frowned sadly when she saw Clarke laughing the hardest. When Clarke only continued laughing, Lexa flew at the girl and tackled her to the ground. Lexa rolled off the girl immediately, remember the last time they were in that kind of compromising situation. “I really really like you too,” Lexa whispered in Clarke’s ear as she tried to get air after tackling the younger girl, “Still.”

“Can I kiss you again?” Clarke whispered as she rolled over to face Lexa.

Instead of answering, Lexa leaned in to kiss Clarke. Lexa’s hands immediately went to Clarke’s cheeks while one of Clarke’s went to Lexa and the other kept her up right.

“As romantic as this is,” Anya said a few seconds later, “This is disgusting.”

“As if you and Raven haven’t been doing this same shit for years,” Clarke said and Lexa flipped her off from over Clarke’s shoulder. “We should talk though,” Clarke said while stopping the kiss. 

“When did Clarke become the mature one?” Raven laughed.

“Go away,” Clarke groaned, and surprisingly, they all walked back to where they were set up for the day, giving the two some space. 

“So,” Lexa prompted.

“That was…” Clarke trailed off. 

“Nice,” Lexa concluded.

“Nice? Really? You sure know how to keep a girl, Lexa,” Clarke laughed. 

“Did you want me to gush?” Lexa snorted.

“It wouldn’t hurt,” Clarke laughed. 

“Hmm, talk first,” Lexa said after a bit.

“Ew, maturity,” Clarke rolled her eyes. 

“What exactly are we doing here? What are the boundaries?” Lexa began asking.

“Woah,” Clarke said while holding her head, “too many questions.”

“That was only two,” Lexa laughed.

“Too many,” Clarke nodded as if Lexa just proved her point.

“Okay, what exactly are we doing here, then?” Lexa asked.

“Hmm, well it’s not necessarily dating which means we definitely can’t be girlfriends, we’re not friends with benefits because we’ve been over the fact that there’s feelings, and friends who kiss sounds boring,” Clarke said.

“How about, until your mom’s wedding, we stick with ‘friends who kiss’ and then after that, you let me take you out on a real date?” Lexa smirked.

“Why are you taking me on a date and not the other way around?” Clarke groaned.

“Because I'm the oldest,” Lexa smirked. 

“Oh yeah, I forgot you’re like sixty,” Clarke joked.

“Whatever,” Lexa rolled her eyes and shoved Clarke lightly, causing the girl to fall from her side to her back. 

“Okay, so what are boundaries?” Clarke asked.

“You make them,” Lexa shrugged, “I’m good with whatever, and if I’m not I’ll tell you when it comes to mind.”

“Hmmm, can we collectively agree to keep this from Bellamy?” Clarke’s eyes widened in fear.

“Uh, yeah. I don’t want his Army ass hunting me down to the end of time,” Lexa laughed.

“Okay. We can kiss whenever?” Clarke asked with a smirk.

“Works for me,” Lexa shrugged, and to prove a point, Clarke leaned in and kissed Lexa quickly.

“Thank God I’m not your student anymore,” Clarke laughed while falling onto her back again. 

“Ew, don’t remind me,” Lexa scrunched up her nose in disdain.

“Sorry, I know it’s a rough subject,” Clarke apologized.

“I’m over it,” Lexa said seriously, and Clare knew she was telling the truth. 

“Okay, I’d hope this is a given, but nothing beyond kissing… maybe making out,” Clarke added the last bit with a smirk.

“Common sense,” Lexa nodded. 

“Works for me,” Clarke said, “Though, I should warn you. I'm known for being needy.”

“Why am I not surprised,” Lexa laughed.

“Meanie,” Clarke huffed. 

“Sorry,” Lexa said while leaning over for another kiss which Clarke gladly accepted.

“Forgiven,” Clarke muttered against the woman’s lips which made her smirk. “Don’t get cocky,” Clarke pulled back and playfully pushed Lexa over. 

“Get in the water with me?” Lexa asked after a while.

“Why?” Clarke asked.

“I’m a water baby. Humor me,” Lexa laughed as she ran into the water. Clarke laughed and ran in after Lexa. She swam to where Lexa was, and when she reached her Lexa said, “You’ve improved since the first time.”

“Shut up,” Clarke laughed while splashing Lexa.

“I don’t even get a thank you for saving you?” Lexa asked with a smirk.

“I’m leaving,” Clarke rolled her eyes playfully and turned away. 

“Wait, no!” Lexa whined while grabbing Clarke by the waist and pulling her back, “Sorry.”

Clarke, again, gave her a quick kiss to the lips and said, “forgiven.”

“I have a feeling you’re just using that as an excuse to kiss me now,” Lexa deadpanned.

“Is that a bad thing?” Clarke asked innocently.

“No,” Lexa shook her head with a smile while she leaned in to kiss Clarke as well. The two kissed passionately. There was no hesitation anymore, and Clarke loved that they could just kiss whenever they wanted. 

“Okay,” Clarke broke the kiss, “Let’s get back to show because my legs hurt.”

“Struggling to tread water?” Lexa teased. 

“Leave me alone,” Clarke rolled her eyes while swimming back to the shore.

Lexa followed her, and Clarke went back to her towel to dry off, warm up, and hydrate. She found a bottle of gatorade and took a few sips before putting it in the shade and laying down.

“Well, that was quite the show,” Octavia quipped.

“Shut up,” Lexa and Clarke mumbled, and they all laughed.

A while later, Clarke started shivering, and Lexa tossed a towel at her. “Wow, that was so sweet, Lexa,” Clarke said sarcastically while wrapping the towel around her and drying herself off. She continued to try and warm up, but she kept shivering. 

“What did you want me to do?” Lexa asked, laughing.

“I don’t know, maybe walk it over and hand it to me,” Clarke deadpanned. 

“Go warm up the girl, Lexi,” Anya encouraged her friend who blushed.

“Yeah, Lexi,” Clarke teased. 

“Shut up, Clarkie,” Lexa said while walking over to Clarke and wrapping her arms around the girl. Clarke sighed happily, and Lexa rested her chin on the blonde girl’s head.

“Okay, I’m warm now,” Clarke said after a while.

“But I just got comfortable,” Lexa complained.

“No one said you had to move,” Clarke rolled her eyes sarcastically, and Lexa laughed while kissing her head.

For the first time in her life, someone outside of her family had shown Clarke love. That was the only way she could describe it. Whether that’s how Lexa felt about Clarke or not, it’s how Clarke felt. Clarke felt so incredibly loved. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CLEXA! Okay, I have a feeling I explained them "getting together" very poorly, but I don't really understand how else to describe it. Anyway, don't hesitate to ask questions if you have them!
> 
> I know this is really short, but I feel like you guys are tired of me writing Clexa beach scenes. The beaches just get me in the romantic mood okay! Plus, it's summer in the story right now, let me enjoy it dammit! LMAO
> 
> Feedback :)


	8. Lovergirl

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Lexa further their relationship.... That's really it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry this is getting posted at like 12am EST AND it's short (This is really just a filler chapter). My computer was broken most of the day cuz my idiot self punched it -I get angry very easily....- ANYWAY I've had this chapter planned out since this morning, so I had to write it out tonight before I forgot it. I was looking back through the chapters, and I saw the girlies birthdays earlier. Anyway, I noticed that I unintentionally made them compatible LMAO (Pisces and Scorpio)
> 
> Also, Clarke is going to be "singing" in this and let's just use our imagination and pretend she wrote the songs because while I might be okay with words, I'm no lyricist. I'll leave a link to the songs on youtube in the end notes.

A few days later, Clarke was practicing for a gig later that night when Lexa called. “Hello?” Clarke answered the phone politely.

“Hi,” Lexa practically purred.

“What’s got you in a good mood?” Clarke asked with a chuckle. 

“Nothing in particular,” she said normally. 

“What’s up?” Clarke asked. 

“I’m just bored. Luna’s out with woman number 9,000,” Lexa explained, and Clarke could practically hear the eye roll the woman did. 

“I’d say you could come over, but I’m practicing for my gig tonight. I don’t want to spoil it,” Clarke explained with a smirk, knowing Lexa really wanted to know what she would be singing later that night. The older woman had been asking since she found out about it at the beach. 

“Clarke,” Lexa whined.

“Lexa,” Clarke whined back, mocking the older woman.

“Fine,” Lexa huffed, “see you in a few hours.”

“Cya then, Lexa,” Clarke laughed as the phone hung up.

“Who was that?” Octavia asked as she came out of her room.

“Lexa,” Clarke answered.

“Is she coming over?” Octavia asked.

“Nope, I’m practicing,” Clarke said while lifting her guitar, so it was in her friend’s view. It was the guitar she always used for practice. She stored the guitar she usually played, her dad’s old one, at the place she worked at when she wasn’t in school. 

“Ah, still trying to hide the songs from her?” Octavia asked.

“Of course, it would ruin the surprise,” Clarke said matter-of-factly.

“It wouldn’t take a rocket scientist for anyone we know to know it’s her,” Octavia pointed out.

“Exactly, that’s why she can’t hear them until I actually perform them,” Clarke started raising her voice slightly to prove her point. 

“Good god you’re hopeless,” Octavia sighed while sitting down beside her friend, “give me what you got.”

Clarke began playing through the songs. Octavia was surprised that Clarke didn’t make a single mistake throughout the entirety of the list which was four songs. “Well, damn. If you play like that at the gig then you’ll do fine,” Octavia told her once she finished.

“Good because my fingers hurt like hell, and I want to stop,” Clarke chuckled.

Octavia laughed as well and said, “Go tell Lexa to come over then or something.”

“I’ll see if I can go there since she’s home alone,” Clarke said simply.

“Oh,” Octavia’s eyes widened, “I didn’t think you were there yet but if you are that’s okay. I mean, I don’t judge you and your choices. Look at Anya and Raven-”

“Octavia. We’re not there,” Clarke assured her friend while laughing, “I just don’t want to bother you in your own house.”

“Oh, okay then,” Octavia smiled and laughed awkwardly, “I’m gonna go get a nap.”

“Okay, O,” Clarke laughed while getting her phone back out and redailing Lexa’s number. 

“Hi,” Lexa picked up the phone.

“Hey,” Clarke purred this time. 

“What’s got you in a good mood?” Lexa asked, returning the question Clarke asked earlier. 

“Well, I finished practicing, and now I’m bored,” Clarke sighed.

“Well, you’re in luck because I, too, am bored,” Lexa said, and Clarke could hear the smirk in her voice.

“Can you pick me up?” Clarke asked curiously.

“You’re paying my gas money,” Lexa replied, and Clarke could hear the sound of keys jangling.

“Fine,” Clarke sighed, “I told Octavia we’d go to yours, so she can nap. Is that alright?” Clarke double checked.

“Works for me,” Lexa said, “though, you should know that Luna doesn’t know of the newest development in our friendship.”

Ignoring the unsettling feeling the word “friendship” left in her stomach, Clarke said, “isn’t she out with her 9,000th girl right now, anyway?” Clarke asked, and she heard Lexa start up her car. 

“Yeah, I just wanted you to know in case that changed anything,” Lexa explained, and Clarke made a hum of understanding. “Alright, I’m hanging up, so I can drive to get you,” Lexa added.

“Okay. See you soon,” Clarke smiled and ended the call. 

A few moments later, Lexa arrived. “Hmm,” Clarke hummed when she got to the doorway. 

“What?” Lexa asked, confused.

“Can I just bring my outfit for the gig to your apartment and change there, so we don’t have to worry about driving me back in time?” Clarke asked curiously.

“Sure,” Lexa answered with a shrug. 

“Thanks,” she kissed Lexa’s cheek and ran to her room to grab her outfit. It was a simple romper that Clarke deemed both casual and formal enough for the event. 

When she made it back to the door, the two girls walked to Lexa’s car and got in. Clarke buckled herself in, checked the buckle a couple times, and grabbed the handle of the car. Lexa, noticing that she was still tense, offered her hand on the console, and Clarke didn’t waste any time in taking it. Still, she held onto the handle on the roof, and Lexa drove as slow as she could manage legally. 

Once they reached Lexa’s apartment, Clarke and Lexa got out of the car, and entered. The both immediately sat on the couch and leaned into each other. They were quiet for a while, just enjoying each other’s presence until Lexa finally spoke, “Want to watch a movie?”

“How’d you know?” Clarke smiled. 

“Now, if I do recall, I believe you mentioned Mulan being your favorite movies unless it’s changed since then,” Lexa smirked.

Clarke smiled back, “It still is. I believe yours was the cliche ‘The Notebook’.”

“Damn, I thought you would’ve forgotten,” Lexa said while grabbing a disk from a shelf.

“You still keep disks?” Clarke asked through her laughter.

“Yes,” Lexa pouted.

“It’s cute,” Clarke laughed while running a finger over the shelf, booking for movies she recognized. Lexa merely rolled her eyes and started the movie.

“Chinese?”

“Chinese?”

Both girls asked at the same time. They stared at each other for a moment before laughing hysterically. Lexa grabbed her phone and ordered Chinese food. “What do you want?” Lexa asked while covering the microphone with her hand.

“Hmm, beef lo mein and egg rolls,” Clarke answered, and Lexa nodded.

Once she ordered and hung up, she sat down next to Clarke and said, “They’ll drop it off in about 20 minutes.”

Clarke nodded and said, “I’ll pay you back later. I left my wallet at home.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Lexa shrugged it off.

“I’m already giving you gas money,” Clarke laughed. 

“Clarke,” Lexa said seriously, “I was kidding about that.”

“Really though, I should pay gas money. I make everyone drive me everywhere, even if it inconveniences them or myself,” Clarke explained. 

“If they’re really your friends, they don’t mind. Everyone knows you have a reason,” Lexa told her while grabbing her shoulders. 

“Still, I feel like I’m mooching off of everyone,” Clarke said sadly.

“No one feels like you’re doing that except you,” Lexa chuckled lightly, “Octavia said you pay for groceries and some of the baby stuff which is more than she asked for, and no one minds driving you around. At least, I don’t.”

“Okay,” Clarke sighed while leaning into Lexa’s side. Lexa promptly wrapped her arms around Clarke, and the younger girl smiled. 

“Want me to start the movie, or do you want to wait until the food’s here?” Lexa asked. 

“Hmm, I have a better idea of what to do while we wait,” Clarke said while leaning up to kiss Lexa. 

The two kissed passionately for so long that they were surprised to hear the doorbell ring a few seconds later. Really, it had been 20 minutes, but to the two of them, it only felt like a few seconds. 

“Bon appetit,” Lexa said in impeccable french.

“Hey! When’d you learn to do that?” Clarke frowned.

“Learn to do what?” Lexa asked.

“French,” she furrowed her brows.

“I learned in high school because I thought I’d need it,” Lexa explained, “and then I didn’t.”

“Is that a good thing?” Clarke asked while receiving her meal from Lexa who passed it to her.

“Yes. It is,” Lexa nodded while sitting down with her own food.

“Good,” Clarke nodded, not wanting to push the subject. She knew high school had to be around the time the teacher started drinking badly, and Clarke had to wonder if the two were connected. She wasn’t sure she wanted to know, not right now. 

Lexa nodded and put the movie on. Clarke scooted closer to the brunette while she ate, and Lexa had smiled at the simple gesture. When Lexa finished, she wrapped Clarke in her arms, and the two cuddled the whole time they watched the movie.

“Ew,” Clarke said when the credits started rolling and she checked her watch, “I need to get ready.”

Lexa nodded with a pout and said, “There’s a bathroom down that hallway,” she pointed to a hallway to their right, “2 second door on the left.” Clarke nodded and collected her outfit before walking to the bathroom and changing. 

When she exited, she saw Lexa smile at her, “You look good.”

“I was going for great, but good works too,” Clarke rolled her eyes playfully. 

The two walked back to Lexa’s car. While inside, Clarke managed to text all her friends to make sure they didn’t miss it. Some of them -RAVEN AND ANYA- tended to run late and miss most of the performance. When she finished texting, she grabbed Lexa’s free hand with her own while Clarke’s other hand held onto the handle on the roof, as always. 

They soon arrived at the venue Clarke always worked at, and she smiled at the familiar building. She reached for Lexa’s hand, and the woman tentatively took it. Together, they walked to the backroom where Clarke’s guitar was stored. 

“Am I allowed to be back here?” Lexa asked hesitantly as Clarke pulled her in. 

“Not sure, but I guess we’ll find out,” Clarke laughed, but Lexa just looked unsettled. “You can go wait with everyone else,” Clarke assured her after noticing how tense the older woman was, “I just wanted to show you something.”

Lexa immediately relaxed and kneeled down to see what Clarke wanted to show her. Clarke then pulled her guitar out of it’s locker, and she took it out of the case. She pulled it into her lap and ran her finger over the words she had engraved next to her father’s initials. 

“Do what scares you,” Lexa read aloud, “it’s a good motto to live by.”

“It’s why I was able to get in a car again. It’s why I kissed you. It’s why I’m where I am today. It’s why I’m alive,” Clarke summarized, and Lexa looked both surprised and content.

“The initials?” Lexa asked curiously. She had never heard Clarke’s father’s name, so she couldn’t have known what the initials meant.

“My dad’s,” Clarke said sadly.

“Oh,” Lexa said sadly.

“It’s okay,” Clarke assured her, “I’m not as upset about it as I used to be.”

Good,” Lexa rubbed Clarke’s shoulder soothingly, “I’m gonna go join the group.”

“Okay,” Clarke smiled, and Lexa gave her a quick kiss before waving a subtle goodbye and leaving. Clarke smiled even brighter and she ran her finger over the words inscribed on the guitar. 

“Clarke, you’re up,” one of the workers informed her, and Clarke nodded. The place itself was high ranked, and the only reason she had a place was because Bellamy and Lincoln knew the guy. She wasn’t sure how, but she assumed he had been related to an Army friend. The place was a large pub, and Clarke loved the acoustics and all around feelings of the place. 

She and pubs had a rough history, but this one only had good memories. It was her first step to getting back on her feet. This was also the only place she allowed herself to drink aside from home because the place just felt safe and familiar. 

Clarke stepped out onto the stage and sat down on a small stool that had been placed there for her. She angled the microphone to her mouth and began playing her first song.

“ _ Kiss me like the world is gonna disappear. I’m a better person when I have you here. Oh, I, I, I got you, and I, I can get through anything as long as I can see your face. Right now you’re so far away, so far away. _ ”

She played through the rest of the song, and smiled when people clapped for her at the end. Someone from the backroom handed her a water bottle which she quickly drank a sip of before placing it at her feet and beginning again with her next song. 

“ _ Here I am again, the same old situation. Why does the guy thing have to be so complicated? I should’ve played it cool instead of made a fool, oh, the things I do. Cause I’m young, and I’m dumb. I do stupid things when it comes to love, and even if I always end up crying, well, you can’t blame a girl for trying,”  _ She sang on for a while until she reached the part she felt applied to now, “ _ Cause I’m young, and I’m dumb. I do stupid things when it comes to love, and even if I always end up crying, well, love will find me there ain’t no denying, that you can’t blame a girl for trying.” _

Again, when she finished, everyone, mostly her friends, clapped happily. She took a sip of water before starting again. Her next few songs were the ones specifically directed at Lexa while her other two were more about the transition from Lexa to Bellamy back to Lexa. 

“ _ Like an astronaut that’s scared of heights with a heart that’s beating at the speed of light. You’ve been waiting for this feeling all your life sometimes it’s just hard to realize. When you’re stuck in a moment, and your spark has been stolen. This is our time to own it, so own it. Baby we were born with fire and gold in our eyes, eyes. With fire and gold in our eyes, eyes. Got lightning in a bottle, hands on the throttle, even in the dust we shine with fire and gold in our eyes.” _

She smiled as some people cheered. The people who came there often knew that Clarke’s music was heavily based on her own mood and feelings, and her music was usually rather sad. She expected that the regulars were happy to hear some change. She glanced at Lexa who was smiling proudly at her, and she smiled back before starting her song that she was most excited for. 

She looked directly at Lexa and began singing her next song, “ _ And after all this time, I’m still into you. I should be over all the butterflies, but I’m into you. I’m into you, and baby even on our worst nights, I’m into you. I’m into you. Let ‘em wonder how we got this far, but I don’t really need to wonder at all. Yeah, after all this time, I’m still into you.” _

When she finished the song, she caught Lexa smiling so wide it must’ve hurt, and she swore the woman has glassy eyes. Clarke immediately ran to the backroom to put her guitar away before greeting her friends. 

She then ran to Lexa who pulled her into a hug, causing all her friends to “awwww” while they flipped them off. Clarke placed a kiss on Lexa's neck as that was the only place she could reach before she gently pulled away and began chatting with all her friends, Lexa included. 

“That was fucking adorable,” Anya said, and both Clarke and Lexa smiled, “Rae, take notes.”

“Sorry, I’m not as lyrically talented as Clarke, nor do I have the voice,” Raven chuckled. 

“I’m sure you could do it, Rae,” Clarke smirked.

“Stop,” Raven whispered, “don’t encourage her.” Clarke laughed whole-heartedly, and Raven just huffed.

Lincoln approached her a few minutes later, and informed her that they’d have to leave now. Clarke had asked to ride back with the two of them to save Lexa the trip, so she’d have to head out as well. She nodded at Lincoln and made her way back to the group to say her goodbyes. 

She quickly hugged Raven, and to her surprise, Anya hugged her as well. She then hugged Lexa while giving her a quick kiss. After that, she no longer had an excuse to stay, so she waved goodbye to her other friends while she walked to Octavia and Lincoln’s car.

“Time to sleep, lovergirl,” Octavia said from the front seat.

“Since when was I lovergirl?” Clarke shrieked in confusion. She had thought Lexa would keep the “lovergirl” title. 

“Since tonight,” Octavia smirked as she drove off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Songs:   
> Still Into You-Paramore: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B7Ei5JkZpTE  
> Can't Blame a Girl for Trying-Sabrina Carpenter: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V63m0StIbnY  
> So Far Away-Mary Lambert: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5JVCmyTPRhg  
> Fire And Gold-Bea Miller: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5JVCmyTPRhg
> 
> Feedback :) (On a real note, do I really need to keep leaving "feedback" on all my chapters or do you guys get the memo by now LMAO)


	9. I Fucking Knew It!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and the gang attend Abby and Marcus' wedding.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before we start, I've literally only every been to 2 weddings only one of which I remember. That was like 2 or three years ago, so this might not be entirely accurate.

“I’m hungry,” Octavia whined as they stopped at a red light.

“We just stopped 20 minutes ago,” Clarke groaned. 

“So?” Octavia quipped while looking to Clarke who was in the back seat. 

“It’s a ten hour drive, and we need to be there at a certain time,” Clarke replied.

“Your mom will understand if we’re a little late,” Octavia waved a dismissive hand.

“I’m a bride’s maid. I’m not allowed to be late!” Clarke exclaimed in exasperation. 

“I think I packed some snacks. Check the trunk, Clarke,” Lincoln said from the driver’s seat.

Clarke looked in the trunk of the car and noticed a small bag of food. “Here, O,” she passed it up to her friend. Octavia smiled happily in thanks as she began eating a bag of chips. 

Clarke slowly drifted into sleep as they drove. There wasn’t much to do since Octavia would be in a food coma soon, and Lincoln would be focused on driving. 

When Clarke woke up, it was from Lincoln shaking her shoulders. “We’re here,” he told her while getting out of the car and helping Octavia out. Clarke groggily sat up and rubbed at her sore neck. She cracked her joints before unbuckling and getting out of the car. She was almost immediately tackled by her younger sister, but Clarke caught herself as she wrapped the girl in her arms. “Hey, Madi,” Clarke smiled while messing up the girl’s hair. 

“Hi,” Madi smiled while pulling out of the hug. 

“Charlotte is yelling at mom because ‘the dress color doesn’t match her skin tone’,” Madi mocked her sister, and Clarke laughed hysterically while walking into the house. 

“Do you need me to grab anything?” she asked before she walked off.

“We got it. you go see your family,” Lincoln said, and Clarke nodded with a smile of thanks as she followed her little sister into the building. 

“I told you, the colors don’t match!” she heard her sister yell.

“It’s too late to change the colors, Char,” her mother replied. 

“Ugh!” Charlotte groaned as she stomped off to a room, presumably to change.

“Damn teenagers,” Clarke rolled her eyes when she turned the corner and saw her mom. She offered the older woman a smile, and she didn’t miss the relief on her mother’s face. 

“Thank God,” her mother sighed while pulling her into a hug. Clarke hugged her back, and Clarke smiled.

“Where’s Lexa?” her mother said excitedly.

“Wow, okay, I missed you too,” Clarke rolled her eyes. 

“You know what I meant,” her mom lightly slapped her arm.

“I didn’t ride with her, so I don’t know when she’ll be here,” Clarke told her mom.

“Why didn’t you two ride together. She is your plus one after all,” her mother smirked.

“Oh my God, Mom,” Clarke rolled her eyes. She was happy that her mom was okay with the concept of them together, but she didn’t want to make Lexa uncomfortable when she got there. 

“Okay, okay, I’ll stop, but really, why didn’t you ride together?” she asked.

“It was just easier to drive with O and Linc since I live with them anyway,” Clarke answered honestly. She had wanted to ride with Lexa since she knew the woman would be driving alone, but Lexa assured her that she didn’t mind the drive on her own. 

“Okay, enough small talk, we need to get ourselves dressed,” her mother said.

“I’ll change and then bring the other two to help you?” Clarke offered.

“Sounds good,” her mother nodded, and she directed Clarke to a room that had her clothing in it. 

Once she changed, Clarke looked at the dress in the full length mirror in the room. The dress was pretty simple and peach colored. She thought it complimented her skin well, and she was happy with her mother’s color choice.

After she was confident in the outfit, she went to her mother’s room to check on her and get all their makeup done. “Hey Mom,” Clarke said to announce her arrival. 

“Hey, honey,” her mother said while sliding her dress on. There was another woman, probably one they hired, who was helping her mother into the dress. 

“You look gorgeous, Mom,” Clarke said while sniffling. For a while, she’s considered her mom one of her best friends, and Clarke was over the moon that she was finding happiness again. She deserved it. They all did. 

“Thanks,” her mom smiled while blushing and sniffling. 

“Can you go make sure your sisters aren’t throwing a tantrum?” her mother asked with a chuckle.

“Sure,” Clarke answered with a laugh in return.

She first made her way to Madi’s room because she hoped it would be easier to deal with her. “Madi?” Clarke knocked.

“I’m stuck,” she huffed from inside the room.

Clarke laughed rather loudly and asked, “May I come in?”

“I just said I’m stuck! Of course you can come in!” Madi said, eye roll obvious in her voice. Clarke couldn’t help but laugh again as she walked in and saw the predicament her sister was in. 

“You’re gonna have to take it off and start all over again,” Clarke told her. 

“Okay, get out,” Madi said, obviously unsure about Clarke seeing her half naked. 

“Baby,” Clarke sighed with a light chuckle, “I’ve changed your diapers. It’s nothing I haven’t seen before.” Still, she left the room because she understood not wanting to be seen half naked, even if it was by someone who’s already seen all of it before. 

“Okay, you can come back in,” Madi yelled. Clarke came back in, and she saw that Madi had it basically all the way on. “Can you zip it?” she asked, and Clarke nodded while zipping it. 

“You look stunning,” Clarke smiled as Madi looked in the mirror.

“So do you,” Madi smiled while running off to her mother’s room. 

“Charlotte?” Clarke asked as she knocked on her other sister’s door.

“What?” she responded, obviously annoyed.

“No need to get snappy. You need help?” Clarke asked.

“What needs help is this dress,” Charlotte huffed, and Clarke had to laugh.

“Can I come in?” Clarke asked.

“Whatever,” Charlotte said, so Clarke entered. 

“Gremlin, you gotta put the dress on,” Clarke chuckled.

“Really, you’re still sticking with ‘Gremlin’,” Charlotte asked with a “seriously?” look.

“Yes, really, now put the dress on,” Clarke said more sternly.

“God, you’re almost as bad as Mom,” she rolled her eyes. Despite her words, Charlotte began pulling the dress on.

“See, it looks amazing,” Clarke smirked because she knew her sister had no argument. All three girls had similar skin tones, so if Madi and Clarke rocked it, Charlotte did too. 

“Yeah, whatever,” Charlotte rolled her eyes, and the duo made their way to their mom’s room. 

“Hair and makeup ladies,” a woman said while grabbing Clarke’s wrist and pulling her into a seat by her mother. Clarke gave the woman a weird look, but she complied nonetheless.

An hour or two later, the three were ready for the actual ceremony. “Mom, who’s walking you down the aisle?” Madi asked. 

“I’m walking by myself,” her mother answered with a smile.

“Is that what you want?” Clarke asked.

“Yes,” her mother nodded firmly, “It would… I would like it.”

“Hmm?” Charlotte hummed, obviously wanting to know what her mother was going to say.

“Everyone I love, besides you two and Marcus, is dead. It would make more sense for me to walk alone. Not to mention, it’s oddly poetic… that there’s no one to ‘give me away’,” her mother explained, and Clarke had to fight hard not to tear up and ruin her makeup because her mom really was the strongest woman she knew. 

“Are you ladies ready?” someone asked as they opened the doors they’d be walking out of. 

“Yep,” they all answered.

“Alright, let’s go oldest to youngest. Bride’s maids first,” the woman said, and Clarke stepped in front with Charlotte behind her.

“Okay, once the first person gets about halfway there, the second person will follow. Again, once the second person gets to halfway there, the third person will go,” she explained, and the three girls nodded, “and I’ll signal the bride when we’re ready.” Everyone nodded, and the woman made a gesture telling Clarke to start walking.

She took careful strides as she walked down the aisle to the stage. She was so focused on making sure she didn’t trip, she missed Lexa staring at her like she was the only person in the world. That is, until Clarke finally made it to her designated spot, and she made eye contact with her favorite pair of green eyes. She smiled at her, and Lexa smiled back. 

Once all three girls were in their spots, Clarke heard the music change, and her mother began walking. Even Clarke almost cried when she spotted her mom walking to the stage, alone, in a wedding dress. She smiled encouragingly at her mom, and she heard Marcus sniffling which only cemented her thoughts on how perfect the guy was for her mom. No one could top her father, but he was a damn good second. 

When her mother finally made it to the stage, she pretty much tuned out all sound and focused on the expressions and words being said by the pair, and by the time they were done reciting vows, Clarke was crying subtly. She also noticed her mother and Marcus were practically sobbing. Charlotte was also subtly crying, and Madi was biting her lip while a few tears spilled from her eyes. 

Soon after, the priest pronounced them husband and wife, they were all dismissed to mingle before moving to the after party. Clarke quickly jogged to Lexa and pulled her into a room away from her mother. “Hi,” she smiled.

“Hi,” Lexa smiled back.

“We’ve got a few minutes before my mother starts hunting you down,” she chuckled.

“Hunting me down?” Lexa shrieked quietly as her eyes widened.

“Not like that,” Clarke laughed while fiddling with the sides of Lexa’s suit, “she wants to meet the amazing teacher who kept me from losing my mind here.”

Lexa obviously blushed, and Clarke looked around before quickly placing a kiss to Lexa’s lips. “So, she doesn’t have an issue with me?” Lexa asked shyly.

“I think she’ll practically kiss you in thanks when she meets you,” Clarke laughed, “Please, don’t let her though.” Lexa laughed as well and quickly kissed Clarke as assurance. 

“Okay,” Clarke sighed, “Let’s go be social.”

“By the way,” Clarke said while walking with Lexa, “You look good in a suit.” She smirked happily when she saw Lexa blush slightly, and Clarke couldn’t help but laugh a little at how easy it was to make the older woman blush. 

“You make that dress look good,” Lexa quipped, and Clarke actually stopped walking and turned on her heel to face Lexa. 

Clarke made a frustrated noise while clenching her fists. “If I could kiss you right now, I would,” she whispered, and Lexa laughed, knowing she had stumped Clarke. 

“Mom!” Clarke exclaimed after a while when she found her.

“Clarke,” her mother smiled as her eyes landed on Lexa, “and Lexa Woods.”

Lexa cringed at her full name, but she offered her hand as a greeting. Instead, Abby pulled Lexa into a hug, and Lexa tentatively hugged back. Abby gently pulled away from the hug with her hands on Lexa’s shoulders. “Clarke, you never told me she was pretty,” Abby said while making eye contact with her daughter,

“Oh my God, Mom,” Clarke whined, and Lexa turned bright red.

“Well, Lexa, it was nice meeting you, but I have a feeling I’ll be seeing you around a lot,” Abby smirked with a wink as she walked off.

“See, no problem with you,” Clarke rolled her eyes while grabbing Lexa’s wrist and pulling her away. “Let’s just go to the place for the after party,” Clarke rolled her eyes, “Does that work for you?”

“Fine by me,” Lexa said while fixing up her suit and guiding Clarke to where she had parked her car. 

The second the two of them were in the car, Clarke leaned over the console and kissed Lexa with such passion that Lexa had to wonder what encouraged it. Still, she kissed back just as passionately, and she smiled subtly when she felt Clarke’s hand fall to her jaw. “Sorry,” Clarke said as she pulled away and buckled up, “I’ve been wanting to do that since we stopped.”

Lexa laughed and shook her head in amusement as she started the car. She noticed Clarke reached for the handle on the roof, but she wasn’t gripping it like her life depended on it. Lexa reached over and grabbed Clarke’s other hand with her freehand, and she smiled when Clarke intertwined their fingers. 

They soon reached the venue of the after party, and Clarke unbuckled before leaning over and kissing Lexa again. It wasn’t as passionate as before, but it was about as deep as the space in the car would allow. “What was that for?” Lexa asked with a smirk as Clarke pulled away.

“I told you you look good in a suit,” Clarke smiled while getting out of the car and walking into the room for the afterparty. Clarke, being the one in charge of the seating, made sure she and her friend group were sat together. She was going to sit between Lexa and Raven.

She was surprised to see all her friends already there. Then again, she realized she hadn’t seen Anya and Raven at the wedding, and Lincoln and Octavia probably left early. Octavia was 7 months pregnant, and her feet probably didn’t appreciate standing so much. She took her seat next to Raven while Lexa followed and found her seat between Clarke and Lincoln. 

“Took you two long enough,” Raven said while rolling her eyes playfully. 

“They were probably making out in the car,” Anya said.

“Shut up!” Clarke and Lexa exclaimed quietly.

“They so were!” Raven exclaimed loudly.

“Raven Reyes, I’m going to slap the shit out of you later,” Clarke said seriously, and she noticed her friend slightly sink in her seat which made Clarke smirk subtly. 

A while later, the bride and groom entered the room, and everyone was allowed to eat from the selection of food that was offered. Clarke, Lexa, Lincoln, and Anya got up to go get food for them and their significant others. 

Once they all had the foods they wanted, they sat back down at their table and began eating and talking aimlessly. “So, what are you going to name the baby?” Raven eventually asked while taking a bite out of a chicken leg. 

“Well,” Octavia smiled at Lincoln, “If it’s a boy, we’re thinking ‘Nyko’ after one of Bellamy and Linc’s Army friends who passed, and if it’s a girl, we’re going to name her Aurora after my mom.”

Everyone around the room made “awws” and “oos” while taking in the information. “Are you guys sure you don’t want to do something original?” Clarke asked tentatively.

“We thought about it,” Lincoln nodded, “but we wanted the little one’s name to have some kind of sentimental name.”

“Don’t you want them to have their own name, though?” Lexa offered, also rather tentative.

“We realized that the names we chose are connected to other people, and it might make it seem like the kid is meant to live in their shadow,” Lincoln explained, “We also know that the names we chose are that of good people. We don’t actually expect them to be like Nyko or Aurora.” Everyone nodded and dropped the subject. 

Just as someone was about to start talking, Madi appeared by Clarke’s side. “Hi,” she smiled even though her voice was somewhat shy. 

“Hello,” everyone else replied.

“I need to steal Clarke,” she said while tugging on her sister’s sleeve.

Everyone nodded, and Clarke got up to follow her sister. “What’s up?” she asked when they were out of earshot of the rest of the guests. 

“Mom said they’re having problems with the music, and she needs you to come up with something to stall,” Madi said.

“Why me?” Clarke asked.

“Charlotte’s still eating, and she said she didn’t want me to worry about,” Madi shrugged.

“What am I supposed to do?” Clarke asked.

“I don’t know. Mom suggested a speech about how you feel about the wedding,” Madi shrugged. Clarke simply nodded as she began trying to think of what she could say. She nodded again when she had an answer, and she walked up to the person in charge of the music. 

He quickly spoke into the microphone, “May I have everyone’s attention?” Everyone stopped talking and looked at the man, “The daughter of the bride has a few words she’d like to say.” He then handed the mic to Clarke, and she cautiously walked towards the center of the area meant for dancing. 

“Since I got word of my mom’s wedding,” Clarke began, “people have worried about how I feel about it. However, my feelings about this wedding have never faltered. If you’re close with the family which most of you are, you know my father and older brother died in a car accident a few years ago, and that’s why people worry about how I’ll feel. I was ruined by their death, and that’s why I knew my mother was also destroyed by it. So, when she told me she found love again, I knew it was okay. She was okay. I was okay.” 

Clarke took a deep breath before beginning again, “When I first met Marcus, I immediately knew he was a good guy. He knew everything my mom had been through, and he still stood by her. Our family has been through a lot, and he wasn’t afraid. Hell, maybe he was afraid and he still stayed.  That’ s what really made me realize he was the right choice. My father always told me to do what scares me, and somehow, knowing Marcus does that as well… it brings a certain peace to me that can’t be described with words.”

“In conclusion, I couldn’t be happier about the wedding. I couldn’t be happier that my mom finally found love again, and I’m over the moon that my sister’s will get something I didn’t. They’ll get a happy home after all the crap that’s happened. This wedding, Marcus, is the best thing that could’ve ever happened to the family. So, thank you Marcus for… happening,” Clarke concluded her speech, and she saw that a few people had tears in their eyes while others seemed like their entire view on the wedding had been changed. Everyone began clapping, and Clarke walked back to the guy in charge of music. 

“Music’s good,” the guy smiled appreciatively. Clarke exhaled a deep breath before walking back to her friends.

“I didn’t know you were supposed to give a speech,” Lexa said curiously. Clarke glanced around the table, and she saw that Octavia was practically sobbing while Raven was wiping her eyes. Lexa seemed like she had been moved as well, but she wasn’t in tears.

“I didn’t know either,” Clarke chuckled nervously. 

“Then why’d you give one?” Raven said as she wiped the last of her tears from her eyes.

“The music wasn’t working right, and they needed someone to stall,” Clarke replied. 

As if on cue, the music guy began talking into the microphone, “and now, for the first dance between the husband and wife.” Marcus and Abby walked out together, holding hands as their chosen song came on. They put their arms around each other and began listening to the song. It was one Clarke hadn’t heard before, and she listened intently as she watched them dance. 

Once it was over, everyone clapped and cheered happily for the couple. “And now, we’re freeing up the dance floor!” the guy announced as he began playing songs that were more danceable. 

Clarke was going to dance when she saw Madi approach her. “Come dance with me!” Madi exclaimed while grabbing Clarke’s sleeve. Clarke apologetically smiled at Lexa, but she just smiled happily. 

Madi grabbed Clarke’s hands, and the two spun from side to side. Clarke would occasionally spin her sister out, pull her back in, and dip her which always made her laugh. She also noticed out of the corner of her eyes that Charlotte was dancing with her friends, and Clarke was glad that she had managed to fit in in Arkadia just as Clarke had. 

After a few more songs, a slow song came on, and Madi sighed as she walked back to her seat. Madi was old enough and smart enough to know that Clarke had other friends who she wanted to hang out with. Madi, instead, decided to hang out with the people her age at the wedding.

Clarke took the chance to find Lexa and pull her up. “C’mon,” Clarke encouraged her.

“I don’t dance,” Lexa said firmly.

“You did once,” Clarke whined, “C’mon.”

“Ugh,” Lexa groaned as she slowly got up.

“Yes!” Clarke exclaimed while dragging her to the floor where they put their arms around each other and began dancing.

“Won’t your mom be suspicious?” Lexa asked.

“She already thinks we’re secretly together,” Clarke waved her off.

“What?” Lexa exclaimed while practically jumping away from Clarke. 

Clarke laughed as she pulled Lexa back into her, and she said, “Relax, she’s rooting for us.”

“She what?” Lexa asked, still surprised as she swayed back and forth with Clarke. 

“She’s practically begging for me to ask you out,” Clarke laughed, “It’s kind of funny.”

“Good thing I beat you too it,” Lexa smiled as Clarke buried her face in the crook of Lexa’s neck. 

“What do you mean? I’m the one who initiated it,” Clarke argued.

“Yeah, but I’m the one who asked you on a date,” Lexa smirked.

“Speaking of dates, when is it?” Clarke asked.

“Sometime when we get back to LA,” Lexa said, and Clarke nodded reluctantly, understanding she wasn’t going to get much else from Lexa.

After some time, Clarke placed a gentle kiss to Lexa’s neck, and she felt the older woman smile. “I want to kiss you really bad,” Lexa whispered.

“Hmmm,” Clarke thought it over, “that’s one way to tell my mom we’re not just friends.” Clarke made direct eye contact with Lexa, practically daring her to.

“Can I?” Lexa asked.

“Do it, you won’t,” Clarke instigated.

Much to her surprise, Lexa kissed her deeply. Lexa’s hand moved to the back of Clarke’s neck to pull her closer, and Clarke’s hand quickly found it’s place on Lexa’s jaw. 

She then heard a familiar voice exclaim, “I fucking knew it!” She looked up to see her mother pointing a finger at her, and Clarke laughed loudly while Lexa looked at the ground in discomfort. “You go girls!” she exclaimed, and Clarke laughed at how intoxicated her mother sounded.

“Mom, maybe you should lay off the champagne,” Clarke suggested with a chuckle.

“Nonsense, I haven’t felt this good in ages,” Abby waved a dismissive hand to her daughter. “Now, you,” she pointed a finger at Lexa who visibly paled, “Treat my daughter right, you’ll quickly find a place with the Griffins. Break her heart, I will personally hunt you down and stop your existence.”

“Definitely too much alcohol,” Clarke nodded with wide eyes. She then looked to Lexa who had a similar expression, and she couldn’t help but giggle. She grabbed Lexa’s hand and pulled her back to their seat. 

“Where are you staying tonight?” she asked Lexa.

“I’ll be at a hotel, the same one as Lincoln, Octavia, Anya, and Raven,” Lexa assured her.

“Okay,” Clarke frowned, “Can I ride back with you tomorrow?” 

“Of course,” Lexa smiled while placing a quick kiss to Clarke’s cheek. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> She knows O_O
> 
> I feel like this is really bad but the story must go on!
> 
> Feedback :)


	10. Home pt. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Lexa discuss feelings, their past, and some of their lowest times while they drive back to LA from Arkadia after the wedding.
> 
> !WARNING: EPIC FEELS (some EXTREMELY LIGHT mention of depression and toxic relationships)!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry I haven't updated! I recently started writing this new story on the side, and I got a little obsessed and side-tracked. Don't worry, this story must go on! Plus, this is kind of a pivotal moment in the story, so I've been thinking a lot about what I want to do with it. Hopefully this longer chapter will make up for it! Anyway, hope you enjoy this chapter.
> 
> P.S. I know the other chapter called "Home" didn't have a "part two" on it, but I'm gonna edit that real quick because I decided that these two chapter do kind of line up. Hope you all don't mind :)

Clarke woke up in her old bed that morning. She looked around at her room with a nostalgic smile before she got up and went to the kitchen. She decided to make everyone breakfast since Lexa would be here around 10 to pick her up. 

It was the end of August, and Clarke knew she’d, unfortunately, be going back to school soon. She finally got to somewhere comfortable with Lexa, and college was going to ruin it and steal her time. Not to mention, she has a job that’s going to eat away all her time. No time for Lexa also meant no time for family, so she needed to enjoy it as much as possible.

Clarke decided on french toast and just as she finished cooking, her family began making their way down the stairs. Her mother kissed her temple in thanks as she began plating her food. Madi smiled at her while Charlotte just grabbed her food and sat down. Clarke shrugged it off, knowing that Charlotte was probably just being a grumpy teenager. Marcus also thanked Clarke as he grabbed a plate, and Clarke plated her own food as well. 

The group talked about college, Charlotte’s senior year, and Madi’s first year in middle school. Madi was worried, but she said she was mostly excited, especially about having a locker. She said she wanted to decorate it and keep it organized, but we all knew Madi wouldn’t follow through because she’s a messy person.

“When do you leave?” Abby finally asked after a while. 

“Around 10,” Clarke answered as she took a bite of her toast.

“Who’s driving you?” she asked with a smirk, and Clarke figured she already knew.

“Lexa,” Clarke muttered as she stuffed her mouth with more food as an excuse not to talk.

“What’s going on there anyway?” Charlotte asked. 

“None of your business,” Clarke stuck her tongue out at her sister playfully, and Charlotte made an annoyed face which made the whole table laugh.

“There’s obviously something going on,” Abby said.

“I don’t really know,” Clarke shrugged.

“Just for confirmation, none of that happened while you were a student right?” Abby asked, and Clarke immediately tensed. She wanted to tell her mom it didn’t happen, and this definitely wasn’t something she wanted to discuss during breakfast. Still, she couldn’t bring herself to lie to her mom, and she couldn’t bring herself to tell the truth. Instead, she decided to just continue eating and ignore her mom.

“Clarke,” her mother said firmly. 

“Okay something did happen but it was my fault and it stopped immediately after and we didn’t talk for two years after that,” Clarke word vomited and practically explained all of it in one breath. 

“So she didn’t force herself on you?” Abby asked with a raised eyebrow as she sipped her drink.

“No! Never! She’s not like that,” Clarke assured her mom with a slight smile.

“Sorry, but you have noticed your awful taste in men, right?” Abby chuckled.

“Ow,” Clarke feigned offence, “and Bellamy wasn’t bad. Plus, Lexa’s not a guy.”

“Well ya don’t say,” Charlotte said sarcastically.

“No one asked you,” Clarke narrowed her eyes at her sister.

“So, we’re ignoring the fact that Lexa used to be Clarke’s teacher?” Charlotte asked.

“Y-” Clarke tried, but she was cut off.

“Yes, we are. If Clarke’s happy, we should all be happy for her,” Marcus said, and Clarke smiled appreciatively at him. She worried about how he might react to the whole thing, and she was glad she had his support.

“I just think it’s a little weird,” Charlotte shrugged.

“Me too,” Madi scrunched up her face, “I can’t imagine dating Mr. Pike.” Madi made a fake gagging sound, and everyone at the table laughed.

“That’s because Mr. Pike has no endearing qualities,” Clarke pointed out as she finished her toast and put her dish in the sink before returning to the table. 

“And Lexa does?” Madi asked curiously. Madi didn’t know the teacher well, but she remembered when she first met the teacher at Clarke’s Senior trip. The teacher had been kind. Plus, she couldn’t argue that she thought the teacher was pretty.

“Yes,” Clarke nodded with finality. “Oh fuck! I need to pack!” Clarke exclaimed after a moment.

“We’ll clean up!” Abby yelled after her.

“Thanks, Mom!” Clarke said as she ran up the stairs. 

“Don’t you think it’s weird that Clarke is dating someone so much older than her?” Charlotte asked as she was helping her mom wash dishes. Madi and Marcus had gone to the living room to play games after being excused by the other two.

“I think it’s weird, but obviously Clarke is happy,” Abby admitted, “Lexa seemed happy as well, and that’s all the matters to me.”

“Yeah, I guess so,” Charlotte shrugged, “She deserves it.”

“All of us do,” Abby said while bumping her shoulder into her daughter’s. Charlotte nodded a little and wondered what made her happy. Not that she wasn’t happy, she just couldn’t place the exact thing that made her happy. Perhaps it was friends and family? Maybe it was something simpler like watching tv?

Clarke quickly threw her stuff together and closed the suitcase she brought. She then checked her phone and saw some messages from Lexa.

**Lexa:** _ When should I pick you up? _

**Lexa:** _ Clarke? _

**Lexa:** _ You’re probably eating…. You know what I’ll be there at 10 you’ll figure out how to be ready on time _

Clarke couldn’t help but laugh at how Lexa just gave and decided on a time. She also found it funny that 10 was the time she wanted to be picked up anyway.

**Clarke:** _ 10 works just fine _

**Lexa:** _ Good because I’m outside _

**Clarke:** _ …. It’s not 10 yet _

**Lexa:** _ :) _

Clarke ran down the stairs with her bags and smiled when she saw Lexa getting ready to knock. “Were you really going to knock?” Clarke chuckled.

“Was I not supposed to?” Lexa asked, confused.

“You already told me you were here,” Clarke shrugged, “most people don’t bother knocking after that. Not that I mind.” Clarke smiled at Lexa reassuringly as the woman grabbed her bag and put it in the trunk of her car. Clarke leaned up to give Lexa a quick kiss which she easily returned.

“Hi, Lexa!” her mom waved noisily from the still open door.

“Ugh,” Clarke groaned.

“Love you too, Clarke,” her mom smiled. Lexa laughed and Clarke smiled as well. “Did you really think you could leave without saying goodbye?” Abby asked and Clarke chuckled before facing Lexa questioningly. 

“I’ll wait in the car,” Lexa told Clarke. Clarke furrowed her brows for a moment, debating if she should invite Lexa in, but she didn’t want to overwhelm the woman. She nodded and kissed Lexa’s cheek before walking to her mom in the doorway.

“Don’t know what’s going, huh?” her mom asked sarcastically.

“We’re just friends who kiss,” Clarke shrugged, “we’re not worried about labels.” Abby nodded, and Clarke was glad her mom and Marcus were supportive. Her sisters were still on the fence about it, but she knew they’d come around. “I love you, Mom,” Clarke said out of nowhere as she kissed her mom’s cheek and pulled away from the hug in search of her siblings and Marcus.

After she said her goodbyes, she made her way back to Lexa’s car and sat down. She buckled in, double checking the buckle like always, before putting her hand on the handle on the door instead of the roof. She then put her hand on the console, hoping Lexa would grab it. Lexa did, and she placed a kiss to it before she started driving. 

“Thank you for coming,” Clarke said while squeezing Lexa’s hand gently.

“Of course,” Lexa smiled, “Did your mom give you a hard time this morning?” Lexa smirked, figuring Abby probably had lots to say.

“She’s happy for me,” Clarke smiled, “and so is Marcus.”

“See, I told you she loves you,” Lexa smiled.

“Yeah, took me long enough to realize it,” Clarke nodded sadly.

“Your sisters?” Lexa asked in relation to their feelings about the teacher.

“They’re weirded out by the fact that I’m dating my ex teacher who’s 6 years older than me, but I think they all just want me to be happy. They just don’t understand it,” Clarke defended her sisters, and Lexa nodded. 

“I’m glad you have a supportive family,” Lexa smiled as she turned onto the highway.

“Do you?” Clarke asked, realizing she didn’t know much about Lexa’s family aside from Lincoln. 

“I mean, yeah. Lincoln’s great, and my dad just wants me to be happy,” Lexa smiled.

“Your dad sounds great,” Clarke said honestly.

“He is,” Lexa nodded. 

“What’s he like?” Clarke asked curiously, hoping she wasn’t pushing it. She was surprised to see Lexa smile happily as if she had been waiting forever for Clarke to ask this question. 

“Well, have you ever heard of Woods Corp?” Lexa asked.

“Lexa, I grew up in DC. Who doesn’t know about Woods Corp,” Clarke replied sarcastically, eliciting a giggle from Lexa which made Clarke smile. “Wait a damn minute-” Clarke trailed off as she made a connection.

“My dad is CEO,” Lexa smirked. 

“No fucking way,” Clarke said, “ The Gustus Woods is your father?”

“Yep,” LExa smirked.

“He’s not mad that you decided to be a teacher and not a business woman?” Clarke asked curiously.

“A lot of shit happened in high school,” Lexa said, skipping over the details, “after all of it, he just wanted me to be happy and comfortable.”

“Do you…” Clarke trailed off, not wanting to overstep, “want to talk about it? What happened?” 

“Not really,” Lexa admitted, “but I have to talk about it eventually, don’t I?” Strangely, Lexa felt a kind of serenity at the idea of telling Clarke about her terrible high school years. She wanted Clarke to know all about it. She also inferred that Clarke went through something similar, so she thought it would be nice to tell her.

“You don't have to tell me right now,” Clarke assured her.

“Wait, no,” Lexa said firmly, “I want to.” She briefly glanced at Clarke to smile as she squeezed the girl’s hand. 

“If you’re sure,” Clarke said worriedly.

“Well, when I was young and dumb, I used to think my dad wanted me to take on the company, and maybe he did,” Lexa started to explain, “Either way, I got really stressed out and started doing drugs and drinking a lot.”

“You’re telling me you, Miss don’t-drink-alcohol-while-you’re-underage-Clarke, drank and did drugs in high school?” Clarke laughed a little, but she squeezed Lexa’s hand in support. 

“Yeah, it’s why I told you not to do it,” Lexa explained, and Clarke nodded, signaling for Lexa to continue.

“Anyway, one day, the pressure got bad and I overdosed… or drank too much. I’m not really sure. It might’ve been the combination, but I died for a while,” Lexa explained. 

“Lexa,” Clarke cooed sadly, and Lexa smiled at how upset Clarke sounded for her. Clarke also began rubbing her thumb over Lexa’s knuckles, and Lexa immediately felt calmer. 

“It’s alright,” Lexa reassured her. “Costia, you remember her?” Lexa paused her story to ask.

“Mhm,” Clarke hummed with a supportive smile.

“She found me. It happened at a party, and she called the ambulance. She stayed with me at the hospital, and when I was released, she insisted on going back with me to help me sober up,” Lexa explained.

“She sounds great,” Clarke smiled.

“Sorry, I really shouldn’t talk about my dead ex with you,” Lexa laughed, trying not to cry as she reminisced. 

“She’s part of who you are,” Clarke said honestly, “It’s okay to still love her and miss her.”

Lexa felt like her heart was exploding at Clarke’s words. She wasn’t sure if she still loved Costia, but she definitely missed her. She missed the woman who had saved her life. She missed her first love. 

“Thank you,” Lexa whispered. 

“What was she like?” Clarke asked curiously, seeing the reminiscent look in Lexa’s eyes that Clarke got whenever she thought of her dad and brother. Clarke rubbed Lexa’s knuckles reassuringly with her fingers, letting Lexa know she could turn down Clarke’s offer or talk about it.

“She was kind and selfless,” Lexa explained, “she looked a lot like you too now that I think about.” Lexa had to laugh at herself. “I guess I have a type,” Lexa chuckled. Clarke laughed with Lexa and turned her attention to the brunette. “She had deep brown eyes, long blonde hair, and pale skin.”

“She sounds gorgeous,” Clarke nodded in agreement. Clarke started to wonder why she wasn’t jealous of the woman. Possibly because Clarke remembered the woman was dead, but that sounded a little shallow. Maybe because she saved Lexa? She wasn’t sure. 

“She was,” Lexa nodded. “She was a romantic too,” Lexa added, but she didn’t go into detail. She talked about small moments she had with Costia, and eventually Clarke couldn’t stop herself. 

“How’d she… How’d she die?” Clarke asked.

Lexa sighed. She had been wanting to tell Clarke for a while, but she wasn’t sure when the opportunity would arise. Guess it’s now or never. “She overdosed,” Lexa said.

“That must’ve been awful for you,” Clarke tried to sympathize.

“It sucked,” Lexa said, exaggerating the word “sucked. 

“I spent all night looking for her. I was worried sick that something happened. She had started doing drugs earlier, and she had almost died. I had saved her then, and she was sober for six months until that night. I found her dead on the school’s property,” Lexa answered while biting her lip.

“Pull over,” Clarke said sternly.

“We’re on the highway,” Lexa reminded Clarke.

“Put your hazards on and pull over,” Clarke practically demanded, and Lexa found herself heeding her commands. When they were on the side of the road, Clarke unlocked her door, walked to Lexa’s side of the car, pulled her out of the car, and hugged her. Lexa deeply inhaled contentedly as she hugged Clarke back.

“Thank you for telling me,” Clarke said honestly as she rubbed Lexa’s back. Again, Lexa was fighting tears. “It’s okay to cry you know,” Clarke told her, “you loved her.” That’s when Lexa couldn’t hold it anymore, and she started crying. Clarke just rubbed her back and tried to soothe her, and Lexa couldn’t help but feel like her feelings for Clarke multiplied in that moment. 

“Thank you,” Lexa said after she calmed down. She placed a kiss to Clarke’s neck, and she felt the younger girl smile.

“Alright, now let’s get back on the road!” Clarke exclaimed. Double checking the Lexa was read, the two got back in the car and began to drive again. 

Clarke decided to play some music to lighten the mood from the heavy turn it had taken. One of her favorite songs, “She Looks So Perfect,” by 5SOS came on, and Clarke immediately turned the volume up. She brought her fist to her mouth as a microphone and began singing along. Long forgotten was the handle of the car door she had been gripping earlier. 

“ _ Simmer down, simmer down. They say we’re too young now to amount to anything else, look around. We worked too damn hard for this just to give it up now. _ ”

She paused for a moment to look at Lexa and she began singing even harder and more passionately, “ _ If you don’t swim, you’ll drown, but don’t move, honey. You look so perfect standing there in my American Apparel underwear, and I know now that I’m so down. Your lipstick stain is a work of art, I got your name tattooed in an arrow heart, and I know now that I’m so down.”  _

Clarke paused to breathe, and she began singing a few seconds later after skipping a few lines, “ _ While I was out, I found myself alone just thinking if I showed up with a plane ticket, and I shiny diamond ring with your name on it, would you wanna run away too? ‘Cause all I really want is you”  _

Clarke stopped singing as passionately for the rest of the song, but she still hummed along. After a few seconds, Lexa commented, “You stopped holding onto the door handle.”

Clarke looked around and was surprised to find her other hand was resting on her thigh. “Indeed I did,” Clarke noted with a proud smile. Clarke felt Lexa press a kiss to her hand that was still intertwined with Lexa, and Clarke smiled even wider. 

About an hour later, another song Clarke recognized, “On Purpose” by Sabrina Carpenter came on, and she was surprised to find that Lexa seemed to know it as well. 

Clarke didn’t sing the first verse because the radio had come in on the chorus, but Clarke immediately began singing, “ _ All these days I never thought that I’d need someone so much. Who knew? But I don’t think I ever planned for this helpless circumstance with you.”  _

She paused for a moment to face Lexa, and she saw Lexa smile, even though the woman wasn’t facing her. Clarke began singing again, “ _ You’re scared, I’m nervous, but I guess that we did it on purpose, on purpose, on purpose. I know it’s weird, but it’s worth it cause I guess that we did it on purpose, on purpose, on purpose. But I guess that we did it on purpose. But I guess that we did it on purpose.”  _

Lexa continued to smile as Clarke sang the rest of the song, and she couldn’t help but wonder how she got someone so talented and lively to want her, of all people. “What are you smiling about?” Clarke furrowed her brows when the song finished. She turned the volume down so the two could talk.

“You,” Lexa answered honestly as she squeezed Clarke’s hand.

“Aww, so sweet,” Clarke smiled as she kissed Lexa’s knucked before putting their joined hands in her lap. 

“Hey, Clarke?” Lexa asked an hour later as she turned down the music.

“Yes, Lexa?” she responded. 

“Will you tell me about why you don’t drink very much anymore?” Lexa asked tentatively. 

“Well, I-” Clarke stuttered.

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to,” Lexa squeezed Clarke’s hand, hoping she didn’t ruin the mood in the car since they still had about 7 hours to go. 

“No, I want to,” Clarke assured her, “I have to at some point, don’t I?” She smirked, knowing Lexa would recognize the words as her from a few hours ago. “One day I was drinking, and it got really bad. O and Rae were mad at me, and they stormed out of the house. I just kept drinking. At the time, I didn’t really know how to stop myself, but I do now. Anyway, I ended up basically puking my guts out, right there in Bellamy’s living,” she couldn’t help but laugh at herself in embarrassment, despite the rather sad story she was telling, “I’m pretty sure I died or passed out. Well, I passed out then and almost died later from alcohol poisoning. Bellamy panicked when he found me a little while later, and he called the ambulance. They did some tests and what not, I want to rehab, and ta-da.”

“I’m sorry about that,” Lexa said genuinely.

“It’s not like it’s your fault,” Clarke chuckled.

“It’s not?” Lexa had felt like it was her fault, and she was surprised Clarke didn’t blame her.

“Sure, I was angry and beyond sad, but it was my choice to drink that night. It was my choice to drink that much,” Clarke shrugged.

“What happened after all that?” Lexa asked, knowing Clarke didn’t just magically get better.

“Well, Bellamy got really protective and overbearing,” Clarke admitted, and she heard Lexa make a noise of complaint which made her chuckle, “he started controlling what I ate, what I cooked, what I did.”

“That’s awful,” Lexa sympathized as she rubbed Clarke’s knuckles. She had no idea that Clarke had gone through all that hell. Of course, Lexa struggled as well, but it was nowhere near as bad. 

“He drove me mad,” Clarke chucked even though the situation wasn’t funny at all, “I would pull out my hair in frustration and dehydrate myself in tears most nights.”

Lexa made a noise that seemed to me a mix between a gasp and a sob, and Lexa wondered how Clarke talked about it like it was nothing. “Eventually, Octavia basically told her brother to fuck off, and he apologized and admitted he was wrong. He beat himself up about what he did for a while too,” Clarke said.

“What about you?” Lexa asked, wanting to know more about Clarke’s dark time. 

“Octavia took me to a hospital because she and Raven thought something was wrong. They diagnosed me as depressed, but I’m not sure if they meant I was depressed at the time or clinically depressed, they weren’t very clear. They put me on antipsychotics, antidepressants, some sleeping medications for nighttime, and adderall for the day.”

Lexa couldn’t help but feel awful about the hell Clarke went through. Clarke had been in yet another toxic relationship, and Lexa made a silent promise to herself that she would never let herself be that kind of person.

“I’m off all the medicine now except the antidepressants, but I just take them when I feel unmotivated,” Clarke shrugged.

“When was the last time you took one?” Lexa asked. 

“Sometime around the engagement party and the breakup, I think,” Clarke said.

“Then it’s been a few months,” Lexa smiled. 

“Yeah, I usually don’t have to take them very often,” Clarke reassured her.

“That’s good,” Lexa smiled wider while rubbing Clarke’s knuckles. 

“Lexa?” Clarke asked after a few moments of silence.

“Yes?” Lexa responded.

“What was your two years like?” she asked.

Lexa thought about it for a while before saying, “A lot of crying, a lot of regret, and a lot of distracting myself.”

“Regret?” Clarke asked curiously.

Lexa nodded before explaining, “I know I had to leave because what we were doing was illegal, but I didn’t have to disappear from your life. I regretted not reaching out, not trying harder. I mean, the whole time I knew where you were, and I just never went.”

“I never thought I’d say this, but thank God Bellamy asked me to marry him,” Clarke chuckled.

“And thank God Octavia and Linc got pregnant,” Lexa agreed with a chuckle.

“Why did you come anyway. I mean, you obviously came for Lincoln and Octavia, but you weren’t even the tiniest bit curious about who Bellamy was marrying, if you knew. Surely you knew I’d be there as well?” Clarke asked. 

“I’m not really sure why, but for some reason, it just slipped my mind you would be there,” Lexa laughed, “Of course, I hoped I’d see you, but it never clicked in my mind that Octavia’s your best friend. Of course you’d be there.”

Clarke just shrugged, “I’m sorry I didn’t talk to you that day.”

“No worries,” Lexa poked Clarke’s side with their intertwined hands, “I get it.”

“You do?” Clarke asked with furrowed brows.

“You didn’t trust me. As far as I know, you still don’t necessarily trust me,” Lexa laughed a little. It hurt for her to admit it, but she was okay with that. She knew Clarke would need time to come around, and Lexa would wait forever for the blonde to trust her again, “I’m just glad you let me tell you my side of the story.”

“Me too,” Clarke agreed as she brought their hands to her mouth and kissed Lexa’s hand.

“Do you mind if I sleep the rest of the way?” Clarke asked sheepishly when they got back in the car after eating lunch.

“No,” Lexa smiled as she leaned over to kiss Clarke’s forehead, “get some sleep.”

“Thanks,” Clarke smiled as she leaned up to kiss Lexa.

“Rest up, Clarke,” Lexa said, and Clarke smiled.

“Drive safe, Lexa,” Clarke said, and she realized she had never really felt safe enough to sleep in a car that wasn’t Octavia and Lincoln’s until now. Maybe… Maybe she did trust Lexa. Maybe some part of her trusted her? Clarke started feeling that familiar feeling of home and safety around the brunette again, and she accepted it with open arms. She was finally home again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We finally get a deeper look into Clarke during her "Dark Time" and Clarke finally knows the full truth about Costia, Lexa, and Costia's death. Also, I know like nothing about medicine, toxic relationships, mental health, etc so I'm sorry if some of this is inaccurate. Most of this is just me messing around and writing what comes to mind, but if something here is blatantly wrong or inaccurate, let me know so I can fix it :)
> 
> So... Uhh... the feedback?.....


	11. That's What I'm Here For

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Lexa reminisce, Lexa and Luna have a chat about Clarke, Clarke and Octavia talk about post-baby plans.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this chapter is hell short compared to my other chapters, but I'm going to write another chapter or two today (not sure if I'll post them today or not). They should be a lot longer because I've had them planned out for a while. Enjoy!

“Clarke,” Clarke heard her name whispered. She grunted in acknowledgement, but she made no other movements to show she was awake. “Clarke,” the voice said again while shaking her shoulders, “We’re here.” Clarke grunted again as she rubbed at her eyes and looked around, still half asleep and confused about what was going on. 

Unfortunately for her, Lexa must’ve noticed the confused look on Clarke’s face, and she laughed. Still, hearing the brunette laugh was enough to make Clarke feel better. “Oh, hi,” Clarke said groggily. 

“Hi,” Lexa smiled as she snickered under her breath.

Clarke rubbed at her eyes again as she sat up and unbuckled herself. “Woah,” Clarke muttered while opening her eyes as wide as she could, still trying to wake herself up. 

“You look like hell,” Lexa chuckled.

“Shut up,” Clarke muttered, “Do you have water?”

Lexa nodded with a smirk as she grabbed water and handed it to Clarke. Clarke drank a few sips before she opened the door to the car, poured some on her hand, and splashed the water in her face. “Okay,” she whispered while shaking her hand out outside the car, “I’m good now.”

“Glad to hear that,” Lexa said as she stepped out of the car to grab Clarke’s bags for her since, despite what the girl said, she still looked out of it. When she made it to the passenger side of the car with the bags, Clarke was wide awake and took them from her.

“I could’ve gotten that,” Clarke huffed.

“Sure,” Lexa nodded along with a smirk. 

“Shut up,” Clarke pushed her playfully. “Thanks for the ride,” she smiled before walking towards the door to Lincoln and Octavia’s apartment. It seemed that she was here first, and she remembered she didn’t have a key yet. 

“Nevermind,” she walked back towards Lexa.

“Did you forget something?” Lexa asked, confused. 

“I don’t have a key, and Octavia and Lincoln aren’t here yet,” Clarke explained.

“Ah,” Lexa sighed in realization, “Get back in.”

“Hm?” Clarke hummed curiously. 

“They’ve gotta be at least an hour behind us, and I’m not gonna make you sit out here doing nothing for an hour,” Lexa said while opening the passenger door for Clarke. 

“Ugh,” Clarke groaned as she got in the car.

“Where to?” Lexa asked as she closed the side door. 

“Hmmm, I have an idea,” Clarke smiled, “but I want it to be a surprise.” She furrowed her eyebrows, not sure how she could surprise Lexa when the older woman would need to know the location to drive them there. 

“Sounds like you’re in a pickle,” Lexa smirked.

“‘A pickle’, Lexa. What are you? Old?” Clarke teased.

“Leave me alone,” Lexa huffed. Clarke chuckled as she bumped Lexa’s shoulder. She then scrolled through her phone, trying to find the location she needed. 

“Aha!” Clarke exclaimed when she found it. She told Lexa the address and practically prayed that the woman didn’t recognize it. 

“I don’t recognize that address,” Lexa noted aloud as she turned the car on, “you sure you’re not taking me there to murder me?”

“Only one way to find out,” Clarke smiled mischievously. 

“That face really didn’t help to ease my worry,” Lexa laughed, but Clarke didn’t miss the unsettled look on Lexa’s face.

“Don’t worry, you’ve been there,” Clarke assured her, “you just don’t recognize the address.”

“If you say so,” Lexa said, unsure as she turned the car on and began driving.

As they got closer, Lexa recognized it. “This fancy ass development,” Lexa snickered as she drove towards where she guessed Clarke really wanted to go. She stopped at the small park, got out, and opened the door for Clarke. 

“Thank you, m’lady,” Clarke smiled as Lexa offered her hand for Clarke. Lexa chuckled as she pulled Clarke up and held her hand as they walked to the spot they had been in last time they were here. 

When they arrived, the sun was setting, and the two of them sat in the grass to watch it. Clarke rested her head on Lexa’s shoulder while Lexa wrapped her arm around Clarke subconsciously. 

The two sat in a comfortable silence and watched as the sun fell out of view while the moon shimmered a thousand times brighter. Lexa turned her head to Clarke and kissed the girl’s forehead. 

“This feels a lot like a date,” Clarke smiled with a laugh.

“Do you want it to be?” Lexa asked with a smirk. 

“Only if you do,” Clarke bumped Lexa’s shoulder playful before relaxing again. 

“In that case, it was a nice date,” Lexa smiled.

“Mhm,” Clarke hummed in agreement as she kissed Lexa’s shoulder. 

“So,” Lexa prompted, “What are we going to tell that dear mother of yours?”

“What do you mean?” Clarke asked.

“Surely she wants to know what we are to each other,” Lexa more asked the said. 

“I told her we were friends who kiss the other day since that’s what we agreed on,” Clarke shrugged.

“Has that changed?” Lexa asked.

“It can if you want it to,” Clarke said, “but I don’t like labels. I think we’ve had enough of them for a while.”

“I agree,” Lexa smiled, happy that Clarke didn’t think she was being pushy. She was only curious. If Clarke had wanted to stop everything right then and there, Lexa would agree. It would be hard, but she’d agree. 

Clarke laid back in the grass, and Lexa slowly followed suit. They both looked at the sky. They both remained silent for a while before Clarke finally broke the silence. “That’s polaris,” she stated while pointing to the north star. Lexa smiled, and she nodded. “Oh! And that’s the little dipper,” she pointed to it, and Lexa’s eyesight followed her finger to find it.

Clarke continued to list off different stars and patterns in the sky while Lexa followed and nodded along until Clarke was eventually silent. “How’d you know all that?” Lexa asked curiously.

“My dad,” she smiled, “he taught me a lot of silly stuff like that.”

Lexa reached for Clarke’s hand and intertwined their fingers. She knew how hard it hit Clarke when her father and brother died; she had been there to see it. Still, she couldn’t help but realize that Clarke knew that of them with a smile and not with tears. 

“I like to think he’d be proud of me,” she muttered after a few more minutes.

“I’m sure he is,” Lexa said sincerely as she squeezed Clarke’s hand.

“He always wanted me to pursue my passion. Not the thing that would make money, but the thing that would make me happy,” Clarke added. 

“He sounds great,” Lexa said, squeezing Clarke’s hand again.

“Yeah,” Clarke said as she quickly wiped at her eyes, “sorry.”

“For what?” Lexa asked as she turned to face Clarke.

“Making the mood all sad,” Clarke chuckled. 

“It wasn’t sad,” Lexa assured her, “it was… reminiscent.”

Clarke nodded and leaned her head on Lexa’s shoulder again as they continued to lay on the ground. Clarke pulled her phone out and sent a quick message to Octavia, asking if she was almost home, before putting her phone down beside her and returning her focus to the beautiful woman lying in the grass with her. 

“Thanks for this,” Clarke said eventually.

“For what?” Lexa asked.

“All of it,” Clarke finally said. 

“All of it?” Lexa asked, still confused. 

“Helping me, being there for me, all that. I almost want to thank you for making that promise to me too, even if you broke it,” Clarke said, and for the first time, she didn’t sound angry or upset when she mentioned the promise.

“Why?” Lexa did her best to look at Clarke, but the angle didn’t make it very easy. 

“In that moment, it’s what I needed. I needed to know someone would be there, even if it was a lie,” Clarke explained, “and even if it was a lie, it made me feel okay which felt like a Godsend at the time.”

“I’m sorry I left,” Lexa apologized. She had apologized for it before, and she’d apologize for it for the rest of her life if it would make Clarke realize she meant it.

“I know you are,” Clarke smiled sadly as she looked up at Lexa, “I get it. It’s just hard to accept I guess.”

“Hard to accept?” Lexa asked.

“That the one person I trusted when I moved her broke the one promise they swore not to break,” Clarke said as she placed a kiss to Lexa’s shoulder, trying not to upset the woman. 

“I’m sor-” Lexa started, but Clarke cut her off. 

“Stop apologizing,” Clarke smiled at her, “It’s okay. As I said, I get it. It just sucks.”

“It just sucks,” Lexa repeated while relaxing her neck, no longer straining to look at Clarke. 

After a few moments of comfortable silence, Clarke’s phone went off, and Clarke announced that Octavia and Lincoln were home. They both walked back to the car, and Lexa drove Clarke back to Octavia and Lincoln’s apartment. 

“Thanks for today,” Clarke smiled as Lexa pulled up outside the building. 

“No problem,” Lexa smiled, “but, to be clear, I still get to take you on a proper date, right?” 

“If that’s what you want,” Clarke smiled as she got out of the car. The windows had been rolled down, so Clarke put her head through it slightly and blew a kiss to Lexa before walking off.

Lexa chuckled to herself before she put her car in drive and drove home. When she arrived, she was surprised to find Luna waiting in front of the door, tapping her foot impatiently, while staring into Lexa’s eyes. She looked like a mother who just found their kid sneaking back into the house at 4am after a party.

“Where have you been?” Luna asked.

“I went to Clarke’s mom’s wedding,” Lexa said while pulling her bags to her room, walking around Luna who just followed her. 

“Why?” Luna asked.

“Because she asked me to go,” Lexa said slowly as she stated it matter-of-factly.

“So you seriously went to her mom’s wedding,” Luna asked as she continued her investigation.

“Yes. Anya was going there with Raven too, so it’s not like I was alone,” Lexa explained.

“So everyone was invited except me?” Luna asked.

“Look, I would’ve invited you but it wasn’t my place. Anya and I only went because Clarke and Raven chose us as their plus ones,” Lexa explained, feeling a little bad about leaving her friend all alone while she was gone.

“You didn’t even think to tell me you were leaving?” Luna asked, sounding upset more than anything now.

“I’m sorry, okay,” Lexa apologized, feeling beyond bad right now, “It slipped my mind.”

“Lexa, we’ve lived together for 8 years now! How does something like that ‘slip your mind’!” Luna yelled. “I was worried,” she whispered under her breath.

Lexa sighed before she pulled Luna into a hug. Surprisingly, the woman didn’t pull away, and she hugged Lexa back. “I’m sorry I worried you.”

“It’s okay,” Luna said as she abruptly pulled away from the hug.

“So,” Luna drawled after a while as she sat on Lexa’s bed and watched her unpack her stuff from the trip, “What’s all that about Clarke picking you as her plus one?”

Lexa sighed as she realized she should probably take this opportunity to tell Luna what’s going on. “Clarke and I are kind of together,” Lexa explained, “but kind of not.”

“How the hell does that even work?” Luna asked, “Do you just hit and run?”

“Luna!” she exclaimed to her friend, “No.”

“Then what is it?” Luna asked.

“She called it friends who kiss which I guess is an accurate description,” Lexa shrugged. She was being kind of go-with-the-flow with this because anything she could get with Clarke -friendship, relationship, friends with benefits- would be better than nothing with Clarke. “She said she’s tired of labels,” Lexa added.

“Makes sense,” Luna shrugged, “I’m not a label person myself, either.”

“I’ve realized,” Lexa laughed.

“Just don’t go getting your heartbroken, okay?” Luna said as she squeezed Lexa’s shoulder.

“That’s why we’re taking it slow, Lun,” Lexa said back.

Luna removed her hand from Lexa’s shoulder and smiled, “Good. Then I guess I’m happy for you and blondie.”

Lexa smiled happily at her friend, “Thanks, Lun. Your support means a lot.”

“Yeah, yeah yeah,” Luna said as she stood up from Lexa’s bed, “enough sappiness. What do you want for dinner? I’m paying.”

“Hmmm,” Lexa hummed in though, knowing better than to argue with Luna about who would pay, “Pizza?”

“You read my mind,” Luna laughed as she grabbed her phone and ordered for the two of them.

\------------------------

“Clarke!” Octavia yelled from her room.

“Yes, O?” Clarke asked. She had just finished unpacking, and she really just wanted to go to sleep. 

“Can you come here?” she called, and Clarke grunted as she walked to her friend’s room. 

“Yes?” Clarke asked as she walked in, “Where’s Lincoln?”

“Picking up food, now come here and lie down,” Octavia ordered, and Clarke followed her instructions. Both girls laid on their backs, facing the ceiling. “I- could you- could you maybe stay here a while?” Octavia asked, sounding nervous for Clarke’s answer. 

Clarke had been looking into affordable places, and the only option she had found so far was a dorm room. She wanted to avoid dorm rooms at all costs, but she also didn’t want to be in her friend’s way after her baby was born. 

“What do you mean?” Clarke asked. 

“It’s just that,” she paused to turn her head to look at Clarke, “Lincoln has a deployment coming up, and he can’t get out of it. He tried; he even pulled the ‘my fiance’s pregnant and I want to be there. Still, they're making him go because ‘he signed a contract’ or whatever.”

“That’s bullshit,” Clarke noted, “Doesn’t he have family leave?” 

“I think so, but they said that he didn’t put it in advance. Like, sorry I can’t decide when the baby wants to drop out of me,” Octavia said sarcastically which made Clarke laugh. 

“Point is,” Octavia began again, “There’s no way in hell I can raise a kid with Lincoln not here. I figured that if you just stayed here a while, you could help. You don’t have to obviously! It’s just that you already have experience with babies while I’ve practically never seen one in my life. Oh my god, was this a bad idea.” Octavia continued rambling until Clarke chuckled and cut her off.

“Octavia, I would love to stay here with you and help in whatever way possible,” Clarke reassured her, and she saw Octavia exhale a breath of relief, “and I’m sure you’ll be an amazing mother. You got Madi to fall in love with you after only knowing you for a few hours. You’ll do great.”

“Thanks Clarke,” Octavia exhaled a heavy breath.

“How long will Lincoln be gone?” Clarke asked.

“Not sure, but I know he’s pissed. He found out about it on the drive, and I’m pretty sure it’s why he offered to pick up food. He’s blowing off steam.”

“I’d be angry if I was him too. It’s his first kid, and he probably won’t even get to be there for their birth. He could even miss the first few months,” Clarke spoke aloud, feeling her heart break for Lincoln. She couldn’t imagine being in his shoes.

“Yeah,” Octavia sighed, “We promised to facetime everyday, so he can see the little one. It won’t be the same though.”

“It won’t,” Clarke agreed while kissing her friend’s temple.

“Thanks for being here, Clarkie,” Octavia said with a smile.

“It’s the least I can do for you after you and Rae put up with all my high school bullshit,” Clarke laughed.

“And your ongoing college shit,” Octavia added with a smirk.

“And my ongoing college shit,” Clarke nodded in agreement with a chuckle.

“I’m home!” They heard Lincoln yell from the kitchen.

“In our room, babe!” Octavia yelled.

“Hey,” he smiled at Octavia as he kissed her and her stomach which made Clarke’s heart soar for the two of them. She loved that even though she knew Lincoln was angry with the world, he didn’t take it out on Octavia.

“I got Subway since we’ve been eating pretty shit recently,” Lincoln laughed as he sat on the other side of Octavia.

“Ooo,” Octavia smiled, “just what I’ve been craving.”

“How’d you know my order?” Clarke asked as she looked at the food Lincoln handed her.

“I pay attention,” she smiled with a shrug as he took a bite of his own sub.

The trio ate their meals with small talk before Clarke finally excused herself to give the couple some alone time. She also really wanted to sleep now. Her nap in Lexa’s car only seemed to make her more tired, and the second her head hit her pillow, she was out like a light.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uhh... Feedback? :)


	12. A Distant Memory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke does some digging into her past and makes an insane discover that could change the dynamics in her life. For the better?

_ “Clarke! Clarke! Look!” Clarke heard her cousin yell. She looked in the direction of her cousin and saw Wells hanging upside down on a tree branch.  _

_ “Wells!” Clarke yelled in a fit of giggles.  _

_ “Look at what I can do!” he stuck his tongue out as he dropped from the tree and landed on his feet. _

_ Clarke ran to her older brother and punched his shoulder hard, especially for a 6 year old. “You scared me!” Clarke yelled at him. _

_ “Sorry,” he apologized while petting Clarke’s hair which always brought a smile to her face. _

_ “Hey, Ria?” Clarke asked her cousin. _

_ “What?” Ria replied. _

_ “Do you want to play soccer?” she asked her cousin. _

_ Clarke and Ria were only a few months apart, Clarke being older, and the two of them had been close since they were infants. They had acted more like sisters than cousins, and their families always tried to spend as much time together as possible.  _

_ The two ran to a small soccer field in Clarke and Wells’ backyard and the two started kicking the ball back and forth. At this point, Wells had gone inside because he knew that sports were Clarke’s forte while he excelled at mental games.  _

_ After passing the ball around for a while and scoring on each other a few times, Ria spoke up. “Clarke?” she asked. _

_ “Yeah?” she smiled as she trapped the ball under her foot. _

_ “I think my daddy is really sad,” she admitted sadly. _

_ “Why do you think that?” Clarke asked as she passed the ball to her cousin. _

_ Even at such a young age, Clarke knew Ria better than anyone. She knew that when she was upset, she was the type to go on runs or kick a ball before she even thought about crying, and Clarke accepted that. So, instead of comforting her cousin, she continued to kick the ball with her as she confided in Clarke. _

**_****TW: Suicidal thoughts****_ **

_ She told Clarke about how she had seen her dad looking, what could only be explained as longingly, at guns. She explained that he fell down the deep hole that is alcohol, and she mentioned that her parents fought all the time now.  _

**_********_ **

_ She knew Ria wasn’t telling her this for pity or sympathy. She was telling Clarke all of this because they told each other everything from what they ate to breakfast to what they were feeling.  _

_ “Hey, Clarke?” Ria asked after she was silent for a while. _

_ “Yes, Ria?” Clarke asked. _

_ “Do you think we’ll always be friends?” she asked uncertainly as she kicked the ball back to Clarke.  _

_ “I’ll always be here for you, Ria, even if we’re miles apart,” Clarke said with an enviably child-like innocence.  _

_ “I love you, Clarkie.” _

_ “I love you too, Ria.” _

Clarke jumped out of bed as she blinked her eyes excessively. She tried to focus her mind on Ria. She had forgotten all about her younger cousin. Honestly, she had wondered if Ria had been an imaginary friend when she never saw the girl again, and she told herself that she should just forget her.

Still, Clarke couldn’t shake the memories that awoke from the dream. All the memories she had. Ria had been her father’s brother’s daughter. When her uncle killed himself, both families stopped making efforts to see each other. 

For her aunt, it was too hard to see her father without being reminded of her uncle, and for Jake, Polis only reminded him of his brother and other family members. So, the families never spoke again. 

“Clarke! Get up! We have to get to classes!” Octavia yelled as she banged on her friend's door. Clarke groaned as she wrote a note in her phone to find out about Ria. Now that she was sure the girl was real, she was going to keep her promise to always be there for the girl, and she was disappointed that it took her this long to make good on that. 

Clarke quickly threw on some clothes, brushed her teeth, and did something with her hair as she ran to the kitchen to make some eggs and toast for Lincoln, Octavia, and herself before the trio split up for the daily activities. 

Once they had eaten, Clarke and Octavia said goodbye to Lincoln as they started walking to class. When they met up with Raven, Octavia stopped abruptly as her eyes widened.

“What is it?” Raven asked, a little panicked.

Octavia was about 8 months along now, and everyone was on edge about when her baby would be born. Quite frankly, Clarke had worried that Octavia was going into labor right there, and she’d have to practically carry her friend back to her house to go to the hospital.

“I’m literally fatter than a whale,” Octavia teared up, “What if people make fun of me?”

“Oh, O,” Clarke cooed as she pulled her friend into a hug, “You’re gorgeous. Anyone who makes fun of you just wishes they were you with your perfect looks and perfect family.”

“And perfect friends,” Raven added with a smirk.

“And perfect friends,” Clarke agreed with a smile.

“Wait,” Octavia said, obviously having moved past the previous point, “What if my water breaks in class?” she continued to panic.

“The odds of that happening are like… one in a million, O,” Clarke assured her.

“That’s not zero,” Octavia huffed.

“You’ll be fine,” Clarke assured her as she pulled her friend along.

She was actually excited to start her Junior year of college because she was one step closer to graduating. She was also excited because in her two most important classes, art and music, she was keeping the same teachers as last year. 

Clarke quickly went to her English class, a new course she decided on taking this year to replace the history one she had taken last year. She had made the dumb choice of doing psychology and history, so she promised herself that this year, she’d get rid of history and do Literature.

Today, as expected, was syllabus day, and the teacher informed them that they’d be taking a quiz on the syllabus next week. Clarke couldn’t help but roll her eyes as she realized they’d be having a test the first week of school, but what did she expect?

She was dismissed soon after that, and she checked the time. In the previous weeks leading up to the beginning of school, Clarke and Lexa had shared the schedules with each other so they knew what times would be appropriate to talk to each other. She saw that the time was 11:00, and she groaned as she realized she needed to wait at least another hour before Lexa would be on her lunch break and available to talk.

Luckily, Clarke had prepared for this, so she had put her next class, trigonometry, was from 11:15 to 12:15. She knew it would be a tight squeeze, but at least her lunch would line up with Lexa’s. 

Clarke just made it in time with a few minutes to spare, and she smiled as she realized that her plan would work out. As long as her literature class never ran too long, she could make this work. Based on the literature teacher's rather laid back vibe, she hoped it wouldn’t be too hard. 

Clarke sat through her class and actually enjoyed it for the most part. Math was never her favorite subject, but she had taken it again this year to help with her art. She had got a double major in drawing and music production with a minor in psychology. She figured she had taken on a lot, but she also knew all of these were her passion. There’s no way she wouldn’t enjoy her courses.

When she finally got out of trig, she had a page full of notes that she tucked into her bag before walking to the dedicated study area. It was quite large and had a few cafes and quiet places to sit down and study and eat. Clarke found a small bench in a corner that she sat at as she checked the time. She figured it was an okay time to text Lexa, so she smiled and began typing.

**Clarke:** _ Hey :) _

**Lexa:** _ Hey _

Clarke smiled when Lexa’s response was practically immediate, and she continued typing. 

**Clarke:** _ How’s your day going? _

**Lexa:** _ Mostly just getting myself set up. A few kids talked to me about switching up their classes because they were messed up or not what they wanted, but it was mostly chill. Yours? _

**Clarke:** _ Pretty boring. Mostly syllabus stuff _

**Lexa:** _ Bleh I hated syllabus stuff _

**Clarke:** _ That explains a lot LOL _

**Lexa:** _ You free to call?  _

Clarke smiled, beyond excited to talk to Lexa. Instead of answering, she called Lexa who picked up after the second ring. “Hey,” Clarke smiled into the phone, not that Lexa could see.

“ _ Hey, you _ ,” Lexa said, and Clarke could see her smile through her voice.

“I’ve got a question,” Clarke stated, but made no move to ask it.

“ _ Ask away _ ,” Lexa said.

Throughout her classes and the walks between them, she had been thinking about how to get into contact with Ria. That’s when she remembered that Lexa had grown in Polis, just like Ria. It was possible that Lexa knew Ria if she was indeed a real person and not Clarke’s imagination.

“Well, I had this cousin in Polis; the daughter of my uncle that killed himself,” Clarke explained, and she heard Lexa hum as if to say she knew who Clarke was talking about, “Well, I can’t remember her real name for the life of me, but I always called her Ria. She grew up in Polis, so I thought she might’ve been in the area. Her last name was Griffin-Queen. I know that.”

“ _ Hmm _ ,” Lexa hummed in thought, “ _ I didn’t really know many people below my grade, and assuming she’s your age, we were never in school at the same time _ ,” Clarke sighed sadly through the phone. “ _ but I can do some digging,” _ Lexa assured her.

“Really?” Clarke asked, all too excited.

“ _ She sounds important _ ,” Lexa remarked, “ _ I’ll do what I can _ .”

“You’re the absolute best!” Clarke exclaimed happily before covering her mouth as people in the general area looked at her like she was crazy. 

“ _ I don’t know about all that, but I’m glad you think so _ ,” Lexa smiled, and Clarke couldn’t help but smile as well.

“I’m gonna let you go to eat your meal, and I’m gonna eat mine,” Clarke said.

“ _ Okay _ ,” Lexa agreed, understanding that Clarke probably had a lot to do just as she did. “ _ I’ll talk to you after we’re out of school? _ ” Lexa offered, laughing as she remembered they’re both in a school.

“Of course,” Clarke smiled as she said goodbye and ended the call. She then ordered some food from the nearby cafe and began reading over her notes and syllabus from the classes she had already been in.

\----------------

After hanging up with Clarke, Lexa wasted no time in calling the only person she could think of, her father.

“Hey, Dad,” she smiled as her dad picked up the phone.

“ _ Hey, Pumpkin. What’s up?” _ he asked.

“I need you to look up a line for me,” Lexa stated instead of asked.

“ _ Rather demanding today, are we?” _ he chuckled as she heard him typing on his computer.

“It’s for someone important,” Lexa assured him.

“ _ Is it that blonde girl you’ve been telling me about for years now, _ ” he chuckled.

“Maybe,” Lexa huffed, hating how easily her father read her, “Will you do it?”

“ _ Of course, _ ” he smiled, “ _ Give me the name _ .”

“I couldn’t get a full name, but I’ve got a last name, location, and age,” Lexa told him.

“ _ That should be good enough _ ,” he assured her.

“Thanks again for this,” Lexa said.

“ _ No problem, anything to make my daughter as happy as possible, _ ” he said, and Lexa felt her heart burst.

“Alright, the last name is Griffin-Queen, age is about 20, and the location of birth is Polis. Though, I suppose she could be anywhere now,” Lexa explained.

“ _ I’ve got an Ontari Griffin-Queen, age 20, born and raised in Polis. Mother is Nia Queen, father is Bradley Griffin, deceased,” _ her father explained. 

“That sounds about right. Do you have a location on her now?” Lexa asked, overly hopeful that this was the woman.

“ _ Santa Monica. Only about 15 minutes from you now. It’s a miracle she ended up on the East Coast _ ,” her father explained with a chuckle.

“Do you have a number?” Lexa asked.

He began giving her the number, and Lexa quickly jotted it down on paper. “You’re the best!” Lexa exclaimed, “Bye, Dad! I gotta go tell her!”

“Bye, honey. Go get your girl!” he exclaimed, overjoyed for his daughter.

Wasting no time, Lexa checked the time to ensure that now would be an okay time to call and called Clarke.

“I know you said you wanted to eat,” Lexa apologized, feeling a little bad for calling Clarke, “but I think I found who you’re looking for.”

“ _ Already _ ?” Clarke exclaimed incredulously.

“Already,” Lexa smirked in confirmation.

“ _ Alright, whatcha go _ t?” Clarke asked skeptically.

“Ontari Griffin-Queen. Mother is Nia Queen; father is Bradley Griffin?” Lexa stated her information, asking Clarke if that was the right person.

“ _ Holy shit,” _ Clarke breathed, “ _ That’s her. How the hell did you find her?” _

“Being the incredibly spoiled daughter of a CEO has its perks,” Lexa smirked.

“ _ You asked your dad for help?” _ Clarke exclaimed.

“Yeah,” Lexa said, not seeing a problem with it.

_ “Now he’s going to think I’m a gold digger or something _ ,” Clarke sighed, and Lexa practically heard Clarke dramatically put her face in her hands. 

“Clarke, he doesn’t think about you like that,” Lexa assured her in a gentle tone, immediately calming Clarke. 

“ _ How do you know that _ ?” Clarke asked, still sounding worried.

“He’s been rooting for us since you were still a minor,” Lexa laughed, almost disgusted to remember that her father actually did that.

“ _ What _ ?” Clarke asked, completely mind boggled _. _

“Of course he wanted you to be legal, but he wanted me to be happy. He thought you could do that,” Lexa explained.

“ _ You’re telling me you’ve known you had feelings for me since I was still 17? _ ” Clarke asked, a slight smirk in her tone.

“Leave me alone,” Lexa grunted.

“ _ Don’t worry, I think I liked you since day one, even when I was a bitchy asshole,” _ Clarke assured her with a laugh.

“Good,” Lexa smiled with a slight laugh, “Anway, I might have her number and city as well.”

“ _ What _ ?” Clarke asked, sounding like she was going to cry.

“Please don’t cry,” Lexa almost panicked.

“ _ This is the nicest thing anyone’s ever done for me _ ,” Clarke said sadly, and Lexa’s heart broke for her.

“Do you want her number or city?” Lexa asked.

“ _ Hmm both _ ?” Clarke asked with a smirk.

“She lives in Santa Monica right now,” Lexa smiled, knowing Clarke would be thrilled with the information. She then listed off the number when Clarke was ready, and she heard Clarke squeal excited.

“ _ You’re the absolute best!” _ Clarke exclaimed again.

“I’m glad you’re happy,” Lexa said with a smile. “Just don’t forget about me,” Lexa laughed through the phone.

“ _ I could never _ ,” Clarke assured her, and the reassurance made Lexa’s heart soar.

“Okay, now I really have to go,” Lexa said apologetically, “Bye!”

“ _ Thank you! _ ” Clarke yelled before Lexa hung up.

\----------------

Clarke stared at the number and city. She couldn’t decide whether she wanted to go to the city and meet her in person or if she wanted to text her. If she texted her, she might think she was creepy, but it would also show that Clarke had done some digging to find her. However, she showed up in the city, which would require the patience to walk around all of Santa Monica until she found someone who resembled her cousin that she hadn’t seen in 14 years. 

In the end, she decided that she’d just text her. What were the odds that she’d even recognize her cousin after all these years? Even if she did, who’s to say she wouldn’t resent Clarke for not trying to find her sooner?

**Unknown:** _ Hey, this is Clarke Griffin. Is this… Ria? _

Clarke had decided to use Ria to confirm that it was indeed Clarke. As far as Clarke knew, Ontari’s immediately family and Clarke were the only ones that were allowed to call her Ria.

**Ontari:** _ Is this some kind of sick joke? How the hell did you get my number, creep? _

Clarke had to laugh. Even as young children, Ontari had always had an attitude and was never afraid to speak her mind. She was like… if Luna and Raven had a baby. She had Luna’s aloofness and boldness with Raven’s sarcasm and bitchiness. Maybe it’s why she was so easily able to make friends with them?

**Unknown:** _ It’s not a creep. It’s really Clarke Griffin _

**Ontari:** _ Clarke Griffin is dead _

Clarke gasped. How had she gotten that idea. Why on Earth would Ontari think Clarke was dead?

**Unknown:** _ Please, let me meet up and prove it to you. Bring as many people as you need to feel safe. Let me prove it and explain _

**Ontari:** _ Fucking creep, I’m going to block you! _

Clarke was SOL and there was only one thing she could think of that would make Ontari truly believe that it might be Clarke.

**Unknown:** _ I remember when we were six, and we started to play soccer. You confided in me about your dad, and a few months later, he jumped off of Polis tower. _

**Ontari:** _ How the fuck did you know that. That’s private, asshole! _

**Unknown:** _ It’s Clarke for christ sake you stubborn bitch! I’m not dead! _

**Ontari:** _ Meet me at the Starbucks in Beverly Hills. Be there in 2 hours or I’m blocking you. _

Clarke panicked. There’d be no one to drive her. Not to mention, she wasn’t sure if her mind would let her talk to Ontari. Would it register that she trusted the girl? She hoped so, because a silent Clarke wouldn’t be much help. 

She quickly dialed the only person she could think of, Raven. “Hey, Rae,” Clarke said.

“ _ Hey, Clarkie. What’s up? _ ” Raven asked into the phone.

“I need you to drive me to Beverly Hills,” Clarke said, “I know you’re done with classes today anyway.”

“Okay,” Raven said skeptically, “I trust you’ll fill me in during the drive.”

“The best I can,” Clarke assured her. 

Raven hung up, and Clarke knew that was because Raven was speeding to get to Clarke. She walked to the main road, so it would be easier for Raven to find her. 

Her friend showed up a few minutes later, and Clarke jumped into the front seat. She quickly typed the location into google maps for Raven and she began explaining. She started with her dream and then all the other memories that came back to her that morning. She then told her about how Lexa had even roped her father into it to figure out who Clarke’s long-lost cousin was.

“Wait, so our Lexa Woods is the daughter of Gustus Woods, CEO of Woods Corps?” Raven asked in disbelief.

“Yes, but that’s not the point. Focus!” Clarke yelled at her friend through her laughter. She finished off her explanation by telling Raven about her conversation with Ontari and their eventual agreement on a location to meet up.

“She sounds fierce,” Raven remarked, “I like her already.”

Clarke smiled as they pulled up to the Starbucks. Clarke jumped out the car and signalled for Raven to stay. “I need to do this alone,” Clarke said.

“I’ll wait here for you,” Raven said, understanding Clarke’s need to do this by herself.

“Thank you, Rae,” Clarke said honestly, and Raven nodded.

Clarke made her way to the outdoor tables. It was still warm out, and she vaguely remembered Ontari’s love for the outdoors. She soon spotted a dark-haired woman sitting straight-backed in a corner with her head turned away from Clarke. Sensing Clarke’s presence, the woman looked up, and Clarke knew, immediately, that it was indeed her cousin. “Ria?” Clarke asked with wide eyes that slowly filled with tears.

“Y-yo-you-you’re y-y-y-ou,” Ontari stuttered out in disbelief as she stood up.

“What gave it away?” Clarke chuckled, “the blonde hair?”

“You’re eyes,” Ontari said as she slowly approached Clarke. To Clarke’s surprise, Ontari pulled her into a big hug, and Clarke easily hugged her back. The two broke down into tears.

Clarke couldn’t help but whisper, “I told you I’d always find you.” Clarke had many fond memories of telling Ontari that they’d always find their way back to each other. She had hoped that Ontari remembered them.

“H-How?” Ontari muttered as she pulled away from the hug and held onto Clarke’s shoulders. “Nia said you were dead. That’s why you stopped visiting,” Ontari explained with a puzzled look.

“We stopped visiting because my dad couldn’t bear to go back to Polis, and my dad reminded your mom of your dad,” Clarke explained, and Ontari choked on air as the realization hit her.

“I should’ve known that bitch lied,” Ontari seethed.

“Nia?” Clarke asked, wondering why Ontari would call her mom a bitch.

“She became a manipulative asshole after my dad died. I should’ve known she lied about your death,” Ontari sighed sadly as she sat down and sipped the coffee she ordered.

“I’m sorry we never went back,” Clarke apologized.

“It’s not your fault,” Ontari assured her.

The two talked for ages. Both told their entire life stories while catching up with each other. Clarke had left out some of the darker stuff like her father and brother’s death and her “Dark Time” because she didn’t want to overwhelm Ontari.

However, Ontari didn’t hold back. Ontari spoke about how her mother used to cut Ontari up in anger. It was then that Clarke noticed the scars along Ontari’s face, and she gasped in anger and surprise. Ontari told her about Nia using her for whatever she wanted, and Ontari went along with it until she was eventually taken from child protective services. Clarke recognized that it happened around the time her parents were getting a divorce, and she figured that’s why her parents couldn’t take Ontari.

“Why didn’t your parents take me in?” Ontari asked.

“They were getting divorced,” Clarke shrugged.

“Really? I always thought they’d last forever,” Ontari sighed sadly.

“Me too,” Clarke agreed.

“Where is everyone anyway? Wells, your father, Charlotte? They’ve gotta be so old now,” Ontari sounded so excited, that Clarke couldn’t fathom having to tell Ontari the truth, but she did.

“My dad and Wells died in a car accident two years ago. I broke my leg, my arm, and developed selective mutism,” Clarke explained. She had decided to tell Ontari about all the shit of the time now instead of delaying it.

“Fuck,” Ontari said with tears in her eye, “I’m sorry.”

“It’s whatever,” Clarke shrugged, “I’ve moved on. Of course I miss them, but you’ve just gotta move on. Right?” 

“Right,” Ontari agreed as she sipped her coffee.

“I have another sister now, too,” Clarke piped up after sipping on the coffee she ordered earlier.

“Really? Biological, half, or step?” Ontari asked.

“Biological. She’s 11 now,” Clarke smiled.

“I’d love to meet her sometime,” Ontari said shyly, hoping she wasn’t crossing any boundaries.

“I’m sure she’d love to meet you. Charlotte won’t remember you, but I think she’d like to get to know you too,” Clarke reassured her.

“Great,” Ontari sighed in relief as she sipped her coffee again.

“I tell you what, I’ll ask my mom if you can come for Thanksgiving in November?” Clarke offered, “Until then, we can meet up like this and get to know each other again.”

“Yeah, sure,” Ontari smiled.

“Hey Clarke?” she asked after it was quiet. Clarke couldn’t help but smile nostalgically as she remembered Ontari asking her questions the same way when they were younger.

“Yeah, Ria,” Clarke replied, “It’s okay if I still call you that, right?”

“Only you,” Ontari said with a smile, but she still sounded serious. Clarke smiled back, allowing Ontari to ask her question. “Why didn’t you look for me sooner?” Ontari asked, “I never looked for you because I thought you were dead, so that’s my excuse.”

“I honestly thought my mind made you up,” Clarke chuckled, “I thought you were my imaginary friend, and my parents convinced me of it as well. I guess they thought it would hurt less.”

“Why’d you look for me now, then?” she asked.

“I had a dream, and so many memories came back. It all felt so real, so I did some digging and discovered that you are, indeed, a real person,” Clarke chuckled a little.

“Okay,” Ontari sighed sadly, “that makes sense.”

“I missed you,” Clarke admitted, “I missed my partner in crime.”

“I missed mine too,” Ontari smiled.

“Sorry to ruin the reunion,” Raven said as she inserted herself into the conversation, “but we’ve got to go.”

“Who’s this?” Ontari asked.

“Ontari, this is my best friend, Raven. Raven, my cousin, Ontari,” Clarke introduced them.

“Nice to meet you and all,” Raven said while offering a genuine smile, “but we’ve got to go.” she repeated it, and Clarke was suddenly curious what had Raven so ready to leave.

“What’s going on?” Clarke asked.

“Octavia’s water broke.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uhhhh, On God, Clontari brotp where Ontari is actually a decent human being GIVES ME LIFE
> 
> Feedback :)


	13. The Little Things

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The group gets together to meet Octavia's baby. Clarke has some subtle revelations about her and Lexa's relationship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just posted a new story on Wattpad! New updates might be slow because I just started writing it, but it's called "365 Days to Spy" If anyone's interested in reading. My name there is the same as it is here XD. In case you want some insight before you read it, it's Clexa and Octaven endgame and eventual Clanya brotp. The story itself is Mafia-related and it's a little dark at times, but it's possibly my favorite story next to this one already O_O

Much to Raven and my own dismay, Lincoln had left that morning for deployment. My heart broke for the guy, knowing how much, more than anything, he wanted to meet his baby girl or boy. 

I quickly said goodbye to Ontari and promised her that we’d continue to talk. She understood my rush to leave and wish Octavia the best which made me smile. Despite everything she went through, Ontari was still the Ria I remembered. 

She had no one else to drive her, so we raced to her truck and sped to Octavia’s house. Raven was speeding so fast and panicking so much that Clarke was hyperventilating, begging her to slow down while Raven was too enveloped in her panic to listen. In the end, they made the usual 10 minute drive in about 3 minutes. 

Clarke practically jumped out of the car and got on all fours in the grass. She hated that being in cars had that big of an effect on her. She panted into her chest for a few minutes, trying to calm her breathing.

“Sorry, Clarke! I’m really sorry!” she heard Raven yell as she raced into her house to get her friend. 

Clarke simply nodded. She understood her friend’s panic, and she didn’t blame Raven for racing home. In fact, Clarke should’ve expected it and prepared herself for it. Still, it didn’t change the fact that it had her shaken for a few moments. 

When she collected herself, Clarke ran into the room and collected the baby bag Lincoln and Octavia had packed, knowing Octavia would go into labor any moment now. Technically, she was a month early, but it wasn’t entirely uncommon. Clarke, knowing a bit about babies thanks to her mom, realized that Octavia was just about 37 weeks along, so the baby could be considered premature and may have problems in the future. Clarke decided it was best not to worry Octavia about that though.

She tossed the baby bag into Raven’s truck and ran back inside to help Raven and Octavia get to the truck. “Holy Fuck. That was so weird!” Octavia complained.

Clarke heard Raven laugh hysterically as she ran to the other side of Octavia and helped her to the car. Unfortunately, Raven’s truck had a bench front seat, so the three of them would be squished in the front. They put Octavia in the middle, so the other two girls could get out first and help her.

“It felt like I was pissing myself,” Octavia laughed, and Clarke couldn’t get over the fact that Octavia was laughing while in labor, “That would’ve been hella embarrassing if I was in class.”

Clarke and Raven couldn’t help but laugh as Raven started the car. Clarke quickly sent a message to everyone in their friend group, alerting them that Octavia was in labor. Lincoln sent a long string of curses, and everyone attempted to make him feel better. They weren’t very successful, but at least they tried. Clarke, and almost everyone else, assured him that they’d spam him with pictures and videos. He thanks everyone, but he also pointed out that it wouldn’t be the same as holding his kid. No one could argue with that. 

Octavia kept complaining about how she wished Lincoln could’ve been there, but she was glad that she at least had Clarke and Raven to help her out. Clarke also realized that Bellamy would be there, and it would be the first time she’d seen him since the break up. 

Oddly, Clarke wasn’t worried or nervous. She was excited to see her friend again. She was past the sadness of breaking off a long-term relationship, and she was ready to rebuild their friendship. 

When they finally reached the hospital, someone came to their side, immediately understanding what must be going on. They helped Octavia into a wheelchair and wheeled her into a room where she could give labor.

“Okay, you’re about 5 centimeters dilated, so we still have a little while to go. Your friends can hang around until then, but you’re only allowed to have one person in the room with you. Do you have someone picked out to stay?” the woman asked.

Octavia looked between her friends, as if she couldn’t pick. “Is it okay if I pick Raven?” she directed the question at Clarke. Clarke had expected Octavia to pick Raven. They had been friends for years, and she bet that Raven’s sarcastic quips would be just what Octavia needed. 

“Of course. It’s your choice, O,” Clarke responded, and Octavia smiled appreciatively. 

“Okay, we’ll check in every hour or so. If anything happens, let us know,” she said with a smile as she left the room. 

“Does it hurt?” Raven asked, sounding oddly excited.

“Not really. It’s a little uncomfortable though,” she admitted as she shifted around a bit. 

A few seconds later, Bellamy burst through the door. He froze momentarily when he saw Clarke, but he continued his entrance after the blonde smiled at him. He approached his sister and ran his fingers through her hair. 

“Hey, O,” he smiled at her.

“Hi, Bell,” she smiled back. The two hadn’t seen each other for a while due to the break up, but they never lost touch. Of course, both of them had been busy as well, so it wasn’t entirely due to the break up.

“You don’t sound very nervous,” Bellamy remarked.

“I’m excited,” Octavia smiled.

“She was panicking the other day about motherhood,” Raven exposed her.

“Raven!” Octavia exclaimed. “Okay, maybe I was,” she admitted, “but I’m good now. I got this.”

“You’re not worried anymore?” Bellamy asked.

“Not really. Clarke already agreed to help out, at least until Lincoln camoes back, and she already has baby experience,” Octavia explained, and Bellamy nodded.

“Wait, if Lincoln’s not here, who’s going to stay in here with you when the actual labor happens?” Bellamy asked, unaware of their previous conversation.

“Sorry big brother, but I want Raven to stay,” Octavia told him.

“Thank God!” Bellamy exclaimed, “I love you, O, but that’s not something I want to be in here for.”

The whole room burst into laughter at Bellamy’s reaction. Bellamy, being the overprotective mama bear of the group, was expected to want to stay by his sister’s side, but in hindsight, everyone understood why Bellamy wouldn’t want to be there.

A few minutes later, Anya showed up with Lexa and Luna. Clarke looked between Bellamy and Lexa with wide eyes, realizing she hadn’t told Bellamy about her new… relationship? Lucky, Lexa seemed to get the idea, and she stayed seated by Luna when Anya approached Raven. 

Clarke looked to Lexa who was looking at her as well. Clarke smiled apologetically, and Lexa returned one of understanding. In that moment, Clarke wanted nothing more than to kiss and hug Lexa in thanks. However, she also knew that it would be rude to do that in front of Bellamy, especially so soon after the break up. 

“Hey, Bell?” Clarke finally prompted after a while. If they were going to go back to being friends, he needed to know about Clarke’s relationship with Lexa.

“Yeah?” he asked as he looked away from Octavia.

“Can we talk outside?” she asked, and Bellamy nodded as he left the room with her. 

When they were outside the room, Clarke walked a few steps away and turned a corner, wanting to put some distance between herself and the rest of her friends. She watched as Bellamy turned the corner, following her, before stopping a few steps in front of her. 

“I wanted to tell you something before you heard it from anyone else,” Clarke began, and Bellamy nodded. “Lexa and I kind of started something. 

For a moment, Bellamy looked sad before he perked up and exclaimed, “I knew it! I told you you loved her! I called it!”

Clarke chuckled before saying, “I don’t know if I love her, but I do really like her.”

“I’m glad you found her again,” Bellamy said, “You haven’t been this happy… since I first met you.”

Clarke felt a little guilty. She had gotten in a relationship with Bellamy at a really bad time. In fact, she was sure it was a bad time for both of them. Bellamy had just gotten back from a serious deployment, and Clarke would bet that’s why he acted overly protective of her that first year. “I’m sorry about all of this. The circumstances, the situation-” Clarke began apologizing.

“It’s okay,” Bellamy assured her, “Really. I met someone too.”

“Oh really?” Clarke quirked a curious, playful eyebrow at him, “Who might they be?”

“His name is John Murphy,” he said while rubbing his neck in embarrassment. Clarke had known for a while about Bellamy’s confusion with his sexual orientation. As far as she knew, he had been the only person he confided in. Seeing as Clarke was bisexual as well, Bellamy knew Clarke wouldn’t judge him for it.

“I’d love to meet him sometime,” Clarke smiled.

“He’s really great,” Bellamy smiled dreamily, and Clarke couldn’t help but realize that Bellamy had never looked like that with her. She thought Bellamy might’ve found his person, and she couldn’t be happier for him.

“I’m really happy for you,” she put a careful hand on his shoulder, not wanting to instigate too much physical contact.

“You too,” he smiled back before the two walked back to the hospital room. Clarke looked at a curious Lexa and gave her a reassuring smile. 

While Clarke wanted to sit with Lexa, she knew Octavia might need her right now, and she didn’t want to rub her relationship in Bellamy’s face, even if he was seeing someone too. 

After a few more minutes of the group chatting, the nurse from before walked in again and informed Octavia that she was at about 6 centimeters now. Seeing how slow the labor was progressing, Clarke wondered if she should go back to Octavia’ and clean up the place for her friend. In the end, she decided she’d ask Lexa if she could drive her back.

She walked over to Lexa and whispered, “Can you drive me back to Octavia’s?”

“What for?” Lexa whispered back.

“I was just gonna clean up a bit for her,” Clarke whispered.

“Sure,” Lexa smiled. 

“I’m gonna head back to the apartment for a bit,” Clarke told Octavia, “Lexa’s gonna drive me.”

“Okay,” she said skeptically, “Don’t go too crazy.” Octavia smirked, and Clarke didn’t miss her suggestive tone.

“Fuck off,” Clarke flipped her off as she excited the room with a laughing Lexa in tow. 

Clarke and Lexa got into Lexa’s car, and Clarke immediately leaned over to kiss Lexa. “Sorry I didn’t do that earlier,” Clarke smiled apologetically.

“I get it,” Lexa smiled understandingly as she buckled in, Clarke following suit and doing her usually double and triple check that it was in place.

“How are you so understanding?” Clarke asked with a wide smile.

Lexa simply shrugged and began driving. As usually, Clarke took control of the radio, and she listened to some of the songs that came on, occasionally singing some of them to Lexa’s delight.

When they finally reached Octavia’s house, Clarke and Lexa got out and went inside. After the wedding, Octavia and Lincoln had actually gotten Clarke a key, so getting in wasn’t a problem.

“You don’t have to stay, you know,” Clarke said as she began looking for cleaning supplies. 

“There’s not much to do at the hospital anyway,” Lexa said as she looked around the apartment. 

“Fair enough,” Clarke said, finding the floor cleaner to clean up the fluid from when Octavia’s water broke.

“What can I do to help?” Lexa asked.

“Sit on the couch and look pretty,” Clarke smiled as she continued walking to Octavia’s room.

“Really?” Lexa asked sarcastically, “It will go by faster if we work together.”

“Don’t worry about it. You’ve had a busy day,” Clarke told her.

“So have you,” Lexa pointed out.

“Good point,” Clarke nodded, realizing her previous statement held little weight, “Either way, just relax. We can watch a movie or something when I’m done cleaning.”

Lexa stood in front of Clarke and grabbed her hands to stop her from moving. “Please, let me help?” Lexa asked with those damn puppy dog eyes that Clarke couldn’t refuse.

“Fine,” Clarke huffed, “And I thought I was stubborn.”

Lexa laughed whole-heartedly as she started picking up some of the mess around the apartment while Clarke worked on cleaning Octavia’s floor. When Clarke finished that, she started picking up Octavia and Lincoln’s room. It was pretty neat since Lincoln wasn’t a fan of mess, but there were some food bags and items lying around from earlier meals as well as random school books of Octavia’s. 

Once that was done, Clarke did a deep clean of Octavia’s room to make sure there was nothing that could cause her to trip as well as nothing she’d have to worry about when she got back. She then made her friend's bed and walked back to the main apartment to check on Lexa.

To her surprise, the kitchen was practically spotless, and the living room looked cleaner than it had when they bought the apartment. “Wow, you work hard,” Clarke chuckled, “and fast.”

“I did some reorganizing,” Lexa said sheepishly, “I did my best to baby proof the kitchen and the living room.” Clarke smiled happily at Lexa as she kissed Lexa’s cheek. 

“All that’s left is the bathroom and my room,” Clarke frowned. By now, it had been about 3 hours of just cleaning. Clarke didn’t mind cleaning, but she was getting tired, and she wanted to check on Octavia. “Can you call Raven and ask her for an update?” Clarke asked as she began looking through the cabinets for cleaning the bathroom. 

She vaguely heard Lexa typing on her phone as Clarke entered the bathroom to begin cleaning. She grabbed some outlet covers Lincoln had bought earlier and placed them over any outlets she found as she cleaned. She made sure everything was practically spotless before walking back to the main room. 

“What did Raven say?” The call had been about an hour or two ago, but Lexa hadn’t said anything since Clarke was concentrated on cleaning.

“Last I heard, Octavia was at 7 centimeters, so we’re not missing much,” Lexa informed her, and Clarke nodded.

“All that’s left is my room. Then, we can watch a movie,” Clarke smiled.

“Do you want help?” Lexa asked.

“You’ve already done more than I could’ve asked for,” Clarke smiled, “I got this. Just pick out a movie. My room is pretty clean.”

Lexa reluctantly agreed, and Clarke quietly celebrated. She grabbed the last bit of cleaning supplies and outlet covers she’d need before cleaning up her room and straightening up all the baby stuff that was in it. She covered all the outlets she could and made her way back to the living room.

Clarke knew that they technically didn’t need the outlet covers until the baby was older, but Lincoln and Octavia said they wanted to have everything baby proofed when the baby first got there, so they didn’t have to stress about it in the future. 

Clarke plopped herself down next to Lexa and leaned into her. “Raven texted, Octavia’s at 8 and a half centimeters.”

“Good,” Clarke noted, “her labor’s going by fast.”

“Yeah,” Lexa remarked, “I thought it was supposed to take a lot longer.”

“It’s different for everyone,” Clarke shrugged. “What movie did you pick?” Clarke asked, changing the topic. “The Notebook?” She teased, remembering that that had been Lexa’s favorite movie a few years ago. 

“Maybe, “Lexa frowned. Clarke looked to the screen, and sure enough, The Notebook was up and ready to play. Clarke laughed as she wrapped her arms around Lexa and pressed play on the TV.

By the time the movie was over, Clarke and Lexa were both sniffling and trying to hide their tears. When they finally made eye contact and saw each other’s puffy red eyes, they both laughed uncontrollably. Clarke eventually leaned up and kissed Lexa passionately with a smile on her face.

She loved the little things about their friendship… relationship? Whatever it was they had going on. She loved when they just sat around and watched movies. She loved when they talked about their favorite movies and colors like they had in high school. Most of all, she loved that she and Lexa got to do the little things, and she loved that they got to do the little things together.

“We should probably go back,” Lexa prompted as they mutually pulled away from the kiss and laid their foreheads against each other’s. 

“Probably,” Clarke agreed, but she didn’t get up. Lexa laughed before she kissed Clarke quickly and got up, pulling Clarke up with her. 

Clarke quickly ran to her room and grabbed her music notebook. She had a lot of song ideas floating through her head, and she didn’t want to lose them before she could write them down.

Lexa held Clarke’s hand as they walked to the car, only pulling apart to get in the car and buckle up. They then reconnected their hands as Lexa turned the car on and began driving them back to the hospital. Clarke texted everyone that they were on their way back. One of them texted her back and said that they kicked everyone but Raven out to prepare Octavia since she was getting close to when she’d actually need to start pushing. 

When they arrived at the hospital, the duo walked in hand-in-hand. Clarke assured Lexa that Bellamy knew about their relationship, and he was okay with it. By now, it was late in the evening, and Clarke had made sure to call all their teachers to notify them that they wouldn’t be able to attend class the next day. All the teacher’s agreed that they’d be able to put the work for the day in the main building for one of them to pick up. 

Clarke and Lexa entered the waiting area together and sat beside each other. They whispered to each other quietly to pass the time, mostly about their days. Clarke told Lexa about meeting with Ontari, and Lexa had wasted no time explaining how happy she was for Clarke while Clarke never stopped thanking Lexa for all her help. 

After a few moments, Clarke took her music notebook out and began scribbling down lines. She had a gig coming up, and while she had initially planned to sing a few songs by other songwriters, she figured she might be able to sing originals with all the lyrics she was scribbling down. 

“Whatcha doing?” Lexa asked after a while. Clarke jumped as she shielded her notebook from Lexa’s eyes, hearing Lexa laugh in response. “Jumpy much?” Lexa teased as she bumped Clarke’s shoulder.

“Shut up,” Clarke huffed as she reopened her notebook. She felt Lexa trying to lean over her shoulder to read them, but Clarke closed the notebook before Lexa could see it. “Nosey much?” Clarke teased back.

Lexa just laughed and leaned her head back and closed her eyes. Clarke took a moment to take in how relaxed Lexa looked, and she couldn’t help but lean over to kiss the woman’s exposed neck. She saw the brunette smile with her eyes still closed before her face relaxed again, and Clarke returned to writing her lines.

About an hour later, the nurse reappeared for the room and said, “You can go in, but only a few people at a time.”

Everyone knew that the first people to go in should be Clarke or Bellamy. Clarke glanced at him and juttered her head towards the door, letting him know he could go first. He smiled appreciatively at her before speed walking into the room.

A few moments later, Clarke closed her notebook, tucked it into a bag Clarke had brought, and walked into Octavia’s room as well. She smiled at Octavia who was happily staring at her newborn baby with a dopey grin on her face; Clarke wasn’t sure if it was from the drugs or the baby, truthfully.

Clarke watched as Octavia handed the baby to Bellamy, and Raven wiped the sweat off Octavia's head for her. Clarke smiled happily as she approached. “Did someone get pictures for Lincoln?” Clarke asked as she reached for her phone. 

“No,” Raven muttered guiltily. Clarke smirked, expecting her friend’s to forget in their excitement. Clarke snapped a few quick pictures of the baby and sent them.

“So, Girl or boy? Weight? All that?” Clarke asked.

“It’s a girl,” Octavia smiled, “so her name is Aurora.” She glanced at her brother, knowing she hadn’t told him that.

“O,” he cooed as he slightly rocked his niece. 

“She weighs 5 pounds 13 ounces which is actually pretty good since she’s pretty premature, and she’s about 18 inches long,” Octavia explained, and Clarke typed all the information into her chat with Lincoln. 

Slowly, the rest of their friends filled into the room and took their seats around the room. Clarke, Raven, and Bellamy remained standing by Octavia. After a few moments, Raven, who the baby had been passed to by Bellamy, passed her to Clarke who was a little flustered momentarily before she grabbed her. It had been a long time since she held a baby. In fact, the last baby she held had been Madi, and that was 11 years ago. 

She smiled at the baby and rocked her slowly as she looked up at Octavia who was trying to get everyone’s attention. “So, in true Octavia fashion,” she began in the 3rd person, “Lincoln and I agreed that we want her to have two first names, a middle name, and a last name.”

Everyone nodded, allowing Octavia to continue. “Since she’s Aurora, after my mother, I’m using Lincoln’s second first name for her which is Green,” she said, and everyone nodded their agreement. One of the hardest parts about giving a child two names was making sure it flowed properly, and Clarke, at least, thought that it sounded nice.

“And, since I’m going to take Lincoln’s last name, her last name is going to be Woods,” Octavia smiled. Clarke laughed under her breath, realizing that Lexa and Lincoln had the same last name. It never really dawned on her until then.

“I never realized that,” Clarke said aloud.

“Realized what?” Lexa asked.

“That you and Lincoln have the same last name,” Clarke said, turning to Lexa, baby still in her hands. 

“We are cousins,” Lexa pointed out, and Clarke didn’t miss how her eyes fell to Aurora in Clarke’s arms. Clarke smirked before turning back to Octavia. 

“As far as middle we’re thinking it’ll either be Blake for my maiden name. Lincoln wants Marie instead, but I will not let my daughter have a basic middle name like her mother. No way.”

“Blake is pretty basic too,” Bellamy pointed out.

“Just because this baby is out of me, doesn’t mean the hormones are,” she said while pointing an accusatory finger at her brother who put his hands up in surrender while everyone else laughed.

“Oo, oo, I wanna hold the baby,” Luna said when she saw Clarke looking around for someone to pass the baby to. Clarke looked to Octavia for permission, knowing Luna hadn’t really made it into the friend group and was really there because of association. When Octavia nodded, Clarke passed her to Luna.

Everyone was beyond surprised when Aurora passed out in Luna’s arms while Luna rocked her softly. She was almost as good with her as Clarke was, and Luna had no prior experience with babies.

“I guess babies like me,” Luna shrugged when she noticed everyone’s surprised gaze on her.

“Oh shit!” Octavia squeaked after a few seconds. Everyone gave her a “really” look remembering how she had been sensitive about them cursing around the baby. She shrugged before she elaborated, “I forgot to clean and baby proof.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Clarke smirked, “It’s done.”

“What?” Octavia looked surprised and her eyes were glossy.

“Lexa and I went back to clean up. Well, I went back to clean up, and Lexa insisted on helping,” Clarke told her.

“You’re the best,” Octavia said as a tear fell down her cheek. Everyone chuckled at Octavia’s reaction. 

“All the outlets are covered, and Lexa even reorganized a bit to baby proof,” Clarke said as she looked over her shoulder to see Lexa who was still smiling at her.

“Thanks, you guys,” Octavia said, her voice still shaky from tears, “How’d I end up with such good friends?” 

“It’s no problem, O,” Clarke smiled.

“What are friends for?” Lexa added in nonchalantly. 

Aurora woke up from her power nap, and Luna passed her to Lexa, knowing Anya wasn’t really a baby person. Clarke stealthily stole glances at Lexa, and her heart melted at the sight of Lexa with a baby. She’s not even sure she loves the woman, and she can’t help but feel her heart melt at the sight of her with a baby? Whipped. 

Lexa offered the baby to Anya who politely refused as everyone expected. Lexa offered the baby to Octavia who gladly took her back. Lexa sat back down, and Clarke sat next to her, laying her head on Lexa’s shoulders while she watched Octavia interact with her new daughter. She saw Bellamy and Raven snap a few photos, probably to send to Lincoln.

Slowly, everyone filed out of the hospital room, into the cars, and back to their houses. Lexa drove Clarke home, and Clarke thanked her with a quick kiss before she walked back to her room like a zombie. She wasted no time laying down on her bed, not even eating anything, and she fell asleep almost instantly. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I need opinions on the name. I definitely like Aurora-Green, but I have no clue what to do for her middle name. I feel like Blake and Marie flow, but I don't know which one I like better. Any ideas? Also, not sure if I gave Lincoln a different last name, or if I specified what it was. Either way, it's Woods now :). If someone knows of where/if I gave him a different name, let me know so I can fix it.
> 
> Fun Fact: I actually have a hyphenated first name, and my mom's maiden name is my middle name. I couldn't resist giving the baby 2 first names like that 
> 
> Feedback?


	14. Feelings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Lexa finally go out on the date they've been talking about for months. Clarke goes to a gig where she's faced with a big decision to make.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, I'm SO sorry it took me so long to update! There's been some weird stuff going on at my school, we just had a blizzard where I live, and I just learned that my grandma has COVID, so I've been struggling to find the time and motivation to write. Anyway, I'm also starting to lose interest in this story, so I'm not sure how many chapters I'll be writing. Still, I'm gonna do my best to give this story a satisfying ending, so if you all have suggestions/request, don't hesitate to share!

“Yes, Lexa?” Clarke answered her phone.

“ _ So, I believe I owe you a date,”  _ she stated into the phone, and Clarke’s heart skipped a beat. Lexa was  finally asking her on a date. 

“Yes, I believe you do,” Clarke smiled into her phone.

“ _ I know you have a gig this evening, so I was thinking that I’ll take you out for dinner before I drive you there?”  _ Lexa offered.

“Sounds amazing,” Clarke said honestly.

“ _ Great, _ ” she heard Lexa say, and she was pretty sure the older woman exhaled a sigh of relief. 

“How should I dress?” Clarke asked.

“ _ Just dress how you want to for the gig _ ,” Lexa said, and Clarke nodded, even though Lexa couldn’t see her.

“Okay. I’ll see you soon,” Clarke spoke.

“ _ Be there in about 2 hours. Does that work? _ ” Lexa asked.

“Perfect,” Clarke said. She heard the line disconnect as Lexa hung up, and she quickly texted Raven to get her ass to the apartment to help Clarke get ready. Ideally, she’d like Octavia’s help, but she was still in the hospital with a new-born Aurora. It had been a week or so since she was born, but they had to stay a little longer to make sure Aurora had no impediments from being born premature. 

Raven showed up a while later, and she was eager to help Clarke to prepare for her first official date with Lexa. Her first date with Lexa. Clarke couldn’t stop smiling at the realization.

She quickly dressed in a blue romper that Raven said “made her eyes, boobs, and butt look good.” before she quickly threw on some makeup while Raven worked on her hair. She didn’t do anything too special, but she wanted to look special.

After a few more minutes, Clarke heard a knock on the door, and she grunted. “Of course she’s punctual,” Clarke grumbled as she finished applying some makeup. Clarke got up and made her way down the stairs. She quickly threw on a pair of flats and opened the door. 

She had to bite back a gasp when she saw Lexa in a casual button up with the top two buttons undone, revealing the slightest hint of cleavage, and Clarke knew she did it on purpose. “Well don’t you look stunning,” Clarke commented as she opened the door a little wider. 

Lexa smirked as she pulled flowers out from behind her back. “I wasn’t sure if you were a flower or chocolate type of girl, so I just guessed,” she shrugged with a sheepish smile.

“Flowers are more than I expected,” Clarke smiled as she placed a kiss to Lexa’s cheek. 

“No kissing until the second date!” Raven complained from beside Clarke.

“Oh, shut up,” Clarke said as she handed Raven the flowers, “Put those in a vase please.”

“Yes, ma’am,” Raven said with a fake salute, almost dropping the flowers in the process, “Have a good time!” She paused for a moment, organizing the flowers into a vase before returning. “Oh, and Lexa,” Raven said with a stern glance at Lexa, “have her home by 10.” Raven added a smile on the end and smirked when she noticed Lexa’s expression.

“Yes ma’am,” Lexa saluted dorkily, causing Clarke to snicker from beside her. “Shall we?” Lexa asked as she offered Clarke her hand.

“We shall,” Clarke nodded as she put her hand in Lexa’s. 

Lexa, ever the gentlewoman, opened the door for Clarke and continued to hold her hand as she got into the car, placing a kiss to the blonde’s hand before closing the door and entering the car herself. 

“And I thought chivalry was dead,” Clarke giggled as Lexa started the car. Lexa just shrugged as she flashed Clarke a smile that never failed to melt Clarke’s heart. 

The two drove in relative silence until they reached their destination. Clarke smiled to herself as she realized that it was a proper Chinese restaurant, or well, as proper as a Chinese restaurant in America can be. 

“This is perfect,” Clarke smiled as she unbuckled and leaned over to kiss Lexa’s cheek before opening her door. Lexa just blushed as she got out of the car herself. 

The two met again in front of the car and immediately locked their hands together as they walked into the building. They were greeted by a kind looking woman who led them to a table towards the back of the restaurant where they wouldn’t be disturbed.

The two chatted animatedly as they waited for a waiter or waitress to arrive but neither was in a serious hurry. They still had a good bit of time until Clarke’s gig, so they were able to relax for a while without much worry. 

“Hello, I’m Sarah, and I’ll be your waitress today,” a girl greeted with a cheerful smile, “What can I get you to drink?”

“I’ll have a sprite,” Lexa said as she looked at Clarke.

“A coke please,” Clarke smiled at the waitress.

“Coming right up,” the woman smiled excitedly as she ran off. 

“She seemed way too happy,” Clarke remarked when the waitress was out of earshot.

“What’s so wrong with being happy?” Lexa asked as she leaned towards Clarke with her elbows on the table. 

“It just seems wrong,” Clarke said.

“How so?” Lexa asked, “Isn’t being happy the ideal?”

“Well yeah, but even science knows that you can’t be  that happy,” Clarke said.

“What do you mean?” Lexa asked.

“Well, just think of Newton’s Third Law of Motion: For every force or action in nature there is an equal and opposite reaction,” Clarke explained.

“I feel like you’ve thought about this a lot,” Lexa laughed. 

“Yeah, I suppose I have,” Clarke said as she glanced out a nearby window momentarily before returning her attention to Lexa. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to get all depressy on you,” Clarke apologized as she laughed.

“No worries,” Lexa smiled, “I suppose if every action has an equal and opposite reaction then you’ll be pretty happy in a while.”

Clarke just smiled at Lexa. She was surprised that Lexa had actually applied her thoughts in a positive way. 

“Your drinks, ladies,” the waitress said as she set their drinks on the table. 

“Are you ready to order?” she asked.

Lexa looked at Clarke who glanced at the menu quickly to make sure they had what she usually got. She then nodded to Lexa who nodded to the waitress. “Can I get Kung Pao Chicken?” Lexa asked, and the waitress quickly wrote it down before she turned to Clarke. 

“I’ll take Sweet and Sour Chicken,” Clarke smiled at the waitress as the woman jotted down her order before she scurried off. 

“What happened to your usual order?” Lexa asked curiously.

“I was feeling adventurous,” Clarke shrugged as she laughed.

The two continued talking about random stuff like Octavia and Aurora. Lexa also didn’t waste any time pointing out how angry she was about her cousin’s deployment as well as the timing. Clarke had to admit, she was pissed off as well. The day he left, Octavia went into labor. 

Eventually they got to the topic of Ontari, and Clarke was happy to talk to Lexa about her long lost cousin. “She’s changed in a lot of ways, but she’s also just how I remember,” Clarke explained, “Does that make sense?” Lexa only nodded, encouraging Clarke to keep going. 

“We didn’t talk too much because Octavia went into labor, but I learned a lot about her past. I also told her the important stuff about mine,” Clarke exhaled a breath, and Lexa knew it was because she was thinking about the terrible car accident two years ago. Lexa reached over the table as she held Clarke’s hand. The blonde just smiled at her thankfully.

“Your meals,” the waitress said as she put their plates down.

“Thank you. This looks amazing,” Clarke said as she got her utensils out. The waitress smiled, again, as she nodded and left the two to eat in peace. 

“It really does look delicious,” Lexa agreed as she cut a piece of her chicken.

“Hey! I just realize we both got chicken,” Clarke laughed.

“Yeah, and now I can’t steal the beef from your lo mein,” Lexa complained with a fake pout. 

“Sorry,” Clarke smiled unapologetically as she took a bite of the sweet and sour chicken. “Oh my God,” she said as she covered her mouth with her hand and bit back a moan.

“That good, huh?” Lexa asked.

“Mhm,” Clarke hummed with her hand still in front of her mouth. “Try it,” she offered as she slid the plate towards Lexa. The two always shared their meals when they ate in, not that they did that very much. 

“Oh my God,” Lexa said, also covering her mouth.

“Mhm,” Clarke hummed in an “I told you so” type of way. 

The two ate in silence as they enjoyed their meals too much to stop and talk. “Well, all-in-all, I’d say I picked pretty good,” Lexa smirked as she looked at their empty plates.

“Hell yeah,” Clarke agreed as she put a hand on her stomach. “I think I ate too much,” Clarke groaned in a complaint. 

“Let’s just hope you don’t throw up during your gig,” Lexa snickered, although she didn’t hide her genuine worry very well.

“Lexa!” Clarke exclaimed, “Don’t put that in my head. I’ll just freak out more.”

“Sorry,” Lexa said genuinely as she kissed Clarke’s temple and helped her up, “We should be going if we want to make it on time.”

Clarke just groaned again as she walked to the car with her arms wrapped around one of Lexa’s. Lexa just smiled fondly at the younger blonde as she helped her into the car. 

They arrived at the location a little while later, and Lexa, again, helped Clarke out of the car and to the door that led behind the stage in the pub. Clarke rubbed her palms together in anticipation as she grabbed her guitar and made sure it was tuned. 

“See you out there,” Lexa smiled as she gave a two-fingered salute and walked off to join their friends. 

Clarke snickered to herself as she practiced playing through the songs she had picked. In the end, she decided on some songs from her dark times as she felt it was one of the easiest ways to get Lexa to understand how she felt about her this whole time. She was also feeling rather nostalgic with all this stuff about her past being brought up again. 

“You’re on,” someone came back to notify her. Clarke thanked them as she grabbed her guitar and stepped onto the stage. Most of the people cheered excitedly as they were mostly regulars or her friends who were fond of her music. 

Clarke smiled shyly as she spoke into the microphone, “For tonight’s gig, I’ve decided to play some of my older songs from a rough patch in my life. For those who know them, you’re welcome to sing along.” Clarke smiled at the end, and she noticed a few people were giving her sad looks, even people who weren’t her friends. She was happy to see that she had that effect on some people.

After a few deep breaths, Clarke began to sing, “ _ Run me in circles, like you always do. Mess with me on purpose, so I’ll hang onto you.  _ _ I know what you mean when you act like that, but you don't know it's breaking my heart. Said that it was just never gonna happen then almost kissed me in the dark. Every time we talk, it just hurts so bad 'cause I don't even know what we are, I don't even know where to start, But I can play the part.” _

Clarke took a deep breath before the chorus, and she began singing again, getting into the feel of the music finally, “ _ We say we're friends, but I'm catching you across the room. It makes no sense, 'cause we're fighting over what we do. And there's no way that I'll end up being with you, But friends don't look at friends that way. Friends don't look at friends that way.” _

Clarke smiled as she noticed that a few people had sang along with her. She then made eye contact with her favorite blue ones, and all she saw was guilt and remorse. Clarke smiled at her happily, letting her know that she wasn’t trying to blame Lexa or make her feel bad. They were both to blame for what happened to them. She blew Lexa a subtle kiss, but she was sure a few other people noticed it.

“ _Can't even tell if I love or hate you more. You've got me addicted, and I can't tell who's keeping score._ _I know what you mean when you act like that, but you don't know it's breaking my heart. Said that it was just never gonna happen then almost kissed me in the dark. Every time we talk, it just hurts so bad 'cause I don't even know what we are, I don't even know where to start, but I can play the part._ ”

“ _ We say we're friends, but I'm catching you across the room. It makes no sense, 'cause we're fighting over what we do, and there's no way that I'll end up being with you. But friends don't look at friends that way. Friends don't look at friends that way. Friends don't look at friends that way. Friends don't look at friends that way. We say we're friends, but I'm catching you across the room. It makes no sense, 'cause we're fighting over what we do, and there's no way that I'll end up being with you. But friends don't look at friends that way. Friends don't look at friends that way. _ ”

Clarke finished off the song, and she heard people clap and some even cheered. She managed to pick out Raven’s voice in particular, and she smiled happily. Raven had always been there, and she was glad that her stubborn teenage self hadn’t completely pushed the brunette away. 

Someone from behind the stage came out and handed Clarke a water bottle. She sipped it carefully as she still felt full from her dinner. She then put the bottle down by her feet before she strummed a few chords and started playing her next song.

“ _ I'm really on the ropes this time. I've been fighting all my life for you. I never should have said goodbye, but maybe that's what stupid people do 'cause you gave me peace, and I wasted it. I'm here to admit that you were my medicine. Oh, I couldn't quit, and I'm down on my knees again...Asking...For nothing. _ ”

Clarke looked up to make direct eye contact with Lexa as she sang through the chorus, “ _ Thank you for the happiest year of my life. Thank you for the happiest year of my life. _ ” Lexa smiled at her apologetically as she silently brought her hands together, cheering Clarke on.

“ _ Don't think I could forgive myself. I'm sorry for the ways that I used you, and I could care less right now. But you know, you hurt me pretty good too. Yeah, we made each other bleed, and we tasted it. I'm here to admit that you were my medicine. Oh, I couldn't quit, and I'm down on my knees again.Thank you for the happiest year of my life, oh, thank you for the happiest year of my life _ .”

“ _ So wake me up when they build that time machine. I want to go back. Wake me up when you were sleeping next to me 'Cause I really liked you. Thank you for the happiest year of my life. Thank you for the happiest year of my life. Thank you for the happiest year of my life. Thank you for the happiest year of my life. Thank you for the happiest year of my life.” _

Clarke wiped a few stray tears from her eyes as she practically drowned herself in water to stop herself from crying. She took a deep breath, strummed a few chords, and began playing her final song. 

“ _ Tell me pretty lies, look me in the face, tell me that you love me, even if it's fake 'cause I don't fucking care, at all. You've been out all night, I don't know where you've been, you're slurring all your words, not making any sense, but I don't fucking care, at all.” _

Clarke took a shaky breath as she looked at Lexa. All her friends looked at her sadly, remembering the first time she had played this song was only a few weeks after she started college. Clarke had still been falling apart then, and she was struggling not to let those thoughts overwhelm her. 

“ _ 'Cause I have hella feelings for you. I act like I don't fucking care, like they ain't even there 'cause I have hella feelings for you. I act like I don't fucking care 'cause I'm so fucking scared. I'm only a fool for you, and maybe you're too good for me. I'm only a fool for you, but I don't fucking care, at all. Tell me pretty lies, look me in the face, tell me that you love me, even if it's fake 'cause I don't fucking care, at all. You've been out all night, I don't know where you've been, you're slurring all your words, not making any sense, but I don't fucking care, at all 'cause I have hella feelings for you. I act like I don't fucking care, like they ain't even there, 'Cause I have hella feelings for you. I act like I don't fucking care 'cause I'm so fucking scared I'm only a fool for you, and maybe you're too  _ _ good for me. I'm only a fool for you, but I don't fucking care, at all, oh.” _

Clarke, again, chugged the water she had been given as she thanked everyone. Multiple people cheered heavily as some just looked at her in awe. After a while, they all returned to drinking, eating, or chatting, and Clarke stepped back into the back room.  __

“You’re a fan favorite,” a voice said from behind her. She turned to see the owner of the business, and she almost jumped out of her skin. “I’m here to inform you that it seems someone has taken a liking to you,” he said with a big smile.

“Huh?” Clarke asked, confused. 

“Someone here works in a studio. He’s actually a buddy of mine, and he comes here a lot to search for young talent. He’s had his eyes on you for a while, but he said that today’s performance was specifically… emotional,” the owner explained. Clarke nodded, confirming his thoughts, “Anyway, he asked me to give you his business card, and he said he’s willing to take you on anytime.”

Clarke grabbed the card that had been offered to her and practically sprinted to the pub to show her friends. “Aye! Clarkie,” Raven smiled as she put her arm around Clarke’s shoulder casually, “Good performance today.”

Lexa then pulled Clarke into a tight hug, and Clarke knew it was meant to be an apology. She pulled away slightly to kiss Lexa’s cheek before turning back to the rest of her friends. 

She was surprised to see Bellamy sitting amongst them, smiling at the blonde. “Bell!” Clarke exclaimed as she launched herself into his arms. He caught her and hugged her back. It seemed their broken-off engagement was behind them, and they were back to being the friends they were before they were romantically involved.

That’s also when Clarke noticed a guy behind Bellamy. “You must be John Murphy,” Clarke smiled as she got off of Bellamy and offered the other guy her hand.

“Ah, so Bell does talk about me,” Murphy laughed slightly, “I was starting to think he didn’t like me.”

The group all laughed as they stayed a while to get to know Murphy as well as his relationship with Bellamy. Everyone was surprised to hear that Bellamy was into girls and guys, but no one judged him. In fact, everyone congratulated him on finding himself. Everyone in the group wasn’t straight aside from Octavia and Lincoln, so no one was very judgemental. 

After a while, the conversation died down, and Clarke decided to share the news with her friends. She cautiously pulled the card she was given out of her pocket as she flashed it to her friends and exclaimed, “I got offered a job with a recording studio!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter is short/mostly music, but I'm a bit of a music geek, and I find it easiest to express emotion through music! Also, here are the links to the songs I used in this chapter: 
> 
> "That Way" by Tate McRae - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6hpNgXeUfqs  
> "Happiest Year" by Jaymes Young - https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=happiest+year  
> "Idfc" by blackbear - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BSg0dy9AWN0
> 
> Feedback! :)


	15. Reconnect

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM SO AWFUL. Oh my goodness, it's been more than a month since I've updated. I'm SO SORRY about the long wait, and I regret to inform you all that this is a relatively short chapter. As I've said before, I'm rapidly losing interest in this story, but I don't want to leave it unfinished. That being said, I think I'm only going to write two more chapter (The last one will be an epilogue). I'm sure people will have a lot of questions about the ending which I'll happily answer in the comments. I just really want to get this story out of the way while ending it as properly and happily as possible. It must seem really rushed, but I'd rather rush an ending than not have one at all. Hopefully you're all okay with this! Enjoy the chapter :)

The next few weeks were hectic for everyone. Clarke spent a lot of time studying and working with the studio that hired her. After a while, she was able to make an arrangement for her to start working with them over the summer, so she could focus on studies and relationships. 

Lexa spent a lot of her time consoling Clarke, hanging out with Luna and Anya, and teaching at her new school. She was actually enjoying her new job more than she expected, and she was glad she was finally living a life she enjoyed and could be proud of. 

Finally, Octavia was able to bring Aurora home, so Raven practically lived at the house to help her and Clarke take care of the newborn. Luckily, Lincoln would be returning home within the next few days, so they’d only have to deal with it for a little while longer. 

Right now, Clarke was finally able to schedule time to wind down and be with Lexa. The two hadn’t actually seen each other face-to-face in almost a week because of their schedules, and both were happy to finally reunite. 

“So,” Clarke said as she looked up at Lexa from the older woman’s lap. Lexa had been doing some research to help a student while Clarke was working on her school work, but the two were just happy to be in each other’s presence.

“Hmm?” Lexa hummed, and Clarke smiled, happy to hear the other woman’s voice.

“I’m not sure what your plans are, but I was wondering if you’d like to come to my mom’s place for Thanksgiving?” Clarke asked hesitantly, “I know it might be a little sudden, but Ontari will be there and I want you to meet her. No to mention, if it all goes wrong, your dad’s is only a short drive away, right?”

Lexa smiled at Clarke as she put a hand on the girl’s head. “I’ll talk to my dad about it,” Lexa smiled.

“Thank you,” Clarke said with a cheesy smile as she lifted herself up and kissed Lexa, happily humming a little as she did. 

“Would your mom be okay with it? Would Ontari be okay with it?” Lexa asked worriedly.

Clarke laughed a little, amused by Lexa’s slight panic, “I already checked with them. My mom would love to have you over again, and Ontari is practically begging to meet you.”

“Okay,” Lexa breathed as she relaxed.

Clarke smiled again before she returned to her school work. She had a lot of it since the quarter would be ending soon. Luckily, once she finished what she had right now, she wouldn’t have to worry about work until after Thanksgiving break. 

When Clarke finally finished her homework, she practically threw it to the floor before sighing and closing her eyes. “Tired?” Lexa asked as she chuckled.

“So much work,” Clarke complained. 

“I feel your pain,” Lexa said sympathetically as she put the research book she had been reading to the side. Clarke sat up and turned to face Lexa. Clarke smiled before she leaned in to kiss Lexa, again.

“You’re affectionate today,” Lexa remarked between kisses.

“Are you complaining?” Clarke asked as she pulled away and raised a playful eyebrow at Lexa.

“Nope, just making an observation,” Lexa smiled as she leaned into kiss Clarke.

The two kissed for a while, and they only stopped because the door to the apartment opened. “Can I look?” the voice, who Clarke knew ws Luna, asked. 

“Yes, idiot,” Lexa said as she sighed. Clarke laughed a little as she laid down on the couch, effectively putting space between her and Lexa. 

“Well, I didn’t wanna see anything I wasn’t supposed to,” Luna said, defending herself. 

“Could’ve been worse; it could’ve been Raven who walked in,” Clarke pointed out. 

“I suppose that would be worse,” Lexa agreed.

“She’d probably ask if she could join,” Clarke said as she rolled her eyes in amusement.

“It’s sad that I can actually picture her saying that,” Lexa sighed. 

“You weirdos want food? I brought leftovers,” Luna said as she unpacked the bag she had been holding.

“Count me in,” Lexa said as she glanced at Clarke, silently asking if she wanted something. 

“Me too,” Clarke said as she jumped up and followed Lexa to the kitchen. 

Luna put the leftovers in the microwave as the three chatted a bit. Luna mentioned that her family wasn’t getting together for Thanksgiving. Clarke didn’t really understand the reasoning Luna gave, but Lexa seemed to understand.

“You’re welcome to join my family,” Clarke offered casually. 

“I wouldn’t want to intrude,” Luna said awkwardly as she moved around the kitchen. 

“My mom takes people in all the time. Raven usually comes, and I bet Anya will come too. Octavia used to go, but she’ll probably spend Thanksgiving with Lincoln and Aurora this year,” Clarke explained.

“I guess as long as your mom’s okay with it, I’d love to join you,” Luna said sincerely, “Beats spending it alone, at least.”

“Great,” Clarke smiled happily as the microwave beeped, signalling that the food was heated up.

“Bon appetit,” Luna said as she pulled the plates out of the microwave and set them on the table.

“Thanks,” Clarke smiled as she began eating.

“Thank you, Luna,” Lexa said as she ate as well.

“Have fun, lovebirds. I’m off for a day of fun,” Luna smirked.

“I did not need to know that,” Lexa said with disdain as she playfully pushed her food away. Luna just winked as she left the house.

“Don’t have too much fun without me!” Luna exclaimed as she left the apartment, closing the door behind her. 

“I hate her sometimes,” Lexa scowled. 

Clarke just laughed as she sat up a bit and stole something off Lexa’s plate, causing the brunette to glare at her a little before smiling. 

As Clarke finished eating, she got a frantic call from Raven. “Yes?” Clarke answered the phone. 

“ _ I know you’re having time with Lexa for the first time in ages, but I could use your help, _ ” Raven said in a pleading tone. 

Clarke gave Lexa an apologetic look, and Lexa just nodded in understanding. “I’ll be there soon,” Clarke assured Raven.

“ _ Thanks, Clarkie! You’re a lifesaver! _ ” Raven said appreciatively. Clarke just laughed before she hung up. She then stood up and walked towards the front door to put her shoes and coat on.

“Need me to drive you back?” Lexa asked, already knowing the answer. 

“Yes please,” Clarke smiled as she leaned over and kissed Lexa in gratitude. 

“Did she tell you why she needs help?” Lexa asked as they got in the car. 

“Nope,” Clarke answered as she buckled in, testing the seatbelt as always, “She just said she needed help.”

“Do you want me to stay and help too?” Lexa offered. 

“Depends on what’s happening I guess, but you might just distract me,” Clarke admitted with a cheesy smile. 

“Is that so bad?” Lexa asked with a smirk as she put her key in the ignition and started the car.

“While we’re trying to care for a baby that can’t care for itself? Yes, that would be pretty bad,” Clarke answered with a slight laugh.

Lexa just sighed, as if upset, but Clarke knew she didn’t mind. Lexa had always been rather laid back and easy going, at least with her. While she felt bad about having to leave halfway through their day, she knew Lexa understood her want, need even, to be helpful to Octavia and Raven. Lexa understood that Clarke felt indebted to them, not that she should, and so in turn, she understood that Clarke felt she owed them something whether that be her time, her money, or her skills with children. 

When they arrived at the house, Clarke entered to see Octavia holding Aurora who was screaming her head off while Raven was trying to hang up streamers and other decorations. 

“What the heck…” Clarke muttered as she entered.

“Clarke!” Octavia exclaimed as she hurried over to Clarke. When she made it, she handed Aurora to Clarke who just looked at Octavia like she had handed her a timebomb. 

“What on Earth are you doing?” Clarke asked. 

“Lincoln comes back in a few hours, so I wanted to surprise him,” Octavia answered as she attempted to help Raven hang up decorations. 

“I think having a baby would be surprise enough for him,” Clarke said while looking at Aurora who had stopped screaming by now. 

“But it’s not a surprise,” Octavia whined, “He already knows he has a daughter.”

“Okay,” Clarke sighed, knowing she wouldn’t be able to convince Octavia, “So, you want me to watch her,” she tilted her head towards Aurora, “while you set up?”

“Yes please,” Octavia said with pleading eyes. 

“Fine,” Clarke sighed.

“Want me to stay?” Lexa whispered into her ear, making Clarke shiver a little. 

“Only if you want to,” Clarke said as she walked to the room she shared with Aurora. 

“No funny business in front of my baby!” Octavia shouted after them when she saw Lexa following Clarke to her room.

Once in Clarke’s room, she realized that Lexa hadn’t seen her room since the day she moved in. The brunette tentatively sat on Clarke’s bed while she placed Aurora in her crib. Clarke then walked to her bed and sighed as she laid down on it. 

“It looks nice,” Lexa commented as she looked around.

“Mhm,” Clarke hummed in agreement, “I like it.”

“So, what should we do?” Lexa asked as she laid down and looked at Clarke.

“Hmm,” Clarke hummed before she kissed Lexa who gasped a little in surprise before kissing back. 

“Didn’t Octavia say no funny business in front of her baby?” Lexa asked after a moment, breaking the kiss.

“As if she and Lincoln won’t do worse things in front of her,” Clarke said as she pulled Lexa’s face back into hers and kissed her again. Lexa sighed in surrender as she kissed Clarke back. 

A while later, there was a knock on Clarke’s door, and she reluctantly pulled away from Lexa with an eye roll which made Lexa laugh. “What?” Clarke asked as she got up and opened the door. 

“Lincoln’s gonna be here any minute,” Octavia told her, “Now, give me my baby.”

Clarke nodded as she turned around and grabbed Aurora, handing her to Octavia. “Eek! She’s so cute,” Octavia squeezed, holding her baby.

“She is pretty cute,” Clarke agreed, “Considering you birthed her.”

“Rude,” Octavia scoffed, “What has you in a bad mood?”

“School,” Clarke said dryly, causing Octavia and Lexa to laugh.

As they were talking, there was the sound of the door unlocking, and Octavia’s eyes widened as she ran to the front door with Aurora in her arms. 

“Babe!” Octavia exclaimed as she quickly handed Aurora to Raven and wrapped her arms around her fiancé. 

“Hello, my love,” Lincoln cooed as he wrapped his arms around Octavia and lifted her off the ground, dropping his bags on the ground. 

After a few moments, he dropped Octavia and walked to Raven who was still holding Aurora. He had tears in his eyes as Raven smiled and gently handed the baby to him. “Oh my god,” he mumbled as he held her. He looked at her like she was the most fragile thing in the world, and Clarke couldn't have been happier for their little family. 


	16. Thanksgiving

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is technically the end since I don't know what else to write. Next chapter is an epilogue!

After a few days of relaxation and recuperation, Clarke, Lexa, and Luna all piled into Lexa’s car to go to Clarke’s mom’s house for Thanksgiving. Her mom confirmed that she didn’t mind having Luna tag along, and she loved the idea of having Lexa over. 

“I hate this part,” Clarke said as Lexa turned onto the highway.

“I know,” Lexa said sympathetically. She had considered reaching her hand over to comfort Clarke, but she imagined the blonde would appreciate her keeping both her hands on the wheel. “But I always drive carefully, don’t I?” Lexa asked with a slight smile though her eyes never left the road.

“Mhm,” Clarke agreed as she rested her head against the window while one of her hands grabbed the handle on the car door. 

Luna had already knocked out since it was late at night. The plan was for Lexa to drive halfway while Luna slept and Luna would drive the other half while Lexa slept. That way they could arrive at a decent time. They’d end up spending the night at her mom’s house, but they’d already made the necessary arrangements for sleeping that night. 

The first few hours were spent listening to quiet music while they occasionally discussed things like Thanksgiving tradition, school or work, and just their lives in general. Admittedly, the conversation and music helped Clarke relax, and she was eventually able to fall asleep which Lexa was thankful for.

It wasn’t that she didn’t enjoy talking to Clarke because she did; she just hated seeing her so tense. Even if Lexa drove perfectly, flawlessly, Clarke still seemed on edge. Lexa never held it against her, but she did hope that Clarke would get over it one day, if for no other reason than to get past the trauma.

Around 5 hours into the drive, Lexa stopped at a gas station to stretch and wake Luna to switch. She would’ve been fine driving the whole way because unlike Clarke, she loved driving, but she knew she should sleep if she’d be properly meeting Clarke’s family later. The thought only scared her, but she knew this was a big step for the two of them. Maybe, just maybe, Clarke was starting to put faith in Lexa again, and maybe, she was on the road to forgiving and trusting again.

“Luna, It’s time to switch out,” Lexa said as she shook her sister in the back seat. 

Luna groaned though she did wake up and make an effort. She complained the whole way, but she eventually got to the driver’s seat. 

“You don’t want to stretch your legs first?” Lexa asked.

“I’ll be fine,” Luna assured her, “I just need to wake myself up a bit more.”

“Alright,” Lexa agreed.

Things between the two had been tense since Luna found out about Clarke and Lexa’s relationship. She had never been the most supportive about the two, and Lexa didn’t blame her. She herself had her doubts about the relationship. It could ruin her entire career, but somehow, that didn’t seem as important to her as it once had been.

“Lexa,” Luna said, obviously haven woken up a bit. 

“Yes?” Lexa asked curiously.

“I’m going to say something, and I want you to listen closely because I may never say it again,” Luna said, effortlessly getting Lexa’s full attention.

“Okay, I’m listening,” Lexa assured her. 

“I hate your relationship with Clarke,” Luna said boldly.

“Luna,” Lexa said firmly.

“Listen,” Luna demanded. “I hate your relationship with Clarke,” Luna reiterated, “but I see how happy she makes you. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m happy you’ve found that person. Even if the relationship isn't ideal, I’m glad you have that.”

Truthfully, Lexa didn’t know what to say. Luna had never said something so meaningful and heartfelt to her before, so she wasn’t sure how she was supposed to react. “I- uh… thanks,” Lexa stuttered out.

“Caught ya off guard, didn’t I?” Luna said as she laughed a little.

“Yeah, I guess,” Lexa admitted as she rubbed the back of her neck sheepishly. 

“Are you sure Clarke is alright with me driving?” Luna asked, “I know she’s weird about it.”

“She told me she didn’t mind, and as long as she’s asleep, she won’t complain,” Lexa assured her.

“Good,” Luna nodded as she took the car out of park and put it into drive, continuing their journey to Clarke’s mother’s house. 

\-------------

Five hours later, they arrived at the house. Luna shook Luna awake, and she was surprised to find that Clarke was awake. She looked to be pretty awake, so Lexa assumed she had woken up a while ago. 

As they were getting out of the car, Clarke’s mom stumbled out of the house and quickly embraced her daughter in a hug. Clarke smiled and laughed as she hugged her mother back. 

“You alright? The trip wasn’t too rough?” Her mother worried as she put her hands on her daughter’s cheeks.

“I’m fine, Mom,” Clarke assured her mother with a laugh. 

“Good,” Her mother nodded firmly as she let her daughter go. 

“Hi Mrs. Griffin,” Luna greeted as she offered her hand. It was the first time she was properly meeting the woman, after all. “Or is it Mrs. Kane now?”

“It’s Mrs. Griffin,” Abby assured Luna as she accepted her outstretched hand and shook it in greeting. 

“Is Ontari here yet?” Clarke asked as she looked around the driveway for the car she knew as her cousin’s. 

“Not yet, but she should be here any minute,” Abby informed her. 

It was then that Lexa approached the group with some of their bags in her hand. She was the type who liked to get all her things settled before making small talk, but she understood that not everyone was like that. 

“It’s nice to see you again, Lexa,” Abby said with a genuine smile. 

“You too, Mrs. Griffin,” Lexa smiled.

“Please, just call me Abby,” Abby said with a light laugh. 

“Uh- sure… of course,” Lexa said, obviously a little uncomfortable. 

“I’ll let you all settle in then,” Abby said as she got out the way. “I asked your sisters to give you some space, but they’re excited to see you again,” Abby said to Clarke.

“Got it. Thanks, Mom,” Clarke said as she walked to the back of the car, collecting some more of her items to bring inside. With the three of them, they were able to bring everything in in one trip. They didn’t bring much anyway since they’d only be staying one night. 

When they walked in, Clarke led Luna to the guest room she’d be staying in before she and Lexa went to Clarke’s room. “This is the first time you’ll be seeing my real room,” Clarke realized aloud, “This might be a bit embarrassing.”

Lexa laughed a little as she watched Clarke open the door to the room. Lexa followed her in and immediately tried to analyze everything. Clarke had pictures of friends and family on her wall as well as some of her drawings. Her bed was average size and set up in a comfortable-looking corner. 

“It’s not that embarrassing,” Lexa assured her as she set her bags down and began looking at some of the photos. 

After looking for a while, she came across a photo of two men with Clarke. One was obviously older, and he had his arm wrapped tightly around Clarke’s neck, though it was obviously playful. The other was younger, smiling like an idiot as he had his hand rested on Clarke’s head. Clarke, in between the two, looked like she was in the middle of laughing, and Lexa was sure it was one of the more beautiful sights she’d ever seen. 

“That’s your dad and brother, right?” Lexa asked tentatively.

“Mhm,” she hummed. She didn’t even have to look at the photo to know which one Lexa was talking about.

“You all look…. Happy,” Lexa observed.

“We were,” Clarke agreed, “That was before the divorce and all the shit that followed it.”

“Sorry I brought it up,” Lexa said sincerely, realizing she might’ve dug up something painful for Clarke.

“You’re fine,” Clarke assured Lexa with a smile. 

To the brunette’s surprise, Clarke really did seem fine. Her eyes showed no sign of tears or sadness, and her smile seemed as genuine as they came. Lexa nodded with a smile as she stood up and wrapped her arms around Clarke’s neck, kissing her forehead.

“What was that for?” Clarke giggled a little.

“Do I need a reason to kiss you?” Lexa asked as she laid her cheek on Clarke’s head.

“I guess not,” Clarke decided. 

“You should go say hi to your sisters,” Lexa said after a few moments as she released her grip on Clarke. 

“Wanna come?” Clarke offered.

“I’m sure they want a moment to catch up without me imposing,” Lexa admitted with a smile, “I’ll go talk with Luna for a bit.”

“Okay,” Clarke said with a smile as she walked out the room and turned into a different room. Lexa heard the squeals of the happy siblings being reunited, and she smiled to herself as she entered Luna’s room.

“Clarke!” Madi exclaimed as she jumped into Clarke’s arms.

“Hey?” Clarke exclaimed, “What happened to Goose?”

“I’m too old for that,” Madi said as she rolled her eyes.

“Oh, are you?” Clarke teased. 

“Yep,” Madi confirmed with a nod.

“She has matured a lot,” Charlotte confirmed as she approached the two, creating a group hug between the three. 

“I was always mature, thank you very much,” Madi said, pointing a finger at her sister.

“Sure,  _ baby _ ,” Charlotte said teasingly.

“Hmph,” Madi huffed as she crossed her arms, “Leave me alone.”

The older two girls laughed as Madi sat on the bed in the room. The other two followed her as the three began catching up.

\-------------

A while later, a voice yelled up to the group of them, “Ontari’s here!”

“Oh, yeah!” Clarke exclaimed excitedly as she jumped out of bed. 

Charlotte calmly followed Clarke who was sprinting down the steps like a mad man. Madi followed Charlotte, bombarding her with questions, not that Charlotte knew the answer. 

“Ri!” Clarke exclaimed when Ontari entered the house, immediately hugging her.

“Hey, Clarke,” Ontari said as she laughed a bit. Clarke released her, giving her the opportunity to go upstairs and put her things away.

Once Ontari unpacked, everyone met in the living room to catch up and meet each other. Clarke ensured that Lexa introduced herself as her girlfriend since Ontari specifically wanted to meet Clarke’s ‘fine ass girlfriend’. 

“So… How’d you two meet?” Ontari asked, causing everyone in the room to go dead silent, “That bad, huh? What is she, a drug lord or something?”

“I take personal offense to that,” Lexa said in a serious tone although she obviously didn’t mean it. Well, obviously it was a little offensive, but she knew Ontari was only joking, that much was obvious. 

“It’s uh… It’s a long story,” Clarke said vaguely.

“Give me the rundown,” Ontari pushed further. 

“If you don’t tell her, I’m going to,” Luna said. It was obvious that this was her way of saying ‘if you’re so embarrassed about it, why be together at all’. Not that she really meant it in a rude way, she just wanted what was best for Lexa.

“Lexa was my…” Clarke trailed off, trying to think of a better way to word it. There wasn’t one. “Lexa was my teacher in high school,” Clarke admitted.

“Oh,” Ontari said, obviously surprised, “Wow- I… Umm. Wow.”

“Yeah,” Clarke nodded uncomfortably.

“Have you been dating…. Since… then?” Ontari asked tentatively.

“No way,” Lexa answered firmly. 

“Okay, that’s a little less… unsettling then,” Ontari admitted.

“We only got together this summer,” Clarke told her.

“Oh, so after you were no longer her student?” Ontari asked.

“Correct,” Lexa confirmed.

“Ah, okay,” Ontari nodded in acceptance, “I can see the appeal.”

“Mine,” Clarke said playfully as she grabbed Lexa’s hand, causing everyone to laugh. 

“And who does that make you?” Ontari asked, pointing to Luna, once the laughter died down.

“Oh, I’m her best friend,” Luna said, pointing a finger at Lexa. 

“Ah, I see,” Ontari nodded. Clarke noticed the interest in her eyes, and she smirked to herself knowingly. 

“And who are you?” Madi asked as she looked at Ontari.

“No one told you?” Ontari asked with an accusing look at Clarke, “I’m your cousin.”

“Mom and dad didn’t have siblings though?” Madi said, confused.

“Dad had a brother, but he died a long time ago,” Clarke answered, hoping Madi’s accidental ignorance wouldn’t hurt Ontari’s feelings.

“Oh, sorry then,” Madi apologized sincerely.

“Anyway, I’m Ontari,” Ontari introduced herself. “I’m guessing you’re Charlotte,” she said, pointing to the older girl before pointing to Madi, “and that makes you Madi?”

“Yep,” Madi confirmed with a nod.

“Sweet,” Ontari nodded, proud of herself for being able to remember their names. 

“Food will be done in about two hours girls!” Abby announced from the kitchen, “Why don’t you watch a movie together or something?”

“That sounds like fun,” Madi nodded in agreement.

“I guess,” Charlotte agreed, “but nothing Christmas.”

“Deal,” Clarke nodded as she turned on the tv and looked for something to watch.

During the movie, everyone cuddled up together. Madi and Charlotte squished together, though they still seemed comfortable. Luna and Ontari and been forced together, but they didn’t seem upset about it. Clarke and Lexa had willingly snuggled up together, aware that that was probably the most PDA they would show during the trip. 

The movie they picked was the hunger games, and they decided they’d watch the other three movies later that night after they’d eaten and spent more time together as a family.

When the movie ended, everyone stretched as they made their way to the kitchen. Abby had already announced that food was done, but they decided to watch the last 5 minutes of the movie before sitting down to eat. 

“We usually say what we’re thankful for before we eat,” Abby told the people new to their Thanksgiving, “You girls don’t mind?”

“No, of course not,” Lexa assured you.

“Don’t change your traditions for us,” Luna agreed.

“Okay,” Abby nodded with a smile, “I’ll start. I’m thankful for my family, and the people who’ve been there for them.”

Next was Kane as he was sitting next to Abby. “I’m thankful to be a part of this family,” he said simply.

“I’m thankful for my A in math class,” Madi said genuinely once it was her turn, causing everyone to laugh. 

“I’m thankful that I’m almost done with school,” Charlotte said. 

Clarke then said, “I’m thankful to have been able to reconnect with people this year.” She then gave a pointed look at Lexa and Ontari who smiled at her. 

Everyone else went around saying similar things about being thankful for friends and family before they began eating. 

While they ate, they chatted amongst themselves, mostly catching up and joking around. It seemed that everyone got along well enough which made for an enjoyable meal. 

After they finished eating and clean up, they all sat down to finish binging the Hunger Games series. They got popcorn, drinks, and blankets, and they curled up the furniture and the floor to complete the movie marathon.

All in all, it was a great Thanksgiving. 


	17. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy shit guys, it's been a long time coming, but this story has finally drawn to a close! Even thought I lost interest at the end, this story was so incredibly fun to write, and as a writer, it was amazing to write a story so out of my comfort zone (teacher x student). Still, I think that it turned out pretty okay given all the hardships it faced in the writing process LMAO
> 
> It's sad to see this story end, but it also gives me a sense of relief and satisfaction knowing that it's finished. It will be missed, and I know it'll always have a special place in my heart. I hope it managed to find a special place in yours as well! If not, that's cool, and I'm just grateful you took the time out of your day to read this, especially those of you who have been here since day one, supporting me and defending me. I love all of you, and I hope this ending was satisfactory! Enjoy :) <3
> 
> P.S. Please excuse any grammatical/spelling mistakes :D Thanks.

**1 years later:**

“Why don’t we go back home?” Lexa offered suggestively in Clarke’s ear as she stood from the table they were dining at.

“Hmm?” Clarke hummed, not picking up on the suggestive tone. Not that she was dense or naive, she just never expected such words from Lexa. Ever since they got back together in her early college years, Lexa had been tentative about starting anything. Clarke understood it as the older woman’s internal fight between ethics and desires. “Oh,” Clarke blushed deeply in realization as she nodded vigorously. 

The ride to their place -yes, their place. They had moved in together a few months prior, and Clarke still got a kick out of calling it ‘their place- was agonizingly slow. Clarke didn’t think she’d ever felt this kind of need to touch Lexa, ever. In truth, the two had never had sex with each other because Clarke was still slowly but surely learning to trust the brunette again, and Lexa never wanted to push her boundaries. However, recently, the two had dropped subtle hints that they were ready, though neither pushed their desires onto the other. Well, until now that is. 

Once they finally made it to the house, Lexa fumbled with the keys before finally pushed the door open, slamming and locking it behind Clarke as she pressed the blonde against the door, trapping her in a kiss. Clarke squeaked lightly in surprise, not expecting this kind of dominance from her the woman, but definitely not displeased by it. 

For the next few minutes, the room was filled with the muffled, quiet moans of the two women as both fought for the dominance they wanted. Clarke was used to being more dominant as she always felt uncomfortable when she didn’t have control, but somehow, the idea of Lexa topping her didn’t sound anywhere even remotely near undesirably. If anything, it only turned her on further. 

“Bed,” Clarke muttered, kissing the woman passionately again before finishing her word, “room.”

Not needed to be told twice, Lexa scooped up the younger girl, putting her hands under the blonde’s thighs, allowing her fingers to tightly grip the girl’s inner thighs. Clarke barely managed to bite back a moan as the older woman smirked and carried her off.

Once in the bedroom, Lexa gently tossed Clarke onto the bed and followed, crawling over her. “This,” Clarke said as she pointed between the two, “Isn’t going to work.” While Lexa had a worried look on her face, Clarke wasted no time in flipping the two.

“Ha! You think I’m a bottom,” Lexa laughed genuine, “to you of all people?” 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Clarke pouted with a frown while her grip on Lexa stayed firm. 

“Nothing,” Lexa huffed.

“You mean to tell me you think you’re a top?” Clarke practically cackled.

“Well, duh,” Lexa said as she rolled her eyes in amusement.

“As if,” Clarke said as she rolled her eyes before flipping them so she was under Lexa, “Let’s see how far you get.”

“Oh it’s so on,” Lexa agreed as she clashed her lips against the blonde’s. She pressed her legs between the younger girl’s legs, causing the blonde to bite Lexa’s lip, whether she was attempting to bite back a moan or scold Lexa was unclear. 

The next few moments were spent ripping off each other’s clothes until Lexa’s fingers eventually reached the waistband of Clarke’s pants. Lexa looked up at her with curious, loving eyes, and Clarke immediately understood the silent question. She nodded before adding, “I trust you.”

Lexa’s eyes teared up, and Clarke really hoped the brunette didn’t cry. Luckily, she got herself in control before tearing away the rest of the girl’s close as if she’d been starving for years. Realistically, it’s possible that assessment held some truth. 

**2 years later:**

“Clarke!” Octavia yelled as she ran into the dressing room.

“What the hell?” Clarke asked as she was half naked.

“Oh, please, like I haven’t seen it all before,” Octavia teased as she sat on a nearby chair. 

“What did you want?” Clarke asked as she attempted to pull on her dress, Raven helping her. 

“I just wanted to check on you, see how you’re feeling about your big day,” Octavia teased with a smirk.

“Am I supposed to feel stressed? I’m not stressed,” Clarke commented, “Now I’m stressed because I’m not stressed!”

Octavia and Raven both laughed genuinely as Octavia stepped in front of their friend and gripped the sides of her cheeks, “You’ll be fine. That woman out there loves you to pieces, and I know you love her just as much. You have nothing to worry about.”

Clarke let out a large sigh of relief, “Thanks O, I really needed that.”

“I know you did,” Octavia smirked as she patted Clarke’s cheeks before removing her hands, “just don’t trip and fall, or forget your vows, or step on her toes-”

“Shut up!” Clarke yelled as she laughed lightly. Despite hearing all the things that could possibly go wrong, she still didn’t feel at all worried. The banter only brought her a deeper sense of relief, and she realized that even if everything went wrong, Lexa wouldn't love her any less, that she was sure of. 

“My babies all grown up,” Abby teared up as she ran into the room, engulfing her daughter in a hug.

“I love you, Mom, but don’t get snot on my dress, please,” Clarke said with a laugh.

“Oh, yes! Of course,” Abby said, lifting her face up and wiping off her daughter’s shoulder. Abby rested her hands there as she rubbed her daughter’s arms, “I wish your father could be here to see this.”

“Stop,” Clarke said with a nostalgic smile, “I’m going to cry.”  
“There’s going to be a lot of tears today,” Abby assured her with a soft smile.

“Where’s Madi?” Clarke asked.

“She wanted to get you a gift, so Marcus and her will be here soon,” Abby assured her.

“You let her get me a gift?” Clarke groaned.

“She insisted,” Abby assured Clarke, “You know there’s no way around her when she gets like that.”

“Damn teenagers,” Clarke hissed under her breath. 

“You weren’t an easy teenager either,” Abby reminded her.

“I know, that’s why I get to complain,” Clarke told Abby as Raven began doing her makeup and Octavia started on her hair, working at the same time for efficiency.

“I don’t think that’s how it works,” Abby laughed.

Clarke just huffed as she tried to keep her face and head as still as possible. It took them about 2 hours to complete her look, but it was spent making jokes and teasing each other. “I thought Marcus and Madi weren’t meant to get here a few hours ago?” Clarke realized, her face laced in worry.

“They’ll be here soon,” Abby assured her, “Madi texted me that they’re 5 minutes out.”

“They’re cutting it real close,” Clarke sighed, “Madi still needs to get in her dress.”

“She’ll have plenty of time,” Abby told her daughter.

A few moments later, as promised, Madi entered the room. Clarke caught a glimpse of Marcus standing outside the door, likely leaving the women to themselves. “Clarke,” Madi cooed with tears in her eyes, “You look so pretty.”

“Aw,” Clarke said with teary eyes, “I’m going to cry.”

“It’s too soon to cry,” Madi said with a sassy eye roll, “I haven’t even given you your gift yet.”  
“I think you’re supposed to give gifts after or before a wedding, not during,” Clarke commented. 

“This is a special case,” Madi assured as she opened the door, revealing the last person she ever expected to see.

“Charlotte?” Clarke asked as she brought her hands over her mouth.

“Don’t you dare ruin my work,” Raven sniffled as she attempted to scold her friend.

“How- I- What- When-” Clarke stuttered as she slowly enveloped her sister in a hug.

“I got off duty,” Charlotte assured her sister with a smile, “Did you really think I’d miss my big sister’s wedding?”

“Well… yeah,” Clarke commented bashfully.

“Ass,” Charlotte complained as she hit her sister on the side of the head. 

“Alright, I have to get to the crowd,” Charlotte said after a few minutes of catching up, “You need to be getting out there soon.”

Clarke, against her sister’s will, kissed the older girl on the forehead before pushing her away. “Ew! That’s gonna stain,” Charlotte complained as she frowned.

“Good,” Clarke said as she pushed her sister out the door, “It’s something to remember me by.”

“Yeah, fuck you,” Charlotte hissed playfully as she left the room.

“She even has the mouth of a sailor,” Abby sighed when her middle daughter left the room.

Clarke laughed loudly before saying, “She always swore like a sailor. I don’t think the military was any help.”

It was then that Marcus knocked on the door, signalling that it was time for them to go. “Alright, bridesmaids first,” Abby said, incharge of that ordeal. 

Raven, Octavia, and Madi lined up, in that order, prepared to walk out. “And…. Go,” Abby said after a while. Without any more warning, Raven walked off, elegant as ever, as she made her way towards the aisle. A few moments later, Octavia followed, Madi trailing behind the two.

After a few more moments, the music changed, and Clarke linked arms with her mother who was to walk her down the aisle. After much debate, she decided she wanted her mother to hand her off as she had played a large role in her life. Clarke felt it seemed fitting for her mother to fulfill the shoes her father never got to. 

When she locked eyes with Lexa, she saw the brunette’s eyes immediately fill with tears. Clarke gave her a scolding look, trying to tell the girl to calm down before she made Clarke cry too. 

Lexa was wearing a traditional black tuxedo with a blue bow on it, and Clarke immediately knew it was for her eyes. She had done a similar thing as she wore a green pendant around her neck. 

When she finally caught up to Lexa, Abby placed Clarke’s hand into Lexa’s, whispering a few words Clarke didn’t hear, but Lexa obviously did. She mumbled something back to Abby with nothing but sincerity before giving Clarke her full attention. Clarke gave her a curious look, but Lexa just shook her head. Clarke scowled playfully before returning to a happy smile with teary eyes. 

After some rambling from the priest, the girls were finally allowed to say their vows. After much debate, Clarke decided she’d let Lexa go first.

“Anyone who knows us knows this has been a long time coming. Truthfully, it’s something that should’ve been done a long time ago,” Lexa began, “but that’s besides the point. The reality of it all is that I was too stubborn to admit I loved a student, and my only wake up call was when I learned she was to marry someone else.”

Clarke smirked a little, snickering under her breath. Lexa playfully pushed the blonde, causing Clarke to laugh a little harder. “Anyway, it’s been an internal and external struggle, for me personally. It’s been a lot of ‘this is right’ or ‘this is wrong’ or ‘should I really do this’. So so so much of that,” Lexa explained with a laugh, causing a few others to laugh, “but eventually I realized, the woman in front of me today is the most important thing to me, and I stopped caring if it was right or wrong because by then, I knew going after her, loving her, marrying her, I knew it was the right thing to do.”

Lexa smiled at Clarke, confirming she was done. Clarke had to pause as she bit her lip and blinked quickly, trying not to cry. The priest then informed her that it was her turn, and Clarke prayed she could portray her feelings completely and fully.

“Looking back on it, I should’ve realized I loved you from the moment I saw you. I’d draw you whenever the time presented itself, think about you constantly, wonder about you, oh, and don’t even get my started on everything you did for me in highschool,” Clarke paused to laugh, “I mean, you saved me from drowning, stopped me from drinking myself to death, and so much more. I remember when my… dad died… and I was destroyed. Still you didn’t give up on me; it was reassuring.”

Lexa looked at her apologetically, knowing what was coming next, “and then, you idiot, had to push me away. At the time, I didn’t really understand it. I did to some degree, but not fully. I wondered for years why you’d promise to never leave me before leaving me, but I think I get it now.”

“Correct me if I’m wrong,” Clarke began with a sweet smile, “You knew you;d come back to me. You knew that if we were meant to work out, we’d find ourselves in some crazy scenario that pushed us back together and stopped us from being so damn boneheaded. Low and behold, that’s exactly what happened. So, now, I can’t help but find myself wanting to make the same promise to you.”

“I’m still young,” Clarke began, “at least, compared to you, you fucking dinosaur.”

“Ass,” Lexa muttered justl loud enough for Clarke to hear as the crowd burst into laughter as well. 

“That being said, I know I’m not going to be perfect, and I know I’m going to make mistakes. I can’t promise that I won’t run off it times get tough; it’s in my nature. I also can’t promise to change or adapt; I’ve never been someone who liked those things. What I can promise you is myself, and I can promise you that I won’t leave you. I have faith that no matter the struggles, we’ll find our way back to each other,” Clarke said as a lone tear rolled down her cheek with a sad smile, “You broke me, and I’m sure I broke you too, but none of that matters now. What matters is that even though we were broken, we found the strength to put each other back together, and I’m willing to do that as many times as I need to in the future.”

Lexa was fully crying now which caused Clarke to cry as well. “You can’t cry,” Clarke complained as she sniffled. Lexa laughed through her tears as she pulled tissues out of her pocket and handed one to Clarke before taking one for herself. Both barely managed to pull themselves together, but they still smiled at each other, no matter the tears rolling down their cheeks. 

The priest finished off by having them place rings on their hands before announcing them as wife and wife. “You may now kiss the bride,” the priest said as Clarke and Lexa wasted no time in kissing, making sure to keep it somewhat PG. 

\------------

Once at the after party, the two talked and joked with each other and friends as they ate food, drank drinks, and watched everyone else interact. Clarke and Lexa had both talked to their respective in-laws and parents, both of which were happy for them and proud of how far they’d come. 

After about an hour or two of that, someone up front announced that it was time for the first dance of the newlyweds. Clarke made a nervous face as Lexa dragged her to the dance floor, telling the person in charge of music not to play the music quite yet.

Despite Clarke’s best efforts, she hadn’t been able to see what song Lexa picked as their first dance. Lexa had given her full reign of everything else, but she adamant about choosing the song and keeping it a secret from Clarke. 

“I love you,” Lexa whispered as she pulled Clarke towards her, getting into position as she lazily waved a hand, gesturing for the music to begin. 

When the first few words were uttered, Clarke couldn’t help but bury her face in Lexa’s shoulder as she already felt tears coming. She heard a few of her friend’s voices from the crowd as she knew no one but Lexa had known the song she was choosing for the first dance. Everyone who knew her knew how much she both loved and hated the song, so most didn’t know how to react.

“I won’t leave this time,” Lexa assured her with a kiss on the head as her arms tightened around Clarke’s back, Clarke’s arms tightening around Lexa’s stomach center in return. 

“You better not,” Clarke grumbled through her tears as Lexa smiled and kissed her again. The two calmly swayed to the music as Clarke quietly sang the words to Lexa, much to Lexa’s appreciation. 

“ _ Just say the word, we’ll take on the world. Just say you're hurt, we’ll face the worst. I can see, see the pain in your eyes. Oh believe, believe me and I have tried. No I won’t, I won’t pretend to know what you’ve been through. You should know, I wish it was me not you.” _

Both girls almost cried even more when they heard their friends and family singing along. Clarke looked up at Lexa, realizing she should be soaking up every part of this moment possible. 

“ _ And just say the word, we’ll take on the world, and just say you’re hurt, we’ll take on the worst. Nobody knows you the way that I know you. Look in my eyes, I would never desert you. And just say the world, we’ll take on the world. _ ”

“ _ And it's the fight, the fight of our lives. You and I, we were made to thrive, oh yeah. And I am your future, And I am your past. Never forget we were built to last. Step out of the shadows and into my life, silence the voices that haunt you inside. _ ”

_ “And just say the word, we'll take on the world, And just say you're hurt, we'll face the worst. Nobody knows you the way that I know you. Look in my eyes, I will never desert you, and just say the word, we'll take on the world, we'll take on the world. And nobody knows you the way that I know you, and nobody knows you the way that I know you. We'll fight, we'll crawl, into the night. I won't let go with you by my side. The calm, the storm we'll face it all. _

_ “And just say the word, we'll take on the world, and nobody knows you the way that I know you. Look in my eyes, I will never desert you, and just say the word (just say the just say the word), we'll take on the world, take on the world. _ ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Final statistics for the story (Parts one AND two)  
> Pages: 394  
> Words: 157,555  
> Chapters: 40  
> Time spent: October 13th, 2020 - February 10th, 2021 (5 months)


	18. NOT A CHAPTER

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If you're seeing this around the time it was posted (11/24/2020) PLEASE READ

Okay, I felt that I really needed to address this outside of the comments because the message is not getting out. 1. This is the first story (This joint series) that I'm writing on AO3 first, all my other stories were written on wattpad before being put on AO3. This being said, I'm unfamiliar with how tags work here. When I first found out that this was on the Bellarke side of AO3 and they were not happy about it, I tried to make Bellarke the second tag so that people would know it was minor. When I did that, it merely went to the front again (probably because of alphabetical order) and I didn't notice it until it was under fire again in the comments. 2. I'm really tired of seeing Bellarkes insult me and other Clexas here. I know we all do it, and I don't see that changing. Point is, I've made it very clear that this is a CLEXA STORY, so if you don't want to see Clexa DON'T READ. I know that on Bellarke stories when Clexa isn't a thing, you all mudsling shit at Lexa and I'd bet a lot of writers make her a bad person. I also had someone say that I made Bellamy a bad guy, and if you actually read what I wrote rather than just going to the comments to make rude comments, you'd see that I'm purposefully making Bellamy A GOOD GUY in this story. 3. There's no need for you to get mad in the comments and make statements that not only admittedly hurt me, but also other people who read the comments. I've said it before and I'll say it again, I'm still rather young. I'm going to make mistakes and words hurt. I love hearing feedback, that's true, but feedback is not throwing shit at what I write on MY story. Feedback is giving constructive criticism on what I could do better to improve my writing. NOT being rude because you don't like what I'm writing. It's the internet, if you don't like it, LEAVE. 4. Back to the tags. I was not under the impression that having the Bellarke relationship tag would put this on the bellarke side of AO3. For example, on wattpad, when you tag "Bellarke" and "Clexa" together it would come up when you search both hashtags. I'm sure this does too, but I just imagined that it would come up more on Clexa since I tried to make it obvious they were endgame. I suppose AO3 doesn't work like that. 5. As of now, I have done my best to get this off the Bellarke page, but for those of them who are still reading this, I'd like to apologize if I offended you in anyway. I always do my best not to spread hate, so I'd appreciate it if you all do the same, at least while reading my story.

I never meant to hate on Bellarke. I can admit that they'd be a good couple under different circumstances, but I, personally, can only seem them as friends. This is why I don't write Bellarke, and why I personally don't ship them together. When I said "This ended up on the Bellarke side of AO3... I've done something wrong," I only meant that I hadn't anticipated Bellarkes would see the story, and from the comments, I know none of you wanted to see it.

All that being said, I'm going to delete any hurtful comments I've gotten to stop others from seeing them and I'd really appreciate if you stop leaving hurtful comments because THEY WILL BE DELETED. I would like for everyone to have a voice, but if you're going to be rude and hurtful, I'm going to do my best to stop other people from see it. If you still have a problem with me and my writing, you're more than welcome to leave a comment about what I can change (I may or may not listen depending on the request), I only ask that you not use words that could be seen as hurtful. Thank you.

Sorry if I disappointed anyone who was expecting an update ahahaha. I'll be writing and thinking today and possibly tomorrow, so you should see and update soon. Thank you to everyone who's supported me since day one, and everyone after that. I appreciate it. Much love <3

**Author's Note:**

> As in all my other stories, I don't have a schedule for updates. I just write whenever inspiration hits me. This means that I may post multiple updates in one day and not post again for a week, multiple weeks, etc. As said before, don't worry, I will NOT abandon a story without warning! I get way to invested to do that :)
> 
> Enjoy!!


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